A little update on me and my life

< insert catchy opener here, because I’m struggling to come up with one ;) >

I was thinking about what to put on this blog, since it’s been so long since I’ve been writing here.  A lot has changed in our lives in the past few years, and I’ve grown and learned so much.  I feel like I’ve  conquered life as a single mom, life as a homeschooling mom, life as a mother of 4.  I’ve found the best job for me there could be, and I gratefully get up 4 days a week and count my blessings.  I’ve even *mostly* mastered the delicate balance of having a life outside my home, while still getting the rest and alone time my introverted nature craves.  It was hard getting here, though.

I don’t know exactly what I’ll do with this blog.  As I have mentioned before, God has been clear that He wants me to blog.  My private, quiet nature struggles with it because I like living alone in my bubble and only letting in a precious few.  J  But I write in my head all the time, and later I wish SO MUCH that I would have written it here, even for my own self to reflect back on.  Like my marriage proposal story.  I’m glad I have that here to reflect on years down the road, when I’ve forgotten how I felt at that moment.  I’ll always remember getting a headache.  But will I remember the shock and confusion at Ryan pulling off the element of surprise?  Or the flow of conversation?  Probably not in great detail.  Rereading it will take me back to that night, as it allowed others a glimpse, too.

I’m happy.  Truly happy, in the way that trusting God and His perfect will can make you.  I know how it feels to have your life fall apart all around you, and that feeling of helplessness when it was without your consent or control.  I know what it’s like to cry out to the Lord in your pain, struggling with anger you want to direct at God, but knowing how wrong and dangerous succumbing to that urge would be. 

I know hate.  And I know the power of forgiveness. 

I know what it’s like to swim in a sea of advice, when all you want is to be alone and listening to Him.  To wade these waters by yourself, and learn to find inner strength.

 I know what it’s like to slowly transform from dreading the morning, and the day it brings, to waking with praise and gratefulness on your lips.  To see the good, and not be haunted by the disappointment. 

And I know what it’s like to hear God saying, “Trust Me, Elizabeth.  Trust in Me.  I have a plan, greater than any you could work out on your own.”  And I know what it like to break, giving up your plan, for His plan. To live that plan.

I may be rambling now, but that is what I have learned in all of this.  Everyone has different circumstances, but the journey is the same.  I had my life planned out in my head, and the one I’m living is not at all the one I had wanted.  But I still wake up seeing the beauty in it.  Sometimes I still struggle, especially after a hard day or week, and I call my sister and cry.  But those days are few and far between now.

God has been good to me.  I don't deserve it, and I don't take it for granted.  But I know it.  And at the end of my life, I want to look back and know that I served and honored Him in every way that I can.  Because that's the only life story that matters, regardless of the details.