Rough Day

I've been having a tough couple of days.  I guess it's all part of the process.  I pray that the Lord will use this heartache for His glory, but gosh does it hurt to endure it.

Sometimes I wish I could go into detail on this blog.  I want to show what the Lord is doing within me, and every bit of good and glory that is coming through Him.  I posted several days ago that i am retreating within, and in many ways I am.  But I know that there are SO MANY who have gone through heartache (or are going through it now).  And I know it's nice to know you're not alone.

Partly, I'm struggling with what I want versus letting God have control over everything.  Maybe in the end, He'll bring me what I wanted after all.  But to completely release things that I want so much...it's so hard.  And to keep myself in a place where I release any part of me that wants to be angry or bitter or resentful...


It's sometimes an hourly struggle.

I prayed so much today.  I read the scriptures.  I tried not to snap at my children when I was in the midst of my pain.  I let them have a "snow day" and figured we'd catch up on the schoolwork later.  For the most part, I think they just thought mommy was "quiet" today.

I say all that to say...rough days are okay.  If I've learned anything so far, it's that every day is new.  Just because today was hard, does not mean that tomorrow will be.  I spent the first few minutes of my day having a heart to heart with Him.  Tomorrow I will do the same.  Today I struggled.  But He was there to see me through it.  Tomorrow I may wake up in "quiet peace" and spend the day thanking Him and praising Him for being faithful. 

We serve an awesome God.  I have said that so many times, but I believe it with every fiber of my being.  He is everything to me and I do not know how I could make it through my life without Him.  When I cry, He holds my tears.   When I wipe my tears away and say, "Okay, I'm ready again," He takes me by the hand and we keep walking.  And He's oh so patient in the meantime.

There's a song by Kari Jobe called "The More I Seek You."  Whenever I fall at His feet again (and I have many times), this song starts playing in my head.  The words could have been written by my own heart...

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

There's no better place to retreat to than at His feet.  And every time i find myself there, I fall more and more in love with Him.  And then everything in my life doesn't seem so big anymore, in the light of His glory.  I can endure it.  I can move past it.  I can rest in His peace and trust in His future.

My favorite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11-13:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I'm trusting in His plans.  My plans may seem good, but His are for sure better.  And just because this moment is hard doesn't mean the rest of my life will be.  I am learning to be patient and wait on Him.  In the meantime, I am learning to let Him be everything to me.  :)

We serve an awesome God. 

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You w/lyrics

In honor of the Love month...

There's a really popular book called The Five Love Languages that I highly recommend.  Apparently, each of us have different ways that we express and feel loved.  By learning the five different love languages, and pinpointing the ones that your loved ones need, you will be much more effective at expressing your love to your spouse, children, family, and friends.

The five languages are:

1.  Words of Affirmation ("I love you"  "You are wonderful"  "I am so proud of you")

2.  Acts of Service (the act of doing something for someone else, simply because you love them)

3.  Quality Time (spending "quality time" together, not just "time")

4.  Gifts (those that express this language put a lot of thought into a gift, and hold a lot of sentiment in gifts they receive)

5.  Physical Touch (hugs, a kiss, a back scratch, or hand-holding)

(These are described as best as I can.  For further understanding, I highly recommend the book!)

Naturally, we tend to express our love in the way that we speak it, but it may not be the way that someone else needs it.  For example, one of my love languages is "words of affirmation."  I tell my kids all day long how much I love them, how incredible I think they are, and how important they are to me.  Amerie, who also shares this love language, breaks out in a smile and smothers me in hugs and kisses whenever I tell her these things.  Andrew, on the other hand, is NOT "words of affirmation."  They tend to make him uncomfortable, and he rolls his eyes and won't look at me until I'm done, even though all I've said is, "I think you are incredible and I love you so much!!"  (sidenote...praying for my kids does not seem to fall under this category.  If I say, "Lord...I pray that Andrew knows how much mommy and daddy love Him, and how much You love him, and how special we think he is" he feels loved just like Amerie would).

I've been focusing on each of my kids lately and trying to pinpoint each of their love languages.  I want them to grow up feeling the love that I feel for them, even if I have to express it in ways that do not come naturally to me.  This has been a challenge at times, but very, very rewarding.  Seeing the different combinations is interesting, also.

Example...

My love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts.  I love telling my children how important they are to me and how much i love them.  If I see a friend in an outfit that looks really nice on them, I will say so.  If someone has been working hard on something, I tell them "good job!"  These things come very natural to me.  And gifts...I LOVE picking out thoughtful gifts!!  I get a thrill out of it.  It doesn't have to be bought.  It's the feeling that person gets when they open it that I'm thinking of, regardless of what it is (I've been told this could fall under acts of service, too).  Consequently, thoughtful and meaningful gifts given to me mean a lot, too.  I also smother my babies in hugs and kisses all day.  I would shrivel up and disappear if I couldn't kiss and hug them a million times a day!!!

Aimee's love languages are "quality time" and "acts of service."  These two are so hard for me!!  I really have to put forth a conscious effort to show my love in a way she understands.  I've learned that spending a half hour with her after her siblings go down for the night goes a loooong way in making her feel loved!!  And the look on her face if I do something for her, like organize her room when she's at her dad's or help her with something when I'm in the middle of my own project, is a huge reward for me in return!!

Andrew's love languages are "physical touch" and a tiny bit "quality time."  Mostly the boy is just "physical touch."  He loves hugs.  He's my cuddlebug.  He's been known to tackle his baby sisters and not let them go.  If I walk by him and run my hand across his buzzed head of hair, it's much more effective than if I had just said, "I love you."  But, because of my language, I still say "I love you!!!"  :)

Amerie, like i mentioned earlier, is "words of affirmation."  She's also "physical touch" and "quality time."  I have lost count of the number of times she's come up to me, put her hands on the sides of my face, and told me i was, "wonderful," "beautiful," and that she's "so proud of me!"  :)  When she gets in "love mommy moods" she pets my hair and my arms and crawls in my lap, and then tells me how important I am to her.  Obviously, this girl melts my heart because we speak the same language!

Lexi...

Lexi I'm not quite sure about yet.  She's still so young.  I know she loves hugs when she's excited, but it's still too early to determine the love language she speaks best.  In the meantime, I'm giving her all five as best I can.

Which leads me to one last thought...

I was discussing these things with Bethany...

(who is gifts, by the way!!) and she said that because I make an effort to "speak love" to my kids in each of the five languages, they will be familiar with each one and therefor have an easier time expressing them as they grow older.  I thought this was really useful information that I would have never thought of!!

My next step is figuring out my parents

and my sister, Emma.

  I already know Bethany's, since her and i discuss the love languages (and personality types) quite often.  But i want the people in my life that matter so much to me to know how much i love them, even if it means expressing it in ways that don't come second-nature.

I highly recommend the book, and applying the knowledge to your kids, spouse, parents, etc.  I wish I had understood these things better when i was married.  Phil is "acts of service," which is my hardest one to relate to.  I could have done a much better job at showing him how loved he is.  Hopefully I will be able to teach my kids the five languages and help them avoid missed opportuntities in their future!!

Have a happy February!!

Winter Storm???

There's a winter storm headed this way.  The snow is expected to start sometime tomorrow, and continue through Wednesday evening.  I've heard predictions as high as 12 inches. 

We already have a good bit of snow covering the ground.

My kids have trampled it down and had their fun.  They're looking forward to fresh snow.  Me?  I'm a little skeptical about any predicted storm.  We could get the 12 inches, or less than 6.  But...it's fun to look forward to!  Personally, I'm hoping we get a ton!!  :D  My friend Elissa blogged about her plans if she gets a snowday and how she'll spend it with her boys.  It led me to think about how we'll spend ours.  Of course, we'll have schoolwork in the morning.  That's a minus to homeschooling in Aimee's eyes!  But later I'm planning on making these cookies (recipe courtesy of my sis and definitely a favorite around here!) with the kids, along with chicken and biscuits for dinner.  My parents will be driving home in the snow on Wednesday, and coming home to comfort food should help ease the stress of driving 696!  Depending on the temp and snowfall, I'm sure my kids will want to play in the snow.

I snagged these for Lexi at Target this weekend.  I only paid $3.24!!

I might take her out in the snow for a little bit.  We'll see how much we get.  Theoretically, it could be over her head!!!

We're also going to make snowflakes out of paper.  This website has some fun tips and directions for more intricate designs.  Aimee will like the challenge of copying a design, while the younger ones will practice scissor skills and small motor coordination.  When we're done, I'll hang them from their bedroom ceilings with string and create an "indoor winter wonderland!"

In the evening, if church is canceled due to the snow, I think we might pop some popcorn, light a fire, snuggle together under some blankets, and watch a movie.  The kids want to see Nanny McPhee returns, if I can brave the elements and make it to the nearest Redbox.  :)

Happy end of January!!

Lexi's new pastime

Lexi saw me crocheting today...

and asked me to teach her how.

She tried her hardest to do exactly what I showed her.





But despite her honest efforts...

I was told it's "nah wooking."



Indecision

I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  I'm stuck in a weird situation and I haven't figured out how to handle it yet.

I've always been the type without secrets, and having a blog would never be something I'm uncomfortable with.  But lately, I have had this strong desire to hide from the world.  There is so much going on in my life, and in me, and i think it's an act of  protection.  The Lord said to give Him a year, and so much change is happening in this year.  I'm not ready for it to be scrutinized, and I'm sure it would come out weird in a blog. 

In a way, I'm looking forward to the changes.  But i'm also scared.  There are several uncomfortable things in my life that God has thrown out in the open for me to deal with.  It's like I've given Him permission to do some major  "Spring Cleaning" and after almost 29 years of keeping several areas of myself, to myself, I'm a bit nervous about the journey.  The end result I'm sure will be wonderful, as everything that the Lord does is wonderful.  But the lack of control over the situation and the mystery surrounding my future (along with the humbleness of seeing all of my shortcomings) has led me to seek quiet solitude. 

I guess it doesn't change my ability to blog.  But there are a few things I've grown uncomfortable with.   I've already made it clear that my kids and I eat different and do things that may be off the beaten path.  But those were private decisions that I never meant for anyone else to make.  I never wanted anyone to feel like I may judge them if they live or act (or eat) differently.  And I never meant for anyone to feel free to scrutinize me because of something I may have written on facebook or my blog that contradicted something I said or did later.  No one is perfect, and my whole life is changing by the day.  I'm GOING to make mistakes and change things I once did or believed.  It's all part of the journey.  But I've become increasingly uncomfortable with feeling like I'm under someone else's magnifying glass. 

At least for the time being.  Maybe after God's year of growth and change in me, I can go back to the comfort in being who I am.   But for now, while I'm relearning who that is, I'm staying inside, where it's comfortable.

Pick Up Student

I was putting Lexi, who just turned two on December 30 :) , to bed tonight.  She pointed to a picture on the wall that had a poem written below it.  The poem started with "A thought..." and so the "A" was slightly larger than the other letters.  Lex pointed right at the "A" and said, "A...Apple...B!!"  :-D 

I have been painfully trying to teach letter sounds to Andrew and Amerie, who are as stubborn as they come (I know they soak up everything I teach, but they'll never let me know it!) and sometimes Lexi "learns" with us.  If she has the desire, and obvious ability, to learn with us, she's joining in whenever she wants! 

I'm so proud of my baby girl!!

Friday night movie night...with my babies :)

There's no place I'd rather be than watching "Ramona & Beezus" and "Thomas the Train" with these quirky kids.  :-)

A recipe. And photos!! :D

This is Amerie.  Eating Ham and Bean soup.

This is Lexi.  Eating Ham and Bean soup.  It's good.

This is Ham and Bean soup after it's been eaten by a 2 year old, and you decide to take a picture for your blog.

It's also Ham and Bean soup in terrible color, becuase you don't own a camera, only an old iPhone.

It looks much better in real life.

Really.  It does.

See?  Gooood...

Ham and Bean Soup

2 lb. bag Great Northern or Navy beans

2 tbsp. baking soda

1 ham bone, lots of meat still attached (think leftover christmas ham)

2 quarts chicken stock

1 cup chopped carrots, or as desired

1 cup chopped onion, or as desired

3/4 cup chopped celery, or as desired

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 tbsp. olive oil

1 tbsp. dried parsley

1 tsp dried oregeno

black pepper, to taste

salt, if desired (I added some, but thought it ended up kinda salty, 'cuz of the salty ham)

Soak beans overnight in enough water to cover them by a couple inches.  In the morning, add the baking soda and bring to a boil.  Skip the foam off the top, and simmer until the beans are starting to soften, about an hour.  Drain some of the water, and add the chicken stock and ham bone.  Bring to a boil, and simmer until the meat is falling off the bone, about 1 hour.  Remove the meat and bone and allow to cool. 

While the ham is cooling, heat the the oil in a large skillet and add the carrots, onion, celery, and garlic.  Sautee until slightly softened, about 5-10 minutes.  Add to the chicken stock and beans, along with the parsley, oregeno, pepper and salt (if using).   Remove the (cooled) meat from the bone, chop, and add to the soup.  Simmer one hour.

Then ladle into a chipped bowl, because you have kids and it's what they do.   

;-)



Confession...

I had a heart to heart with my pastor a couple of months ago.  He recommended (very highly and firmly recommended...) that I remain absolutely single and free from even thinking about entering a relationship for one year from the date of my divorce, which was November 16th.

I only know that it was November 16th, because Bethany had her ultrasound on the 15th, and I remember that date.  And that my divorce was the next day.

 I'm weird.

But I've said that.

Anyways...during that time, I'm healing and growing closer to God.  I'm learning to let Him meet all of my needs and be absolutely everything to me. 

And I don't know that it will be an exact year.  I have no clue on the amount of time.  I'm honestly not worried about it.  I'm enjoying this journey and growing more and more in love with our Lord.  At some point, He'll lead me somewhere, and I'm confident I'll hear Him and be obedient.

He is, after all, a pretty awesome God.  And He's been really, really good to me.  Better than I could ever deserve, and I'm grateful. 

The very least I can do is give Him everything and let Him lead every step I take.  :)


So...the confession part...

I'm fine with being single.  Some days, when I'm feeling stubborn, I  plan on staying single.  Forever.  I kinda like the control.

But I loved being a wife.  I want to be a wife.  I want to have a husband I respect and adore that I can love and admire and care for and cook for and have four more babies with.

;-)

Hey...this is my blog and I'm being brutally honest.

And since this is my blog, I am stating for the fact that my standards regarding men are so flipping high now that only a man chosen by the Lord Himself is going to pass.  'Cuz I am never, ever going through a divorce again.  And if I fear ending up unhappily married...I would much rather stay single and serving the Lord.  

Those are the facts, folks.

But...

Back to my confession.

I am kinda...

sorta...

Maybe, just a little...

And for the record, I don't know how it happened, because I'm not even a TV watcher...

Crushing on THIS guy...

And totally addicted to "Psych" on USA, which doesn't pass my standards for appropriate TV.

Not much passes my standards, which is why I'm having multiple problems with this.  I want to watch every episode.  I'm currently working this one out in my head.

But anyway..no worries.  The show just makes me laugh, which is something i look forward to at the end of a long, tiring day.  :)  And James Roday is nice to look at. 

I'm sure I'll be over it next week.

Out with the old, in with the new...

In just a few days, it will be a brand new year.  I'm not really into long lists of "New Year's Resolutions" but I do have a few things in mind I'd like to try, or change this year.  But mostly, I'm looking forward to the freshness of 2011. 

2010 was a really hard year for me.  I had a massive amount of personal and spiritual growth, but looking back, I'm ready to let it go.  I have no idea what the Lord has in store for my children and I this year, but I am confident it will be good.  He has been so faithful and good to me so far, and I know He's just begun.  I'm ready to say good-bye to this chapter of my life, and step into the new one.  :) 

Unfortunatley. (or fortunately...I'm not quite sure) this has put me in massive pitch it/donate it/get rid of it mode.  I love when I get rid of clutter and junk, but it's usually then that I realize i needed it!!  Either way, it's what I am doing.  I'm ready to start over "new."

:)

Have a blessed New Year!!

Christmas Craft #2

The kids and I had a playdate this morning, and we made ornaments out of dough (made from flour, salt, and water.  Super simple!!).  Our hostess, Megan, told us about another type she tried with her kids, made from cinnamon, that smelled super yummy while making the ornaments.  I came home, googled it, and I am sharing it as craft #2!!  I love the smell of cinnamon, and am looking forward to trying these with the kids.

Supplies:

3/4 cup applesauce
4.12 oz bottle of cinnamon, or 1 cup plus 2 tbsp
Bowl
Plastic wrap
Rolling Pin
Christmas cookie cutter shapes

Mix applesauce and cinnamon in a bowl until a smooth ball forms.  Use your hands to incorporate all of the cinnamon, if needed.  Roll dough to 1/4 inch between two sheets of plastic wrap, and cut with cookie cutters.  Using the end of a drinking straw, poke a hole in the top of each ornament. 

The ornaments can be left to dry at room temperature for 1-2 days, or baked in a 200 degree oven for 2 1/2 hours.  Decorate if desired, and allow to dry.  Thread a ribbon or some string in the hole and hang on the tree!!

The ornaments we made today are better for painting, since they are lighter in color.  I should warn you that as the kids play with the dough, it will develop the gluten and start to get sticky.  Just add more flour if this happens.

Ingredients:

2 cups flour
1/2 cup salt
1/2 cup water

Mix until you have a soft ball of dough.  If the dough is too wet, add more flour.  If it's too dry, add more water.  If the dough gets too dry, it will crack.  It can also crack if the dough is rolled too thin.  Roll to about 1/4 inch, even a little thicker to avoid cracking.  After poking a hole with a straw to thread a ribbon through, bake in a 250 degree oven for 2 hours.

Once dry, paint or decorate as desired!  :)

Immanuel, Christmas, and a craft idea. :)

Phil and I made the decision to focus on "Immanuel" at Christmas time with the kids, and not teach about Santa (other than to explain he's something pretend).  A lot of families are making, or have already made, the same decision with their children.  I thought at first that it would be hard, since I believed in Santa as a child and wanted to share the "magic" of Christmas with my kids.  But lately, the Holy Spirit seems to be touching so many of our hearts and opening up our eyes to the reality of Immanuel - God With Us.  It's really what the whole thing was about, after all.  The Saviour came down to Earth to be one of us, to be with us.  And when He ascended to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to live in us and remain with us.  I want my kids to grow up knowing this and seeing it as the focus at Christmas.  Immanuel is what we celebrate.  God came here.

Later this week, we have 3 Christmas Eve concerts/productions/services (I can't remember the exact word being used...:-P) that are focusing on God coming to Earth, as a baby, and how that applies to our lives now.  I am honored to be a part of it, and I will post more later (I also have rehearsals tonight and tomorrow, and as a result, this whole week is CRAZY).  But...the point of my post is that taking Santa and glitter and distraction out of Christmas isn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I will be giving my kids each a gift and a stocking, and Phil is giving them about the same.  We explained that it's a celebration of Jesus birth, and since He is not here to give birthday presents to, we each get one to celebrate.  :)

I've also found some awesome Christmas crafts and coloring pages.  I don't know that I will have a minute this week to do these with my kids (super bummed, but I'm going to see if I can fit a couple in on Christmas Eve), but I wanted to share them here, with anyone who may want to do them.  :)

I will post more later, if I get a second.  And since this is my blog (ha ha ha), let me take a sec to say that this week I have Andrew's speech therapy, a playdate, milk pick-up, a coffee date with Bethany, 2 evening rehearsals at church, 3 performances, a house to prepare for my brother coming into town and our annual Christmas open house, laundry, schoolwork (since we got behind before the divorce), and I still have to get a gift for Aimee.  That's a lot!!!  We also wanted to handmake some treats with the kids to wrap and give as gifts.  To say that this week is overwhelming me is an understatement!!  Thankfully, next week I have NOTHING on my schedule!!!




Christmas Craft 1, from Kaboose

Here's the link, for instructions.  I'm sure my kids would love to make the little manger with baby Jesus.  There are other ways to make the baby, if you're like me and don't want to purchase a wooden doll body.  Pipe cleaners bend into people shapes, or a large flesh-toned pompom snuggled inside a felt blanket.  The straw can be made out of spanish moss, rafia, cotton, or even shredded paper.  A paper cup cut in half makes a little manger, or you can construct one out of popsicle sticks, depending on the age of your children.  It's so easy to use what you have on hand.  :)

Coloring Pages here.

I will post another craft idea later. Have an awesome week!!!

Holy Spirit

I just had the most wonderful conversation with Andrew and Amerie!!  It was one of those talks that started out on one topic and moved into something that was completely different, but the presence of the Spirit was so strong, I'm confident He had a hand in it!!

We were talking about dreams.  They were in bed and were supposed to be sleeping, and I had gone up to shush them.  :)  They each wanted to tell me about dreams they had, and after they each had a turn, Amerie asked me to share one of my own.  I told them about a dream I had when I was about their age (Andrew is 5 1/2 and Amerie is almost 4).  To this day, my grandmother still remembers me waking and telling her about it.  My response to the dream led my grandmother to believe it really happened.  My entire life I have firmly believed in it, too.

I dreamt that i had gone to a church, one that I had never been in before.  The church consisted of a sanctuary full of windows along both sides, with full summer sunlight light streaming in.  Before entering the church, there was a large vestibule, with hooks around the walls for hanging coats.  I was waiting in the vestibule, alone, but I wasn't frightened.  I looked towards the entrance to the sanctuary, and Jesus came walking towards me.  He was wearing a white gown, like most pictures show Him in.  He had on a sash over the gown, which He removed and hung on a hook, grabbing a similar sash to put on in it's place.  The two sashes were different colors, but I only remember that one of them was a beautiful light blue.  After He changed sashes, He walked right to me and said, "Hello Elizabeth!"  He knealt down next to me and we talked.  I do not remember how long, or what we talked about.  But we talked.  Like He was a friend I had known forever and He wanted to personally ask me how I was and what was going on in my life.  And He told me He loved me.  I was very aware of the joy that He had and love that filled Him.  I also remember that, although I was a painfully shy child, I felt completely comfortable with Him.  I even have a vague memory of sitting in His lap.  I wanted to stay with Him.

I told it to my kids, with less detail, and by the time I had finished, Amerie was quite upset and crying.  Obviously, this was not a dream that I thought would upset either one of them!!  I asked her what was wrong, and she started crying harder.  She said that she's never gotten to meet Jesus, not even in a dream and she really, really wants to.  I know this child, who has the biggest heart I've ever seen, already loves her Jesus very much.  So I asked her if she wanted to pray about it and tell Jesus how much she wants to meet Him.  In that moment, when I asked her if she wanted to pray, I felt the Holy Spirit completely surround the 3 of us.  He was there with us in that room tonight.  I felt it so strongly. 

I prayed that He would hear her heart and that it would be tender to her request and her desire to meet Him.  I asked that He would come to her in her dream tonight, and Andrew's, and that the Holy Spirit would speak to both of them.  I asked that they would wake up in the morning with shining faces remembering the time they spent with Him.  I asked Him to have it in His hands.  And then I told them about the Holy Spirit, and how we have spirits, which are inside of us and do all the thinking and control of our bodies.  I explained that when we die, our spirit is what goes to Heaven, even though our body stays on Earth.  And then I told them that Jesus is in Heaven waiting for us, but when He died, He sent HIS Spirit down here to Earth, to live in us and stay with us all the time.  We can't see Him, but we can talk to Him whenever we want.  And when we are old enough to know how to listen, He will speak back to us. I told them that I talk to Him all day, and He talks to me.  He tells me what choices to make, and what the future holds.  He tells me how to take care of each of them and what kind of mommy I should be.  And He tells me over and over that He is watching over us and taking care of us. 

They are young.  I'm sure that someone may be thinking "that's a lot for a 3 and 5 year old to understand."  But you know what?  They hung on every word.  They had questions and responses when I was done that assured me they "got it."  I know they understood as much as their little minds possibly can.  And they see it in me.  I am living that faith out every day and telling them about it every moment that I can.  Aimee has already accepted Christ's death on the cross, and she feels very strongly that the Lord is asking her to be baptized. 

I have been praying that the Lord would help me pass my faith on to each and every one of my children, and on nights like tonight, when we talk about Him and we pray together, I feel His prescence surrounding us and their faces shining with their love for Him.  I am reassured that my prayers are being heard and that my children are already getting to know Him. I want them to have the relationship with the Holy Spirit that I have, if not even better.  I want so much for them to lay all that they are at His feet and ask Him to wreck them.  To tear up who they are and rebuild them into a reflection of Himself. 

Only then can they truly experience who He is and what He has in store for them. 

Only then can they know the pure joy of the Lord.

And only then can they see a glimpse of eternity and the endless communion and fellowship in His court.  And what He wants SO MUCH to share with them and do in, and through, them while they are here on Earth.  I pray they desire that relationship.

Tonight, they were introduced to the Holy Spirit.  They heard, once more, that Jesus is with us and they can talk to Him whenever they want.  They talked about Him like He's a personal friend of the family, and sweet little Amerie cried because she wants to see Him in front of her.  To walk with Him, smile up at His face, and hold His hand.  I know He loves them even more than I do, and He wants to see them fulfill every purpose and plan He has for them. 

I am confident that He has my children in His hands, and that He is already calling their hearts.  And my heart is so glad.

We serve an awesome God!!

Coffee...

I put in a previous post that I was super thankful for Tim Horton's Cafe Mochas (I LOVE them), but that I was giving them (and coffee) up.  I have been drinking tea this week to slowly wean myself off of caffeine.  But wouldn't you know it, that as soon as I say i'm going to give up coffee, I am GIFTED coffee from several wonderful people?!

This past Sunday morning, my Uncle Jeff met me outside the church nursery with an extra large (extra large!!!  Whoo-hoo!) Tim Horton's Cafe Mocha.  Uncle Jeffy and I have bonded over Tim Horton's.  I had to do my family duty and accept the coffee.  I mean, I love the guy.  I had to...

Yesterday, Wednesday, I checked my church mailbox and found a Christmas card with a Tim Horton's gift card inside.  It was signed, "from a friend."  Friend...I love you.

And this morning, when a friend dropped of his son (I baby-sit my friend Ellisa's adorable little boy, who is Amerie's age) he had bought me a McCafe caramel coffee (which I've never had before, but really enjoyed!!).  Ellisa has been under the weather, and the coffee was a thank you for helping them out with their boys.  It was a yummy start to a Thursday morning.

So...I say I'm going to give up coffee, and then I am gifted coffee!!  All week!!  I think this is absolutely hilarious.

Maybe I should say I'm going to give up dark chocolate, also...  ;-)

Bedtime Prayers

Amerie and Andrew have been saying the Lord's prayer for awhile now.  I love the way their little voices say the familiar words!!  If Blogger had the capability to upload sound files, I would.  But in the meantime, I'll do my best with a phonetic version of Amerie's "Lord's Prayer."

Our Podder

Who art in Hebben

Howowed be zy name

Zy ting-dom tum

Dy will be done

On Erse, as it is in Hebben

Gib ussis day our daiwee bwed

And forgib us our trespassessess

As we forgib those

Who trespassessess against us

Lead us not 

Into ataytion

But dewibber us fwom ebulls

For thine is the Teenom, the Power, and the Gwory

For ebber and ebber

AMEN!!!

Blessings

I guess this would be a post better suited for the month of November, when everyone is giving thanks and thinking about the good things in their lives.  But this morning, around 6:45 am, I happened to be out on the road, in the dark, and my mind wandered to all of the wonderful blessings in my life.  I was amazed at the number of things I am thankful for that aren't actual "things," even if some of them still were (like my minivan.  It was a joyous day when we got a minivan and myself and my four children no longer had to pile into my 5 passenger Aura).

Here they are...

In no particular order, 'cuz it's still too early for my brain to consider things like "order of importance."


1.  My relationship with my Lord.  I didn't know it was possible to have this.  If I did , I would have yearned for it years ago.  It took so much heartache and personal maturity to get where I am, but I am thankful for it. 

2.  I'm thankful for my children.  Of course.  :)  But not a day goes by that I don't smother their cheeks in kisses and thank the Lord for letting me be a mother.

3.  The gift of being able to homeschool my babies.  My heart longed for homeschooling for so long, especially after I homeschooled Aimee for half of her second grade year and then "gave it up forever."  I was so sad over it.  I firmly believe this is what is best for our family.

4.  I'm thankful for the Lord, and my new friend Julie, for blessing us with the use of Sonlight!!!  I have spent HOURS pouring over their catalog.  I'm already excited about each and every year we will spend with their curriculum, if it's still available to us.  Sonlight, and it's heavy reading, is not for everyone.  But it's definitely for us!

5.  I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my parents.  Wait...I'm thankful for my parents!!  I'm thankful for the home they raised us in, for instilling a Christian faith within us, for taking my kids and I in, even though they were enjoying the empty nest!!  It's crazy, messy, loud in this home on any given day and i have NEVER heard them complain about the sacrifices they have made, nor have they ever said anything to lay guilt on me.  Their child had a need and they met it.  They're wonderful parents.  They're pretty fun to hang out with and great to go to for advice, too.  :)

6.  I'm thankful for the relationship that Phil and I are developing.  Aimee doesn't quite know what to make of it.  When he picks up or drops off the kids, he stays to talk.  We joke.  We laugh.  He even bought me a Tim Horton's Cafe Mocha this week, just because.  We may be divorced, but that doesn't mean that we have to hate each other and fight all the time.  I'm also thankful that we can raise our kids "together," by making the big decisions as a team, even if we no longer live in the same household.  Even the homeschooling we discussed before making the decision together.  I'm sure this is of the Lord, and I am so thankful.

7.  Tim Horton's Cafe Mocha's  I love them.  I have decided to give them up, but they were wonderful while they lasted.  I'm sipping my last one as I type.  :)

8.  My church.  I LOVE MY CHURCH.  And all the wonderful people there.  They support, encourage, grow, serve.  They are examples of who/what I hope to be.  I love my church.

9.  My burdens and the work the Lord is doing within me.  He is truly breaking me and making me over.  I feel Him calling me for a specific purpose, and I am waiting patiently and preparing in the meantime.  I am so grateful for our Lord and Saviour.

10.  I'm grateful for Jesus death on the cross.  I may have mentioned it in the number 10 slot, but nothing else matters like it does.

11.  My van.  :)  See above.

12.  I'm so thankful that God always provides.  Always.  My kids (and I) are always clothes, fed, warm, clean.  Even last week, He provided for Aimee's birthday in His own special way.  He amazes me.

13.  I'm thankful that He has a plan for my life.  I sort of mentioned this above.  But my life went in a direction I never thought it would, and I have had to pick myself up and start all over.  I chose to do this by laying every part of me and my life at His feet and asking Him to take over, and I have not regretted it since.  It has been amazing, even if it's scares the heck out of me (I'm such a planner and future-thinker).

14.  I'm so excited that this year I am actually able to buy each of my kids a Christmas present.  I know presents are not what Christmas is about, but when you have four children and no means to give them gifts under the tree, this means A LOT.  They have never gone without Christmas presents, thanks to others that love them, too, but my love language is gifts and I am so very, very grateful that I can sit and think of the perfect gift for each one of my babies.

That's definitely not everything, but that's what I thought about this morning.  I also have a one year old (almost two year old!!) who is insisting on sitting in my lap while I type, and a nine year old who wants to put up the Christmas tree.  So I must get to it...

Have a blessed day!!

Fresh milk update!!!

We have fresh milk!!!  We've been leasing a cow from Hicks Dairy Farm for about a month now.  This is NOT the one from Eastern Market.  In this lease, I get up to 3 gallons per week and pay $7.50 per gallon.  We drink about 3 gallons a week between the 5 of us.  Every Wednesday, the milk is delivered to a local church, where I pick it up.  And because they actually deliver their dairy, they have to have the bacteria levels tested every other day in their milk tanks.  So I know it's bacteria-free, for those who are skeptical!!  :)

Below is a picture of Aimee's hand pointing to the layer of fresh cream on top.

The kids really like the milk, but I haven't tasted a difference.  I was partial to Meijer Vitamin D before, because it was so creamy and "fresh" tasting, and I think this milk tastes the same.  It was a little rough on our stomachs the first week, but now it just keeps us "regular."  Sorry if that was too much info, but I'm being honest!!  :)

To read about the benefits of fresh milk, I recommend this link.   Just click on the "what, why" etc. links on the left.

Aimee and I were just talking...

about how we want to stay healthy this cold and flu season.

She started it, actually...

"Mom...I think we need to do three things to stay healthy."

"What's that, baby?"  (I call all my kids "baby."  Except my boy.  He's my bubba...)

"I think we need to eat healthy, go to sleep early, and watch only a little TV."

Smart girl!!  Apparently she's absorbing some of what I am trying to teach them.  I added "drink more water" to her list and "keep the house chemical and dust free."  We're off to a good start!!

I've also purchased several teas.  I have peppermint tea, for upset stomachs, Chamomile tea to boost our immune systems and fight infection (it also helps relieve menstrual cramps), and SleepyTime tea has a "Throat Tamer" which, combined with Buckwheat honey, helps soothe sore throats. 

Aimee and I learned in Sonlight Core 2 Science yesterday all about the nose and sinus cavities, and how to keep them working properly to fight infection.  I'm the type that needs to know the "How" to understand the "Why."  If your nose dries out, like in dry winter air, it can't "trap" germs and dirt from entering your system.  Simple stuff, but it was nice seeing it all laid out and explained in detail.  :) 

So...some simple, and maybe even obvious, things we're doing to stay healthy and illness-free...

(Warning...you might think I'm a little weird on some things.  :-P )

1.  Vacuum all the rooms every single day, even the bedrooms, which I tend to slack on when it comes to every. single. day.  But I won't vacuum a bedroom within an hour before sleeping, because vacuums kick up more dust than we realize.  Let's NOT breathe that in...

2.  Wash our hands A) every time we enter the house from a trip or playing  B) before we eat  C) after using a tissue  D) obvious times, like after using the potty.  My preschoolers are not very good at this last one!  :)  While you're at it, change your towels frequently.

3.  Sweep at least once a day, to collect dust bunnies before they have dust bunny babies.  It's always after the bunnies collect that my kids decide to play under the furniture...

4.  Go to bed at a regular, reasonable time.  I am the worst offender on this one.  Midnight is usually when I call it a day.  But since the week of the divorce, I've been going to bed between 9:00 and 10:00 and I can't believe how much it's helped me.  I'd like 9:00 to be my bedtime, the kids usually go down 7:30-8:00.

5.  Dress warm!!  I have always been obsessive over this with my kids.  Socks on their feet, sweatshirts if it's below 50 degrees.  And we have quite the collection of hats, scarves, and mittens. You'd better believe my kids get their use out of them.  If your body has to put extra effort into staying warm, how can it put extra effort into fighting germs??  Dress warm.

6.  Eat healthy.  Obvious, I know.  But it's so important.  Especially fruits and veges, which are full of antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals.  And keep some homemade chicken stock on hand (it freezes really well).  There's no better comfort food when you're sick than homemade chicken noodle soup.  I try to make homemade soup several times a week. Reheated, it's a quick and nutritious lunch.

7.  Bathe.  Haha.  I'm sure you're thinking, "Why does this even need to be mentioned?"  But I'm mostly talking about kids.  We've become very aware of the need for constant handwashing, but are our hands the only part that collect germs?  And did you know that when people started bathing on a regular basis, they started to see a drop in illnesses?  Keep yourself, and your kids, clean.  :)  My kids take baths every other day in the winter (they outdoor-obsessed, so in summer it's almost every day).

8.  Wash your sheets on a regular basis, in hot water.  Especially if you take your shower in the morning (which means you don't go to bed freshly bathed)  Don't forget your kids beds, either!  As a bonus, you'll sleep much better on super clean sheets.  I'm obsessive about washing our every 7 days.  I'm weird.  I already said it.

9.  Wash the less obvious things.  Coats, lunch bags, throw blankets you use on a regular basis.  These things collect bacteria over time, too.  Keep them clean.

10.  Keep surfaces in your home, car, desk, etc. freshly wiped down.  Doorknobs and light switches count, too.  You don't even need sanitizing wipes.  Soap and water kills most germs, along with regular cleaning.  I bought a small spray bottle in the travel section of Target for $1, and I keep water and a squirt of Ivory dishsoap in it.  I can clean almost anything with it.

11.  Drink water.  Apparently, these are not in any particular order.  And I probably don't need to explain this one.  Water is good for so many things.  My personal trainer, father-of-my-children, tells his clients to drink a gallon a day.  That's a lot!!  I say start with at least one glass a day, and work up from there.

12.  I've already given you 11!!  At this point, I think I've said more than enough.  :)  If you have any other suggestions, I'd love to hear them!!

The latest in our house...

Andrew decided to skateboard in the house.  He fell, and caught the skateboard (and it's sandpaper like surface) with his face.  THIS is what having a boy is like.

He also has his first loose tooth, which the silly boy is absolutely terrified of losing.  He won't let anything touch it, lest it actually fall out.  Even the promise of $1 won't persuade him to wiggle it.

And Amerie, who wants to be like her "big brodder" is insisting, "Yesaday, I gotta bwack eye but it got all better lass nite.  And I has foured loose tooses!"

Alexis Katelyn

This little girl...

has stolen my heart.

She's my baby.  Number 4.

 

The one who screamed her head off in the delivery room for over an hour.  :)

Sometimes, she still screams.

And cries.

And throws tantrums.  It's how she voices her opinion, apparently.  She IS number 4.  You can't survive being number 4 without some spunk.

She's also goofy.  Like when she insists on wearing her winter hat during church.  (This is her with my best friend Bethany's daughter, Kennady.)

Right now, it seems like everyone is pregnant.

Like my sister Emma, the aforementioned Bethany, and every other married woman my age.  Or so it seems.  Me?  I'm adjusting to life without an infant!!  ;-)

I look at my baby girl quite often and pray, "Lord...thank you.  THANK YOU.  You knew how much i would need her."  She has been a balm during so much hurt.  My sweet little girl.  My number 4.  My "baby" while I rejoice in everyone else having their babies.

And don't get me wrong...I love all my babies.

Every single one of them.

They are such a joy in my life.

But today, I've just happened to be thinking about this one...

And thanking the Lord for blessing me with her life.  As I type this, she's laying her head on my arm and singing along to Carrie Underwood.  I could kiss her face all day.  Sometimes, it seems like I do.  And she lets me.  :)  If I'm really lucky, she kisses me back.

I love her.

I can't help it.

She's my baby.  :)

Why I use cloth diapers.

I have been blessed with four beautiful babies. 

Those babies, precious and cute as they are, came with four little butts.  And a LOT of diaper changes.  Not including the 2-3 church services per week that I'm on diaper duty in the nursery, or the 5 years I was a nanny, I would say that I have changed at least 14,000 diapers (that's 365 days X 2 years X 4 kids X an average of 5 diapers per day).  So when you factor in the nanny + nursery duty, the estimate is pretty low.

That's a LOT of diapers!!!  I wish I could tell you that I have used cloth from the beginning, or that I'm an avid environmentalist trying to reduce my carbon footprint.  I'm not.  I tried cloth diapers when my third was born.  It was pitiful.  I bought Gerber diapers with the cheap Gerber plastic covers.  And pins. 

:::shudder::: 

I gave up about a month in, much to the dismay of my husband, who had reluctantly handed over the $100 we didn't have so I could purchase everything.

When my fourth child came along, I had been desperately trying to potty train my 3 year old son.  There was no way I was having 3 kids in diapers.  But he just wasn't ready.  Which meant that I had 2 girls in diapers, and a son in pull-ups.  Money was tight.  So I put my girls back in cloth, pins, and the loud, plastic covers.

At the time, I knew NO ONE who used cloth.  Anyone who found out I made the switch thought I was a complete nut.  I am.  But not just because of cloth diapers. 

Thankfully, I met my friend Ellisa, who came to my rescue a few months into the journey.  She introduced me first to Snappi's.

  No longer did I risk poking my girls in the hip, and my husband was a little more willing to change diapers.  A little while later, she went back to work, put her son in disposables, and sold me her Fuzzibunz and Knickernappies pocket diapers.

I was in LOVE!!!  They were as easy to change as a disposable!!  And they were so CUTE, even if I had purchased mostly boy colors.

I was content with my new purchase.  I loved cloth diapering, loved saving money, and would talk to anyone who was interested about cloth diapers.  I even convinced some friends to try it for their own children.  Those friends are still using cloth, so it's not just my wonderful powers of persuasion! 

A year later, after potty training Amerie and wishing I had some girly dipes, I bought some covers and switched back to my Gerber diapers with Snappi's, only now I had velcro covers (they make diapers changes SO much easier!!) in some pretty fun colors. 

Honestly, I love cloth diapers.  I think they make something mundane but neccessary a little bit more interesting.  We even have a local cloth diaper store, No Pins Required.  It's so much fun to look at all of the diapers, covers, and accessories!  Who knew diapering could be so much FUN?!?

I will admit that cloth diapering is not for everyone.  It adds a load or two to your weekly laundry.  You have to change diapers more frequently, becuase they're not ultra-absorbant like diposables.  And the start-up cost is much more than a pack or two of diapers and wipes (but overall, it ends up a fraction of the cost you would incur with disposables).  And sometimes, it's a little gross. 

But you get over it.  Just like you get over everything gross that comes with being a mom. 

'Cuz they're worth it.  :)

Immanuel...God With Us

I was listening to the radio yesterday.  Listening to K*Love, to be exact.  And a song came on that I have heard many times.  I've probably even sang along with the lyrics (I tend to sing to the radio a lot.  My mom once saw me stopped at a red light, singing my heart out to the radio.  She found it quite funny.  Thanks mom.)  But somehow, the lyrics caught my attention in a new way.  I couldn't get them out of my head the rest of the day.

"Such a tiny offering,
Compared to Calvery
Nevertheless, we lay it at your feet"

I feel that way so many times!!  My heart feels like it will burst with love and devotion for our Lord, and yet I wish I could give Him so much more.  All I have is my very life, my future, and my children, and I have completely laid those at His feet.  It seems so small, and yet He takes it with Joy, knowing that although our gifts can never compare to the gift He so freely gave us, we give Him all we have.  He doesn't ask for any more.  I am so amazed at the God we serve. 

I ended up purchasing the song from Itunes, and listening to the entire thing.  I could swear that the songwriter looked deep into my heart when they wrote the lyrics!  I'll share them here...

God With Us – Mercy Me

Who are we, that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see, that's worth looking our way?
We are free, in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release, from the grip of these chains.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing!!

[chorus]
All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified!
 Emmanuel, God with us!
My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord You know, our hearts don't deserve Your glory.
Still You show, a love we cannot afford.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing.

[chorus]
All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified!
Emmanuel, God with us!
My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us!

Such a tiny offering, compared to Calvary,
Nevertheless, we lay it at your feet.
Such a tiny offering, compared to Calvary,
Nevertheless, we lay this at your feet.

[chorus]
All that is within me cries.
For You alone be glorified
Emmanuel, God with us.
My heart sings a brand new song.
My debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.


Good song!!!  :)

Some things I've learned...

1.  Blogging is fun, hard if you're busy.  I give the Pioneer Woman a big thumbs up.

2.  Dr. Bronner's  soaps are amazing.  I'm particularly fond of the lavender scent.  Just don't use them as shampoo.  Although my hair smelled wonderful, it felt like straw and left a funky residue, despite rinsing really well.

3.  If you purchase eggs from a local farmer, be prepared to be surprised.

4.  Soaking grains before cooking is just not for me.  This disappoints me, but I'm getting over it.  I believe the theory behind the benefits, but I haven't gotten a single recipe to work.  And baking is something I am good at and really enjoy.  I'm taking that hobby back, for myself and my kids (who love my cooking).

5.  Healthy eating is important, but it's way too easy to go overboard.  Life is about serving Jesus and loving people.  Not about food obsessions.  This is hard for me to admit.  But I love food, and I love cooking.  Trying to stick to the "rules" of a certain diet has stripped all the joy and relaxation out of something I love.  I have decided that taking it down a notch is still much better than typical American fare.

6.  Children are one of God's greatest blessings and joys.  I cannot imagine my life without my 4 babies.  Sometimes they drive me CRAZY, but when I wake up in the morning with two little hands on my cheeks, and a whispered, "I wus you, mommy," I couldn't ask for anything better.

7.  Sometimes, life is just plain HARD.  But the Lord is always faithful and He will provide strength, comfort, peace, and provision in the moments you need it.  We serve an awesome God.

8.  We serve an awesome God!!

9.  Having a heart to heart with one of your pastors every once in awhile is highly recommended.  It keeps you focused, keeps you in line.  You may not always like what they say, but if you pray about it, God usually shows you that they were right.  ;)

10.  Life is stressful...don't make it more stressful than it needs to be.  I'm a phlegmatic, which means I need downtime and little stress.  My life is h.a.r.d. right now, and I have been trying to be supermom and wonder woman during a time when I have every right to take it kinda easy.  My divorce is final on November 16.  Although I have peace over the whole affair (I laid it at the Lord's feet and I have complete faith it's in His care), I am stressed.  And sad.  And emotional. And at times, I have no brain because of everything I'm dealing with.  It's not the time to volunteer for 50 different activities and make a bunch of promises.  Unfortunately, I had to figure this out through trial.  And error.  :::sigh:::

11.  God is GOOD.  I cannot say it enough.

12.  Read your bible.  Your B.I.B.L.E.  Don't become distracted by Christian books, which are fine in and of themselves.  But there is no replacement for your bible.  And no companion as important.

13.  There is a lot to be said for routines and self-discipline.  I just have to figure out how to factor exhaustion into it.

14.  I am exhausted. 

15.  Never forget that life has "seasons," just like the weather.  This too shall pass. 

I'm so excited!!!

I received a call tonight from my favorite Eastern Market vendor.  My name finally made it to the top of the list for a cow share!!!!  I will be heading to the market in the morning to discuss leasing details and monthly payments.  I have to admit, now that it's in my grasp I am a little nervous.  I believe in the benefits of raw milk whole heartedly, but the price is so much when I have so little.  I have recently started baby-sitting regularly for a friend, but i'm so far behind on so many bills...

BUT...I figured out a budget the other day, which allows for tithing, debts and bills, savings, and spending.  I underestimated my monthly budget, so I should be able to squeeze the money out somewhere.  I've just become so comfortable with being cheap!!  I break out in cold sweats when I spend money.  :-P 

The lease I am getting into is $75 per year (to "lease" the cow) and then I am paying "boarding fees" of $75 per month, which will allow me to get 2 1/2 gallons of milk per week.  Sounds pricey, huh?  But I have learned to give up so many "things," like new clothes, nights out, "fun money."  Now that I have a little bit of income, I should be able to budget $75 per month, if i am careful.  And like i said before, I feel that raw milk is an important part of a growing child's diet.  We've already given up regular sweets and processed foods, and switched to fruits and veges, whole dairy, and soaked grains (although I would like to add more soaked grains to our diet...).  My kids love to drink tea, water, and milk.  Raw dairy is our last step...

The woman I spoke with about the cow lease said that raw milk will take some getting used to, and to take it slow at first.  We shall see how it goes.  And of course, I'll be blogging about it.  :)