I received a thank you note from my 8 year old daughter, Aimee, today. It was taped to my bedroom wall, from a pack of simple thank-you note cards she found while cleaning her bedroom. Inside, in red Crayola marker, she had written, "I love you so much Mom, thank you for having me." I chuckled when I read it, and thought about how cute it was and how much I love her. And then I thought about what she had written. Simple words, with so much weight behind them. Weight she is completely unaware of, and couldn't possibly have thought of when she wrote it. I'm sure she was trying to think of something loving and "grown up" to write. But those words took me back...
When I was 17, I started dating a guy that was two years older, and had lived across the street from me since I moved in my 6th grade year. We had never been friends. Too be honest, I was always a little afraid of him. I was a "good little Christian girl" who had been sheltered most of my years, and he was a drinker and a party-er, had been on the high school football team, and belonged to a world in which I knew nothing about. Looking back, I'm still not sure why he was interested in me. I can only assume I was incredibly boring to him. But he paid attention to me (no one ever had), which made me feel very special. He even went so far as to make sure his friends didn't swear in front of me or do anything that might offend me because, as he told them, "Liz isn't like that."
Four months after we were officially "dating," he left for Parris Island, S.C. to join the USMC. My mom has said that she thinks I fell in love with him while he was gone, through the letters we would write back and forth. Looking back, she was right. But it was "love" all the same. He arrived home just days before my high school graduation. I remember walking into his kitchen, seeing him tan and fit and transformed the way only Marine Corps bootcamp and MCI can do. If I hadn't fallen in love over letters, I did right then.
It didn't take long for our relationship to change. He was still a party-er, and since i was 18 and had graduated high school, he thought it was time I "grew up" and left my old, boring ways behind. I wasn't willing to do that. But I really liked him and didn't want to disappoint him. I was really torn. We settled for "middle ground." He came to church with me and hung out with me solo, and I never questioned his activities when he was with his friends. After a month or so, we started talking marriage.
I'll summarize the rest. We talked marriage. I was in some pretty deep puppy love. He wanted to move our relationship "forward" but I wanted to wait until we were married. I gave in after a while. I was going to marry him anyway, right? After a couple months, my guilt was too much and I tried ending the physical part of our relationship. It wasn't as simple and easy as I naively thought it would be. I tried scaring him with the possibility of a baby, but his response was always that we'd be a family then and would get married.
It went on for several months. I'm sure you can even guess the rest. I finally ended things with him, as hard as it was. I knew in my heart that we were different, and that I really did want to marry a Christian (which he was not interested in becoming). We tried to remain friends, because we still loved eachother, but it was hard not to then want the relationship back. A few weeks after my 19th birthday, a close friend came to me in tears. She thought she might be pregnant. My heart dropped in that moment when I realized i might be, too.
I went to him and told him my suspicions. I didn't even have the money for a pregnancy test and had to get it from him. I was so unbelievably scared (how would I tell my parents? What would people say at church? How would I not die of mortification?). I will never in my life forget telling him. All those months of him telling me we'd be a family were comforting me as I crossed the street to his house. He met me at the door and greeted me with, "Well?" i told him I was, and hope swelled up inside of me. Hope that he'd take a breath, process what I said, and then we would get through it together.
He didn't.
He sat down and put his head in his hands. After a moment, he looked up at me and said, "I can't have a kid, Liz. I'll give you the money to go get an abortion."
Looking back, I should have expected that response. But I didn't. I honestly thought we would get through it together, no matter how scary and huge it was going to be. I felt so heart broken and alone.
I understand the fear and desperation of that moment. I understand the intense need to make life what it was only days before. And I can tell you that God never makes a mistake when He creates a child, no matter the circumstances surrounding the child"s conception or birth.
She's 8 now. Phil officially adopted her when she was 5. She is sassy and beautiful and I cannot imagine my life without her daily presence. And Phil, even though we will soon be divorced, loves her more than anything. She is his princess.
So to her, it was a simple "thank you" she wrote to feel grown up and show her love. But it was something even more meaningful to me. And from a woman, who was once a scared teenager, alone and facing some pretty big decisions...it will be okay. And you will never regret having the baby.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
It has been way too long. I'm so sorry!!
So...if you have read my previous posts (or even read my blog title), you know that I am a country girl at heart. :) I want a farm, I want some land (like, 80+ acres. Someday...). I love to learn the old ways, and I am pretty conservative. Well...we have had quite a few changes around here, but I am fully confident that it is all the Lord's doing, and I am so excited!!
I want a farm. This is one of my dreams. I want to grow my own crops, preserve them, and eventually be able to say that all our food was grown or raised by our own hands (yes, this means I want a cow or two, chickens, goats, etc). I don't have my own land yet (don't even have my own house), but i have a garden. A huge one. It is the very first garden in what will be a community garden program in the city of Warren, and I have the privelage of being a part of it all. The first garden is on an acre or so of empty land behind my church, and we have converted it into a vegetable garden and what will soon be a certified monarch station / butterfly garden. :)
I will not bore you with details. I wouldn't even know where to start, anyway. SO much has happened so fast, but it is all by the Lord's Hand, so I know it is Blessed. This garden, the Hope Garden, will donate a portion of it's produce to Hope Center, which is a local food bank that allows it's clients to choose their own groceries (as opposed to bags filled with food they might not use). Some of the produce will also go to places where we see a need for free, fresh produce. And some of it will come home with those who have helped work the land. We use organic methods, and so far have recieved almost every plant or tool through donations (God never fails us. Sometimes He gives in abundance).
I'll stop describing, and start adding pics. They say it all so much better anyway. :)
Lexi, sitting in between two rows of tomatoes.
Aimee and a friend, planting onions
This is the front of the garden, in the back you can see the start of our vegetable beds (some pics are a couple weeks old)
Another view of the property, although it's hard to tell how deep the land really goes. My kids love running all over when we are there. :)
Just a few of the MANY flowers, fruit and vegetable plants we have received. We even have two fruit trees!!
This is the crew that has been out in the 90+ degree heat, planting, tilling, digging, and sweating simply out of love and dedication. :) I'm in blue, in the middle. On the left are my best friend Bethany, holding her daughter Kennady, and her husband Rob. On my immediate right is Ralph (Bethany's oldest brother), who dreamed this all up 2 years ago. To the right of him is Rob's brother Alex, holding Rob and Bethany's daughter Anabeth, and his girlfriend Amy. We have had many other volunteers, also. And yes, down in front are my babies hanging out in the wheelbarrow. :)
First butterfly garden bed, although I have to add that it is much more developed now.
A closer view of the butterfly bed.
Bethany helping the kids in the children's garden. We didn't think to have a children's garden until our kids, and the several pastors' kids, who all live behind the garden, wanted to help without an adult monitoring their every move. Alas, the Children's Garden. :)
Amerie "helping" in what is now strawberry beds.
A view from the back of the property. I'm realizing now how badly I need to take more pictures. :-/
Andrew "helping" hang the Hope Garden sign. He was quite thrilled when Rob and Ralph pulled out the power tools and he got to watch and "help." :)
A row of volunteers, planting tomatoes. Thank you!!
And I conclude with my favorite photo...
Andrew, who loves his guitar and making up his own songs, decided to sit in the middle of all the action, right beside the tomatoes. He played us all some country tunes while we worked in the sun. I loved every second of it. :)
That's it for now. Hopefully you can see why I haven't had time to blog!! I will take more pictures and post them soon. I love this garden, and everything that is happening through it and with it. And I LOVE when God is in control!!
I want a farm. This is one of my dreams. I want to grow my own crops, preserve them, and eventually be able to say that all our food was grown or raised by our own hands (yes, this means I want a cow or two, chickens, goats, etc). I don't have my own land yet (don't even have my own house), but i have a garden. A huge one. It is the very first garden in what will be a community garden program in the city of Warren, and I have the privelage of being a part of it all. The first garden is on an acre or so of empty land behind my church, and we have converted it into a vegetable garden and what will soon be a certified monarch station / butterfly garden. :)
I will not bore you with details. I wouldn't even know where to start, anyway. SO much has happened so fast, but it is all by the Lord's Hand, so I know it is Blessed. This garden, the Hope Garden, will donate a portion of it's produce to Hope Center, which is a local food bank that allows it's clients to choose their own groceries (as opposed to bags filled with food they might not use). Some of the produce will also go to places where we see a need for free, fresh produce. And some of it will come home with those who have helped work the land. We use organic methods, and so far have recieved almost every plant or tool through donations (God never fails us. Sometimes He gives in abundance).
I'll stop describing, and start adding pics. They say it all so much better anyway. :)
Lexi, sitting in between two rows of tomatoes.
Aimee and a friend, planting onions
This is the front of the garden, in the back you can see the start of our vegetable beds (some pics are a couple weeks old)
Another view of the property, although it's hard to tell how deep the land really goes. My kids love running all over when we are there. :)
Just a few of the MANY flowers, fruit and vegetable plants we have received. We even have two fruit trees!!
This is the crew that has been out in the 90+ degree heat, planting, tilling, digging, and sweating simply out of love and dedication. :) I'm in blue, in the middle. On the left are my best friend Bethany, holding her daughter Kennady, and her husband Rob. On my immediate right is Ralph (Bethany's oldest brother), who dreamed this all up 2 years ago. To the right of him is Rob's brother Alex, holding Rob and Bethany's daughter Anabeth, and his girlfriend Amy. We have had many other volunteers, also. And yes, down in front are my babies hanging out in the wheelbarrow. :)
First butterfly garden bed, although I have to add that it is much more developed now.
A closer view of the butterfly bed.
Bethany helping the kids in the children's garden. We didn't think to have a children's garden until our kids, and the several pastors' kids, who all live behind the garden, wanted to help without an adult monitoring their every move. Alas, the Children's Garden. :)
Amerie "helping" in what is now strawberry beds.
A view from the back of the property. I'm realizing now how badly I need to take more pictures. :-/
Andrew "helping" hang the Hope Garden sign. He was quite thrilled when Rob and Ralph pulled out the power tools and he got to watch and "help." :)
A row of volunteers, planting tomatoes. Thank you!!
And I conclude with my favorite photo...
Andrew, who loves his guitar and making up his own songs, decided to sit in the middle of all the action, right beside the tomatoes. He played us all some country tunes while we worked in the sun. I loved every second of it. :)
That's it for now. Hopefully you can see why I haven't had time to blog!! I will take more pictures and post them soon. I love this garden, and everything that is happening through it and with it. And I LOVE when God is in control!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Worship
I just posted one of my absolute favorite worship songs. It gives me chills when I think about all the song is describing. I can't wait until I'm spending eternity worshiping my Maker, and being free from pain, sadness, etc.
I used to spend all week looking forward to Sunday morning worship. We're blessed with an awesome praise and worship pastor at our church, and every Sunday is incredible. But it just recently dawned on me that I don't have to be in church to sing praise and worship songs, lifting my hands to the heavens (I know, I'm slow at thinking outside of the box). We live in a world of "one-click" access to all kinds of media. So YouTube now holds a new importance in my life. It opens up a world of music that moves me, even if i don't have the resources to purchase it and download it to my Itunes.
I have a few recommendations, but I'm sure you each have your own favorites. I'd love to hear what songs speak to your heart and bring you to worship. And I suggest taking a few minutes out of your day to raise your hands to the Heavens and sing praise to our Father. :)
Have a blessed day!
I used to spend all week looking forward to Sunday morning worship. We're blessed with an awesome praise and worship pastor at our church, and every Sunday is incredible. But it just recently dawned on me that I don't have to be in church to sing praise and worship songs, lifting my hands to the heavens (I know, I'm slow at thinking outside of the box). We live in a world of "one-click" access to all kinds of media. So YouTube now holds a new importance in my life. It opens up a world of music that moves me, even if i don't have the resources to purchase it and download it to my Itunes.
I have a few recommendations, but I'm sure you each have your own favorites. I'd love to hear what songs speak to your heart and bring you to worship. And I suggest taking a few minutes out of your day to raise your hands to the Heavens and sing praise to our Father. :)
Have a blessed day!
Monday, June 14, 2010
:)
I am happy. :) My life is super crazy right now, but God is doing amazing things that I have the privilege of being a part of. I cannot describe the joy that comes to your life when you surrender your whole self and let the Spirit have control. My life will never be the same again. :)
And i will try and post very soon some of the incredible things that He is doing!!
And i will try and post very soon some of the incredible things that He is doing!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Changes
If you've read some of my blog, you know that I am going through a lot of changes in my life. One such change is the way my family eats, although I haven't been as diligent in this as i would have liked. I have taken steps in the right direction, though. I found a farmer's market that accepts foodstamps (right now, I am only able to feed my children by the grace of foodstamps. Since I am coming to loathe supermarkets, I have been looking for better places to spend my food dollars). Detroit's Eastern Market exchanges foodstamp dollars for coins, which do not expire and can be used at many of the market's vendors. I recently purchased raw honey and a few interesting types of potatoes. This Saturday, I will be making my way back downtown in search of farm fresh eggs, more fruits and veges, and maybe even some meat, if I can find the right vendor. I have also officially given up Coca-Cola, which is huge for me. I have had a bottle of kombucha each day instead, and since kombucha cleanses the liver, i felt it necessary to up my daily intake of water. It's been three days and I have already lost three pounds (water weight, I am sure, but still nice).
On the weight-loss note...I am not a fan of dieting and working out. But I am a fan of healthy living, and i have been way too quick to use my life's stress as an excuse to be unhealthy. I am in no way overweight, but i have had four children, and have thus incurred an extra 20 lbs. I have lost 3, simply by exchanging soda for water. We shall see if my dietary changes have any effect on my permanent weight.
I know that the changes i am making are quite big, and I'm prepared for the time it may take. But i have "goals" in my mind, and by keeping these goals in mind, i have slowly been making steps in the right direction.
I
On the weight-loss note...I am not a fan of dieting and working out. But I am a fan of healthy living, and i have been way too quick to use my life's stress as an excuse to be unhealthy. I am in no way overweight, but i have had four children, and have thus incurred an extra 20 lbs. I have lost 3, simply by exchanging soda for water. We shall see if my dietary changes have any effect on my permanent weight.
I know that the changes i am making are quite big, and I'm prepared for the time it may take. But i have "goals" in my mind, and by keeping these goals in mind, i have slowly been making steps in the right direction.
My goals are:
To give up pasteurized, homogenized milk, in exchange for raw, fresh milk
To grind my own grains for consuming, and to always soak or sprout them before using them
To give up almost all prepackaged, store bought foods
Consume 1-2 eggs per day, from healthy chickens (most likely from a small farm)
Eat more raw fruits and veges
Finally get in the habit of sleeping a full night, every night (it's 10:30 right now...)
Spend every morning in prayer, before my children awake, and consume more of my bible
Get all my recipes on 4x6 cards, organized and in one place!!!!
Learn more about natural cures and remedies, especially for my children
Learn to make all my own bath and beauty products, and some household products (laundry soap???)
Get in the habit of taking my kids for a walk every day, for exercise and quality time :)
Figure out schooling and money, so i can release some stress and start making a future farm a goal with a plan, not just a dream...
Those are my goals for now. It's really nice to say that I have been getting better at making them habits, not just goals. But it's definitely still a work in progress. I have finally come to a place where I call on the Lord in everything, big and little, and I know that it's only by His grace and guidance that I am finally becoming who I've always wanted to be. :)
I
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Feeding Babies
I was reading up on nutrition and some new recipes at one of my favorite blogs, Meg's Fave Recipes. I highly recommend the nutritional guidelines set by Weston Price, which is the basis for the book "Nourishing Traditions." If you haven't read 'Nourishing Traditions,' I am strongly encouraging you to run to the bookstore and buy a copy RIGHT NOW. If you want to know why, refer back to this post.
Meg posted a link on her blog to a general guideline on feeding babies. I think the info is so important, I am sharing it myself. The doctors and food companies are wrong, wrong, WRONG. A baby's stomach is not ready for any type of grain until after the first birthday, and we are taught to start an infant on cereal sometimes as early as 3 months. If you have children, or are planning to have children, PLEASE read this post. You very well may be (unknowingly) leading your infant down the road that leads to obesity, allergies, asthma, heart disease, or diabetes. The link is here.
Again, I am not here to tell anyone how to do anything. "To each, his own, I say." But I feel very strongly about several topics, and traditional nutrition is one of them. I wouldn't feel right about keeping the information to myself.
I will post more information soon. I recently purchased my own grains and am going to experiment with grinding them myself before soaking and using them in baking recipes. The info on why I soak my grains before baking or cooking them is here. I will keep you posted on how they turn out.
My mom and i are also experimenting with homemade lotion recipes. We've already tried making our own almond oil lotion, and grapeseed oil lotion. We've both been using the grapeseed oil lotion for over a month. It's pretty good stuff! :) I also want to try making toothpaste, deodorant, and various other health and beauty staples. I'm loving the cost savings and control over what is in the products I'm using every day. Especially in things my kids use, like toothpaste and lotion. I will post the recipes after I have tried them, just in case anyone is interested.
Lastly, I bought some kombucha at a nearby health food store. Kombucha is a chinese tea (it's actually a by-product of fermenting tea and sugar that is full of lacto-bacilli). I read that it's hard to find store-bought kombucha that is worth drinking, but home brewing is hard, dangerous, and time-consuming. The brand I tried was GT's Raw Organic, and it is definitely potent!! From what I've read, true kombucha should give you a "buzz' after drinking it. Try a bottle of GT's!! I tried almost all the flavors, and I recommend the ginger. Good stuff. :) According to the bottle (and many sources I've read) kombucha supports digestion, metabolism, the immune system, appetite control, weight control, liver function, body alkalinity, anti-aging, cell integrity, and healthy skin and hair. I don't know if it can really accomplish all of those claims, but I've heard it's very good for cleansing the body of toxins. FYI...you shouldn't drink kombucha if you are pregnant or nursing, since your body may dispose of toxins in your breastmilk, and a baby may receive them through your bloodstream. I waited until I knew Lex was through nursing before I tried it. I'm hooked for now. :)
Meg posted a link on her blog to a general guideline on feeding babies. I think the info is so important, I am sharing it myself. The doctors and food companies are wrong, wrong, WRONG. A baby's stomach is not ready for any type of grain until after the first birthday, and we are taught to start an infant on cereal sometimes as early as 3 months. If you have children, or are planning to have children, PLEASE read this post. You very well may be (unknowingly) leading your infant down the road that leads to obesity, allergies, asthma, heart disease, or diabetes. The link is here.
Again, I am not here to tell anyone how to do anything. "To each, his own, I say." But I feel very strongly about several topics, and traditional nutrition is one of them. I wouldn't feel right about keeping the information to myself.
I will post more information soon. I recently purchased my own grains and am going to experiment with grinding them myself before soaking and using them in baking recipes. The info on why I soak my grains before baking or cooking them is here. I will keep you posted on how they turn out.
My mom and i are also experimenting with homemade lotion recipes. We've already tried making our own almond oil lotion, and grapeseed oil lotion. We've both been using the grapeseed oil lotion for over a month. It's pretty good stuff! :) I also want to try making toothpaste, deodorant, and various other health and beauty staples. I'm loving the cost savings and control over what is in the products I'm using every day. Especially in things my kids use, like toothpaste and lotion. I will post the recipes after I have tried them, just in case anyone is interested.
Lastly, I bought some kombucha at a nearby health food store. Kombucha is a chinese tea (it's actually a by-product of fermenting tea and sugar that is full of lacto-bacilli). I read that it's hard to find store-bought kombucha that is worth drinking, but home brewing is hard, dangerous, and time-consuming. The brand I tried was GT's Raw Organic, and it is definitely potent!! From what I've read, true kombucha should give you a "buzz' after drinking it. Try a bottle of GT's!! I tried almost all the flavors, and I recommend the ginger. Good stuff. :) According to the bottle (and many sources I've read) kombucha supports digestion, metabolism, the immune system, appetite control, weight control, liver function, body alkalinity, anti-aging, cell integrity, and healthy skin and hair. I don't know if it can really accomplish all of those claims, but I've heard it's very good for cleansing the body of toxins. FYI...you shouldn't drink kombucha if you are pregnant or nursing, since your body may dispose of toxins in your breastmilk, and a baby may receive them through your bloodstream. I waited until I knew Lex was through nursing before I tried it. I'm hooked for now. :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Farm Life
This is from a friend of mine, who is, as she puts it, 'living totally store free- on a farm, and at peace.'' I thought it would be a nice follow up to my post from yesterday, since it describes the life I want for myself and my kids PERFECTLY. She sent this to her old homeschool group here in Michigan, just to tell them how they were all doing and describe the new life they were living. I am so happy for her, and so jealous!! :-)
'I want to move on a farm too and be with like minded people!!'
All this talk has made me think about how we are living now....I already did that-- and LOVE it. We butcher our own cows, hogs, pigs, chicken, turkeys, ducks and pheasants. We have fresh cow milk daily (and goat but none of us really like the taste too much- use it for cooking and cheeses) We make our own bread, cheese, doughs (for pizza, pies and stuff) and eat all chicken, pheasant, and duck eggs. It is sooooo easy- and waaaayyyy cheaper. All our animals are pasture (grass fed only!) with hay added. They also drink right out of the creek! Never knew they could live like that AND get fat-- but they do!! So-- no feeding or watering ever! Except for the pigs and hogs who get our table scraps. Just have to open chicken coop up in the morning than close it at night- chickens and all birds know to go in to avoid coyotes at night. Never knew farm life could be sooo easy. The neighbor butches all animals for us- and we package it up ourselves- so we just pay for original purchase of animal- and that's it. And now with baby chicks, pigs and cows- we don't even need to purchase them again! Have three freezers FULL of all cuts and kinds of meat- for about $500 total- Well worth it! EVERYONE out here does it-- they call it living on self-sufficient farms. We also have apple, plum, peach and pear trees- and now growing oranges and lemon-- hope they take! Also have strawberries, rasberries, blueberries, all kinds of beans, potatoes, corn, tomatoes, three different squashes, ect.. My sister still has a pantry full of canned stuff from last year- jellies, meats, veggies- ect... No added anything- sugar, preservatives, ect... She said her and the neighbor canned one day to get all that- it lasts over a year! And they had a fun day too! And my sister is an advid beekeeeper- so we have honey fresh every day- very beneficial to our health. She also grows all her own herbs ( the legal ones lol) pepper, parsley, sage, thyme, ect... She has over 30 of them. Including her own wheat field! We don't even grocery shop- really we don't - Well ocassionaly- when my kids whine for drinks like pop and such. (Our only guilty pleasure left. Otherwise we are pretty organic now I guess.) Tried this week to make our own butter and ice-cream-- both great! I love the health benefits- but moreso I love the cheapness of it all. I get steaks, pork chops, ribs, bacon, hamburger- for close to nothing- just the price of the animal and hay-- and not even going to a store! Really understand why people are doing this! Good luck to all of you who are trying to live this way also-- amongst "city living" I absolutely love having the space and opportunity to be able to do this!!
And since I moved her I have been feeling guilty that my children haven't done much schooling. But then I realized in one months time they have... Gathered eggs, watched baby chicks hatch and held and fed them, had baby ducks, had tadpoles turn into baby turtles, fished in the creek daily, had caterpillars turn into butterflies and let them loose, milked a cow, and fed baby cows a bottle, learned more about and cared for and fed horses, cows and pigs, gardened- and learned about spices, vegetables, fruits, cooked (learned math and science there) caught fireflies in jars at night, learned about bonfires and how air helps keep the fire going, ect... And once again I realize life is a constant lesson- and even if your not formally schooling them- they are always learning so much- just by living- and you being there right along with them. As a former homeschooler here told me- we are teaching our children life-lessons and how to be self-sufficient in life. And let me tell you- these homeschooled farm kids can and do work! It's just a "normal" way of life for them- and now us too:)
Just a little hi- to all my friends back there- and as you can see we are doing fine:) Take Care- and we'll be in touch........
'I want to move on a farm too and be with like minded people!!'
All this talk has made me think about how we are living now....I already did that-- and LOVE it. We butcher our own cows, hogs, pigs, chicken, turkeys, ducks and pheasants. We have fresh cow milk daily (and goat but none of us really like the taste too much- use it for cooking and cheeses) We make our own bread, cheese, doughs (for pizza, pies and stuff) and eat all chicken, pheasant, and duck eggs. It is sooooo easy- and waaaayyyy cheaper. All our animals are pasture (grass fed only!) with hay added. They also drink right out of the creek! Never knew they could live like that AND get fat-- but they do!! So-- no feeding or watering ever! Except for the pigs and hogs who get our table scraps. Just have to open chicken coop up in the morning than close it at night- chickens and all birds know to go in to avoid coyotes at night. Never knew farm life could be sooo easy. The neighbor butches all animals for us- and we package it up ourselves- so we just pay for original purchase of animal- and that's it. And now with baby chicks, pigs and cows- we don't even need to purchase them again! Have three freezers FULL of all cuts and kinds of meat- for about $500 total- Well worth it! EVERYONE out here does it-- they call it living on self-sufficient farms. We also have apple, plum, peach and pear trees- and now growing oranges and lemon-- hope they take! Also have strawberries, rasberries, blueberries, all kinds of beans, potatoes, corn, tomatoes, three different squashes, ect.. My sister still has a pantry full of canned stuff from last year- jellies, meats, veggies- ect... No added anything- sugar, preservatives, ect... She said her and the neighbor canned one day to get all that- it lasts over a year! And they had a fun day too! And my sister is an advid beekeeeper- so we have honey fresh every day- very beneficial to our health. She also grows all her own herbs ( the legal ones lol) pepper, parsley, sage, thyme, ect... She has over 30 of them. Including her own wheat field! We don't even grocery shop- really we don't - Well ocassionaly- when my kids whine for drinks like pop and such. (Our only guilty pleasure left. Otherwise we are pretty organic now I guess.) Tried this week to make our own butter and ice-cream-- both great! I love the health benefits- but moreso I love the cheapness of it all. I get steaks, pork chops, ribs, bacon, hamburger- for close to nothing- just the price of the animal and hay-- and not even going to a store! Really understand why people are doing this! Good luck to all of you who are trying to live this way also-- amongst "city living" I absolutely love having the space and opportunity to be able to do this!!
And since I moved her I have been feeling guilty that my children haven't done much schooling. But then I realized in one months time they have... Gathered eggs, watched baby chicks hatch and held and fed them, had baby ducks, had tadpoles turn into baby turtles, fished in the creek daily, had caterpillars turn into butterflies and let them loose, milked a cow, and fed baby cows a bottle, learned more about and cared for and fed horses, cows and pigs, gardened- and learned about spices, vegetables, fruits, cooked (learned math and science there) caught fireflies in jars at night, learned about bonfires and how air helps keep the fire going, ect... And once again I realize life is a constant lesson- and even if your not formally schooling them- they are always learning so much- just by living- and you being there right along with them. As a former homeschooler here told me- we are teaching our children life-lessons and how to be self-sufficient in life. And let me tell you- these homeschooled farm kids can and do work! It's just a "normal" way of life for them- and now us too:)
Just a little hi- to all my friends back there- and as you can see we are doing fine:) Take Care- and we'll be in touch........
I love it!!! Farming is not for everyone, but to some there is no other way of life. I feel it in my very soul. I have wanted a farm since I was old enough to learn the difference between farm life and city life. And I want THIS kind of farm. Cows, pigs, chickens, bees, vegetable gardens, wheat fields, orchards...I could go on and on.
It seems like such a faraway dream, but Cheryl had written me to tell me that it's all possible. God is so big! If it is in accordance with His Will, He will make a way for a mom and her babies to live the farm life. And then this country girl can blog all about it. :-D
Monday, May 24, 2010
Downsizing. :)
I have a slight disdain for the conventional American lifestyle. I heard a statistic in church years ago that said by simply living in America, you are richer than 80% of the world's population. I thought on that for weeks. And I'll admit that I was a spoiled brat and didn't even realize it. I think we all are, even if it's just a little bit.
Have you ever skipped a meal because you didn't like what was being served? Imagine waiting all day in line for a bowl of rice.
Have you ever run through the snow in your bare feet to get the mail or morning paper? Imagine not having any shoes.
What about running the TV simply for noise? Ever thought about those who've never had electricity?
How about standing in a hot shower or bath, simply to relax after a stressful day. Can you imagine NEVER having used indoor plumbing?
Can you? Can you really imagine what that lifestyle would be like? Do you ever stop and thank God for the lifestyle you were born into? Even if you never had a tv, or fancy clothes, or gourmet meals. You were fed every day, I assume. Always clothed appropriately. Probably had a warm, clean bed to sleep in.
I know that my opinions and choices are not for everyone. I don't expect them to be. You are you, and God made me to be me. And these things weigh very heavy on me.
I remember when I got married, and I casually mentioned to a close family member that we weren't going to get cable. He was shocked at the thought of an American not having a TV, and could not understand why I would give up such a standard item. At the time, it was a money issue. But the lack of it helped me to realize how unnecessary it was to my life.
Tonight I had an epiphany while trying to get my kids to clean up the family room. They have so many toys! By the time we were done cleaning it all up, we had lost a half hour of our time and I was in a grumpy mood. I would much rather have spent that time doing something else. I spent the entire day today going through all of the boxes from Phil's house, and I can't begin to tell you how much stuff I didn't want to get rid of, but had completely forgotten I owned!! I don't need any of it. And i hate the space it takes up.
So I have decided to downsize. I am getting rid of almost all of our toys. My kids consistently play with the same few toys, so I'm giving away the rest. I'm also getting rid of our TVs. Yes, we have several. And I have been getting more and more uncomfortable with the direction television is going. I caught an episode of a Disney cartoon that showed a classroom full of children singing, "Evil! Evil! We want evil!!!" Are you KIDDING me????? I'm done. I don't have the time or desire to watch everything my kids might see, and if I can't even trust the Disney channel to be safe, I can't trust anything.
This is going to be a little difficult for me considering that I live in my parents house. I can't exactly tell them that their TV's and DVR's have to go. And I am fairly confident that I will get some opinions that say I am "sheltering" and "depriving" my children, when the word gets out about our downsizing. But if these things are uneccessary, why do we need them? If they distract us from the goal, why should we hold on to them? My most important job as a parent is to teach my children to live a holy lifestyle, to consume the Bible from a very young age, and to set aside time every day for prayer and communion with Holy Spirit. Not to learn Spanish from Dora the Explorer.
I want to tell you about a neighbor I once had. She had a profound effect on me, and she probably never even knew it! We lived in a second story apartment, and she lived in the apartment directly below us, with her 3 children. She was a woman of God and I loved talking with her in passing. One day, we were invited into her home. The first thing I noticed upon entering was that she had no furniture!! There were two bar stools at the kitchen counter, and an old rocking chair in a corner. No couches, no TV. They didn't even have a kitchen table. I was in shock.
But then she walked me over to her dining room wall. It was covered from floor to ceiling with scripture verses that she would write on paper and tape to the wall, and she and her children would read them over when life got too hard.
I thought on that for months.
She had no distractions. Maybe it was a little extreme, and probably due to financial circumstances she was in, but what a wake up call i received when i walked back up to my own apartment that night!! I want that simplicity in my life!! I don't want all the junk, all the distractions. I want my time spent doing something useful, like learning scripture or telling my kids a Bible story. Or having heart to heart with God because the kids are sleeping and I have finished my housework for the day.
Can you imagine how your life would change if you spent even one evening per week talking with God instead of sitting in front of the television??
It's not going to be easy. This life is pretty comfortable, and when I'm tired, I love sitting in front of the tube watching my shows on the DVR. And a part of me is afraid that I really will need the extra Christmas decorations if I get rid of them. Or the sweatshirt I haven't worn in two years. Or even the cd's I still have from high school. It's my stuff, and I want to keep it.
But it's crowding my life. I want to empty it all out so the important things takes center stage.
Like my neighbor and her Bible verses.
Have you ever skipped a meal because you didn't like what was being served? Imagine waiting all day in line for a bowl of rice.
Have you ever run through the snow in your bare feet to get the mail or morning paper? Imagine not having any shoes.
What about running the TV simply for noise? Ever thought about those who've never had electricity?
How about standing in a hot shower or bath, simply to relax after a stressful day. Can you imagine NEVER having used indoor plumbing?
Can you? Can you really imagine what that lifestyle would be like? Do you ever stop and thank God for the lifestyle you were born into? Even if you never had a tv, or fancy clothes, or gourmet meals. You were fed every day, I assume. Always clothed appropriately. Probably had a warm, clean bed to sleep in.
I know that my opinions and choices are not for everyone. I don't expect them to be. You are you, and God made me to be me. And these things weigh very heavy on me.
I remember when I got married, and I casually mentioned to a close family member that we weren't going to get cable. He was shocked at the thought of an American not having a TV, and could not understand why I would give up such a standard item. At the time, it was a money issue. But the lack of it helped me to realize how unnecessary it was to my life.
Tonight I had an epiphany while trying to get my kids to clean up the family room. They have so many toys! By the time we were done cleaning it all up, we had lost a half hour of our time and I was in a grumpy mood. I would much rather have spent that time doing something else. I spent the entire day today going through all of the boxes from Phil's house, and I can't begin to tell you how much stuff I didn't want to get rid of, but had completely forgotten I owned!! I don't need any of it. And i hate the space it takes up.
So I have decided to downsize. I am getting rid of almost all of our toys. My kids consistently play with the same few toys, so I'm giving away the rest. I'm also getting rid of our TVs. Yes, we have several. And I have been getting more and more uncomfortable with the direction television is going. I caught an episode of a Disney cartoon that showed a classroom full of children singing, "Evil! Evil! We want evil!!!" Are you KIDDING me????? I'm done. I don't have the time or desire to watch everything my kids might see, and if I can't even trust the Disney channel to be safe, I can't trust anything.
This is going to be a little difficult for me considering that I live in my parents house. I can't exactly tell them that their TV's and DVR's have to go. And I am fairly confident that I will get some opinions that say I am "sheltering" and "depriving" my children, when the word gets out about our downsizing. But if these things are uneccessary, why do we need them? If they distract us from the goal, why should we hold on to them? My most important job as a parent is to teach my children to live a holy lifestyle, to consume the Bible from a very young age, and to set aside time every day for prayer and communion with Holy Spirit. Not to learn Spanish from Dora the Explorer.
I want to tell you about a neighbor I once had. She had a profound effect on me, and she probably never even knew it! We lived in a second story apartment, and she lived in the apartment directly below us, with her 3 children. She was a woman of God and I loved talking with her in passing. One day, we were invited into her home. The first thing I noticed upon entering was that she had no furniture!! There were two bar stools at the kitchen counter, and an old rocking chair in a corner. No couches, no TV. They didn't even have a kitchen table. I was in shock.
But then she walked me over to her dining room wall. It was covered from floor to ceiling with scripture verses that she would write on paper and tape to the wall, and she and her children would read them over when life got too hard.
I thought on that for months.
She had no distractions. Maybe it was a little extreme, and probably due to financial circumstances she was in, but what a wake up call i received when i walked back up to my own apartment that night!! I want that simplicity in my life!! I don't want all the junk, all the distractions. I want my time spent doing something useful, like learning scripture or telling my kids a Bible story. Or having heart to heart with God because the kids are sleeping and I have finished my housework for the day.
Can you imagine how your life would change if you spent even one evening per week talking with God instead of sitting in front of the television??
It's not going to be easy. This life is pretty comfortable, and when I'm tired, I love sitting in front of the tube watching my shows on the DVR. And a part of me is afraid that I really will need the extra Christmas decorations if I get rid of them. Or the sweatshirt I haven't worn in two years. Or even the cd's I still have from high school. It's my stuff, and I want to keep it.
But it's crowding my life. I want to empty it all out so the important things takes center stage.
Like my neighbor and her Bible verses.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Where I am at this point in time. :)
I just had the craziest week in my life (maybe not, but it really did feel like it). This was the first week that I worked two different jobs, plus my kids have had several end-of-the-year field trips that I've participated in. To top it off, this was also the week that my husband filed for divorce and insisted on clearing his house of every item that is or was mine/ours. PLUS, tomorrow is my son's 5th birthday party. So I ran around like crazy all week, and have to get my house in order in one day. And what am I doing? Blogging. :-/
If you've read my previous posts, you've heard me say that I am at peace with my divorce. I don't understand some of the things i've received from the Lord, but I know His voice and that i need to trust and follow even when i don't understand.
One thing i really struggled with the last 6 months was the peace I am feeling. I fought it. I know that sounds crazy, but I did. I love my husband very, very deeply. I knew it was time to leave when i did, and I left with the intention to pursue a divorce. But as time went by, I became less angry and more willing to forgive. I've also been sensitive to the fact that I made the commitment to my marriage not only for my husband, but also for the Lord's sake. And for that, I have always been willing to give it everything I had.
I prayed for months on behalf of my marriage. I begged God, I pleaded. I cried out to Him, and asked Him to help me understand. Why did i feel such unrest when I pursued my husband? Why did i feel such a peace when I let it go? It didn't make sense to me. Shouldn't God want to save every marriage? He definitely has the power. Why didn't He swoop in and save mine? I thought he hated divorce?? These things ran through my mind all the time.
God definitely hates divorce, and according to Jesus, in Matthew 19, divorce is only "permissable" at times. But not required. And my heart was ready for whatever fight I needed to face.
I don't understand why He told me to let it go. I have my theories, but they're just that...theories. I know that I was willing to do what it took to save my marriage, but God told me to be at peace with what was to come (and for the record, I never felt that I should file for a divorce myself). On Tuesday, my husband texted me that he had finally filed for a divorce.
I have remained in prayer over the last few months, and have sought His will and desires in everything. There are desires in my heart that I know are from Him, and when the time is right, He will bring them to pass. I don't neccesarily understand all of it, but I have complete faith that He loves me and wants the best for me. Today, I felt Him tell me to remove my wedding ring. I said, "really Lord? But I'm not divorced yet." He told me again, "it's time." I said, "But what will people think? I'm still married!!" But again, He gently said, "put it away." So I did, even though I questioned it.
I don't think divorce is the answer for every suffering marriage. And I don't think removing your wedding ring before the divorce is final is the right answer for everyone. These are things that were particular to my own personal circumstances, and even I don't understand them (have I said that enough?) I have kept many details of my marriage and seperation/divorce private, so it's hard to share all my thoughts about it without betraying that privacy. But the Lord hears my prayers and I seek Him daily. I know that He has revealed to me remarriage and more children in the future, which I strongly desire. And He has helped me get through these months full of strength and peace, when my humaness wanted to linger in depression and despair.
I put a lot of private thoughts in this post, but maybe they needed to be shared. This is my journey, after all, and I'm completely led by Him. These are the latest steps on that journey. I also want to add, before I go, that because I have kept so many details private, it may be easy to misinterpret things that I do or have received through prayer. The Lord knows my heart, and my husband's. He knows the marriage and circumstances that I left under last August. And because of those private details, I am where I am and the Lord has spoken what He has. So I'm resting in the fact that anyone reading this can see my heart enough to know that I am only following Him, not myself. :) And that what He has revealed to me is not what He would reveal to everyone. But He will reveal what's right for you if you seek Him. :)
Have a blessed day.
If you've read my previous posts, you've heard me say that I am at peace with my divorce. I don't understand some of the things i've received from the Lord, but I know His voice and that i need to trust and follow even when i don't understand.
One thing i really struggled with the last 6 months was the peace I am feeling. I fought it. I know that sounds crazy, but I did. I love my husband very, very deeply. I knew it was time to leave when i did, and I left with the intention to pursue a divorce. But as time went by, I became less angry and more willing to forgive. I've also been sensitive to the fact that I made the commitment to my marriage not only for my husband, but also for the Lord's sake. And for that, I have always been willing to give it everything I had.
I prayed for months on behalf of my marriage. I begged God, I pleaded. I cried out to Him, and asked Him to help me understand. Why did i feel such unrest when I pursued my husband? Why did i feel such a peace when I let it go? It didn't make sense to me. Shouldn't God want to save every marriage? He definitely has the power. Why didn't He swoop in and save mine? I thought he hated divorce?? These things ran through my mind all the time.
God definitely hates divorce, and according to Jesus, in Matthew 19, divorce is only "permissable" at times. But not required. And my heart was ready for whatever fight I needed to face.
I don't understand why He told me to let it go. I have my theories, but they're just that...theories. I know that I was willing to do what it took to save my marriage, but God told me to be at peace with what was to come (and for the record, I never felt that I should file for a divorce myself). On Tuesday, my husband texted me that he had finally filed for a divorce.
I have remained in prayer over the last few months, and have sought His will and desires in everything. There are desires in my heart that I know are from Him, and when the time is right, He will bring them to pass. I don't neccesarily understand all of it, but I have complete faith that He loves me and wants the best for me. Today, I felt Him tell me to remove my wedding ring. I said, "really Lord? But I'm not divorced yet." He told me again, "it's time." I said, "But what will people think? I'm still married!!" But again, He gently said, "put it away." So I did, even though I questioned it.
I don't think divorce is the answer for every suffering marriage. And I don't think removing your wedding ring before the divorce is final is the right answer for everyone. These are things that were particular to my own personal circumstances, and even I don't understand them (have I said that enough?) I have kept many details of my marriage and seperation/divorce private, so it's hard to share all my thoughts about it without betraying that privacy. But the Lord hears my prayers and I seek Him daily. I know that He has revealed to me remarriage and more children in the future, which I strongly desire. And He has helped me get through these months full of strength and peace, when my humaness wanted to linger in depression and despair.
I put a lot of private thoughts in this post, but maybe they needed to be shared. This is my journey, after all, and I'm completely led by Him. These are the latest steps on that journey. I also want to add, before I go, that because I have kept so many details private, it may be easy to misinterpret things that I do or have received through prayer. The Lord knows my heart, and my husband's. He knows the marriage and circumstances that I left under last August. And because of those private details, I am where I am and the Lord has spoken what He has. So I'm resting in the fact that anyone reading this can see my heart enough to know that I am only following Him, not myself. :) And that what He has revealed to me is not what He would reveal to everyone. But He will reveal what's right for you if you seek Him. :)
Have a blessed day.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"My Grace is Sufficient"
I had a talk with a friend the other day (actually, it was the same friend and the same conversation about my interest in blogging). I asked him his feelings and convictions about vaccinating his two little girls. His answer was that he also sought the Lord about it, and the Lord kept coming back with "My grace is sufficient." That really stuck with me. If we lay our lives at His feet, He is going to take care of us. If we seek Him in everything, He will guide us. If vaccinating our children will be harmful to them, He will tell us. If He doesn't, we need to trust in His perfect plan. He sees the whole picture, and if we are in submission to His will, we don't need to stress over every little decision. If we earnestly seek Him everyday, He will guide our every step.
I have been in a cloud of stress and anxiety lately. Part of it is due to the fact that i have been staying up late, and i am very aware of the fact that I have a much harder time fighting Satan off when I am tired than when I am fully rested. I am aware of God's promises, biblical and personal. And yet i am stressing over the details of our lives.
I sought the Lord over tuition and enrolling my children at our Christian school. I feel very strongly that they belong there (for personal reasons. I am not saying that other educational options are wrong; they feel wrong for my children at this time). But I have a very (very) small budget. I sat down about a month ago and figured out my (potential) income vs. my expenses. I have zero room for flexibility. A short check, a sick day at my part-time job, or an emergency will throw off all my bills and obligations for the month. Plus, paying tuition for two children means no fun money. At all. Add to that the fact that I have quite a bit of overdue tuition, since I waited many months for child support and couldn't make my payments. I don't see any way to pay off this past year before the new one begins.
I'm also stressing about my future. As I have said before, I am a planner. I HAVE to have a plan!! And I am at such a weird place in my life right now. I am entirely in submission to the Lord and the work He wants to do in my life. I also know that His plan is FAR greater than anything i could ever come up with on my own. But I get so much anxiety about the unknown.
Fortunately, I have learned that days like today are usually because I am tired and/or I am under attack. So this afternoon, when my children were napping, I slipped away to my room and had a heart to heart with God. I asked His forgiveness for my lack of trust, and also for His understanding. He knows my heart, and that I really do want to trust in His plans. I just get scared sometimes (and for the record, it's REALLY scary transitioning from a simple housewife/stay-at-home mom, who's husband took care of everything, to a single mother of four with no money and no idea what the future holds or how I'm going to do it all by myself). I am also afraid that He might give me an instruction and I will be too busy to notice. He has shown me His plans and has laid certain things on my heart. I feel that my longing for more children and my own farm are from Him. I feel that my new convictions are a result of seeking His Spirit. And I am resting in His promises.
My big concerns today were tuition and the direction of my future. During my prayer time, I sought the scriptures and several were laid before me. I'll share a couple of them...
Zechariah 4:6
"So he said to me, 'This is the word of the Lord to Zarabbabel: Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty."
(Twice this week I was given this verse, and had never even heard it before!)
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
(Sidenote...I love, love, LOVE that our God knows our hearts before we even come to Him. We can't hide anything from Him, and we don't have to prove ourselves to Him. He already KNOWS. I feel such peace knowing that He knows that I am honestly seeking Him and I don't have to convince Him it's genuine.)
When my prayer time was over (and my kids were awake), the line that kept ringing through my head was, "My grace is sufficient." He knows I'm trying to trust Him, even if I struggle. He knows that tuition has to come from Him. He knows I am trusting in Him for the future, and that I am willing to do whatever He asks of me. And He will bless me because of my faithfulness. I don't think that He is angry or dissapointed in me on days when i struggle, either, because I am earnestly seeking Him with my whole heart. Life is really, really hard right now, and He knows that. But He loves me and sees my commitment to Him, and I'm sure he finds joy in it. And He knows what needs to be done in my life.
His grace is sufficient.
I have been in a cloud of stress and anxiety lately. Part of it is due to the fact that i have been staying up late, and i am very aware of the fact that I have a much harder time fighting Satan off when I am tired than when I am fully rested. I am aware of God's promises, biblical and personal. And yet i am stressing over the details of our lives.
I sought the Lord over tuition and enrolling my children at our Christian school. I feel very strongly that they belong there (for personal reasons. I am not saying that other educational options are wrong; they feel wrong for my children at this time). But I have a very (very) small budget. I sat down about a month ago and figured out my (potential) income vs. my expenses. I have zero room for flexibility. A short check, a sick day at my part-time job, or an emergency will throw off all my bills and obligations for the month. Plus, paying tuition for two children means no fun money. At all. Add to that the fact that I have quite a bit of overdue tuition, since I waited many months for child support and couldn't make my payments. I don't see any way to pay off this past year before the new one begins.
I'm also stressing about my future. As I have said before, I am a planner. I HAVE to have a plan!! And I am at such a weird place in my life right now. I am entirely in submission to the Lord and the work He wants to do in my life. I also know that His plan is FAR greater than anything i could ever come up with on my own. But I get so much anxiety about the unknown.
Fortunately, I have learned that days like today are usually because I am tired and/or I am under attack. So this afternoon, when my children were napping, I slipped away to my room and had a heart to heart with God. I asked His forgiveness for my lack of trust, and also for His understanding. He knows my heart, and that I really do want to trust in His plans. I just get scared sometimes (and for the record, it's REALLY scary transitioning from a simple housewife/stay-at-home mom, who's husband took care of everything, to a single mother of four with no money and no idea what the future holds or how I'm going to do it all by myself). I am also afraid that He might give me an instruction and I will be too busy to notice. He has shown me His plans and has laid certain things on my heart. I feel that my longing for more children and my own farm are from Him. I feel that my new convictions are a result of seeking His Spirit. And I am resting in His promises.
My big concerns today were tuition and the direction of my future. During my prayer time, I sought the scriptures and several were laid before me. I'll share a couple of them...
Zechariah 4:6
"So he said to me, 'This is the word of the Lord to Zarabbabel: Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty."
(Twice this week I was given this verse, and had never even heard it before!)
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
(Sidenote...I love, love, LOVE that our God knows our hearts before we even come to Him. We can't hide anything from Him, and we don't have to prove ourselves to Him. He already KNOWS. I feel such peace knowing that He knows that I am honestly seeking Him and I don't have to convince Him it's genuine.)
When my prayer time was over (and my kids were awake), the line that kept ringing through my head was, "My grace is sufficient." He knows I'm trying to trust Him, even if I struggle. He knows that tuition has to come from Him. He knows I am trusting in Him for the future, and that I am willing to do whatever He asks of me. And He will bless me because of my faithfulness. I don't think that He is angry or dissapointed in me on days when i struggle, either, because I am earnestly seeking Him with my whole heart. Life is really, really hard right now, and He knows that. But He loves me and sees my commitment to Him, and I'm sure he finds joy in it. And He knows what needs to be done in my life.
His grace is sufficient.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Random thoughts at 11:00 pm
I cannot begin to number the amount of times I've wondered what my life will look like 20 years from now, when i can look back on it in perspective. Will I feel I made wise choices? Did I do the right things for my kids? Big things AND all the little things? Was I terribly stressed out, but way too busy to notice? Will I still feel sad?
Saturday, Phil and I walked through his house (which used to be ours) and split our stuff. I think it was one of the most emotional things I've ever done. It was horrible. I didn't know whether to feel sad, angry, or both. I didn't know if i should stand strong and hold my head high, or beg him to agree to try again. Even typing this now is bringing all the emotions back to the surface.
I feel so confused. I said i had peace over it, and I did. But i feel so sad at the same time. And i keep thinking that if I pray hard enough, or long enough, maybe I can save my marriage. But at the same time, I wonder if i should. Or if I even want to. I don't know.
I have always obsessed over decisions. And usually, as soon as i make up my mind, i start to doubt myself and I have to start all over again. But lately, I'm thinking that i need to stop trying to make all the decisions. I feel like the Lord wants me to let it all go (big and little things) and trust in Him. It doesn't matter how school tuition gets paid, He said He'd cover it. It doesn't matter right now how I get my farm, or how big it will be, or how i can use it for His purposes. He's got it in His hands. Right now, I need to concentrate on each day as it comes. And when the day is over, I need to go to bed, knowing that tomorrow is in His hands, too, and that He will guide each step. It's not neccessary that I see every step of the way, just the step that i'm on. :)
It's really hard for me to give up my worry. I am a planner, a dreamer. I like to figure it all out, and have a plan for every possible scenario. But I can't do that right now. My life has gone in a direction that I never thought it would, and i don't know what the future holds. It's really scary for me. But I know that my God is a big, big God. And that He's done some pretty incredible stuff. I think He can take care of the lives of a single mom and her four precious babies. And that His plan is far better than anything i could ever dream up myself. So as hard as it is for me, I'm going to trust in Him. I'm going to surrender each day as it comes, and when i look back 20 years from now, I will see His hand in my life and the direction that He took me. And I will be very blessed.
Saturday, Phil and I walked through his house (which used to be ours) and split our stuff. I think it was one of the most emotional things I've ever done. It was horrible. I didn't know whether to feel sad, angry, or both. I didn't know if i should stand strong and hold my head high, or beg him to agree to try again. Even typing this now is bringing all the emotions back to the surface.
I feel so confused. I said i had peace over it, and I did. But i feel so sad at the same time. And i keep thinking that if I pray hard enough, or long enough, maybe I can save my marriage. But at the same time, I wonder if i should. Or if I even want to. I don't know.
I have always obsessed over decisions. And usually, as soon as i make up my mind, i start to doubt myself and I have to start all over again. But lately, I'm thinking that i need to stop trying to make all the decisions. I feel like the Lord wants me to let it all go (big and little things) and trust in Him. It doesn't matter how school tuition gets paid, He said He'd cover it. It doesn't matter right now how I get my farm, or how big it will be, or how i can use it for His purposes. He's got it in His hands. Right now, I need to concentrate on each day as it comes. And when the day is over, I need to go to bed, knowing that tomorrow is in His hands, too, and that He will guide each step. It's not neccessary that I see every step of the way, just the step that i'm on. :)
It's really hard for me to give up my worry. I am a planner, a dreamer. I like to figure it all out, and have a plan for every possible scenario. But I can't do that right now. My life has gone in a direction that I never thought it would, and i don't know what the future holds. It's really scary for me. But I know that my God is a big, big God. And that He's done some pretty incredible stuff. I think He can take care of the lives of a single mom and her four precious babies. And that His plan is far better than anything i could ever dream up myself. So as hard as it is for me, I'm going to trust in Him. I'm going to surrender each day as it comes, and when i look back 20 years from now, I will see His hand in my life and the direction that He took me. And I will be very blessed.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Somehow this post turned into my testimony...
So...I had some friends tell me this week that they had read my blog. I admitted that I was surprised, since silly me thinks that no one ever reads it. :) They asked me if I am really into blogging. My answer? No. I am so terrible at this. I was never one for remembering to journal, either. :-P But I think it's starting to grow on me.
I've really been amazed lately at the work the Lord has been doing in my life. I'm almost starting to feel spoiled. He is so gracious and loving. I pray constantly that I can please Him and bless Him in return.
I'm one of those Christians who's "been a Christian forever." I can't tell you when I was saved. I was probably a young child. I grew up in the same church that I now attend with my children (it's been 28 years this past March). I'm not the rebellious type, so making the decision to "be good" and follow Christ was easy for me all 28 of those years. But I was never passionate about it. I never woke with praise on my lips, never laid myself at Christ's feet and submitted myself completely as His servant. But how I wish I could tell you the joy of coming to that place!!! This has probably been the hardest year of my life, but also the most wonderful. They say that when you go through life's storms, you either cling to the Lord, or turn from Him. I clung to Him with everything I had. I know that He does not cause the bad, but He can use it. He used it to set me free from my complacency and grow me into maturity. And I now know the feeling of being in the presence of His Spirit, and also the peace of coming to that place where you submit yourself to Him and ask Him to fill you up with that same Spirit. And I don't have to worry anymore. I know that He loves me and that He is watching over me, and my children. I know that everything is in His hands. And I know that He is pleased with me, because I have given Him everything I can. Do you know how wonderful it is to know that GOD is pleased with ME??? I love Him so much.
There is a lot going on in our lives right now. Tomorrow, Aimee has an interview for a potential (big) scholarship for next year (my kids attend our church's Christian school, and I am relying on the Lord to provide the tuition. He told me He would, and I trust that this scholarship is in His Hands). After the interview, I am going (alone, of course) to Phil's and we are physically dividing up our stuff.
I have a peace about my divorce. It took me forever to surrender to that peace (because I didn't understand the "why" of it), but it is from the Lord and I need to rest in that. I know that God has a plan, and He knows I am in agreement to it, whatever it may be. And He's even been gracious enough to give me little glimpses into the future. But no matter where He takes me, I know that I will be happy. I know that I will be cared for. And I know that I have His Love. And I look forward to serving Him, and one day standing before Him and meeting Him face to face. But for now, I am living every day as His servant. And I'm loving every step of the journey. :)
I've really been amazed lately at the work the Lord has been doing in my life. I'm almost starting to feel spoiled. He is so gracious and loving. I pray constantly that I can please Him and bless Him in return.
I'm one of those Christians who's "been a Christian forever." I can't tell you when I was saved. I was probably a young child. I grew up in the same church that I now attend with my children (it's been 28 years this past March). I'm not the rebellious type, so making the decision to "be good" and follow Christ was easy for me all 28 of those years. But I was never passionate about it. I never woke with praise on my lips, never laid myself at Christ's feet and submitted myself completely as His servant. But how I wish I could tell you the joy of coming to that place!!! This has probably been the hardest year of my life, but also the most wonderful. They say that when you go through life's storms, you either cling to the Lord, or turn from Him. I clung to Him with everything I had. I know that He does not cause the bad, but He can use it. He used it to set me free from my complacency and grow me into maturity. And I now know the feeling of being in the presence of His Spirit, and also the peace of coming to that place where you submit yourself to Him and ask Him to fill you up with that same Spirit. And I don't have to worry anymore. I know that He loves me and that He is watching over me, and my children. I know that everything is in His hands. And I know that He is pleased with me, because I have given Him everything I can. Do you know how wonderful it is to know that GOD is pleased with ME??? I love Him so much.
There is a lot going on in our lives right now. Tomorrow, Aimee has an interview for a potential (big) scholarship for next year (my kids attend our church's Christian school, and I am relying on the Lord to provide the tuition. He told me He would, and I trust that this scholarship is in His Hands). After the interview, I am going (alone, of course) to Phil's and we are physically dividing up our stuff.
I have a peace about my divorce. It took me forever to surrender to that peace (because I didn't understand the "why" of it), but it is from the Lord and I need to rest in that. I know that God has a plan, and He knows I am in agreement to it, whatever it may be. And He's even been gracious enough to give me little glimpses into the future. But no matter where He takes me, I know that I will be happy. I know that I will be cared for. And I know that I have His Love. And I look forward to serving Him, and one day standing before Him and meeting Him face to face. But for now, I am living every day as His servant. And I'm loving every step of the journey. :)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
To be honest...
It's almost midnight. I have been sitting at this computer for almost 3 hours, trying desperately to write a post about vaccines. I have struggled with it since my last post.
One week ago, I took my oldest in for a well-check. After promising her all day that she had no reason to fear the needle because she was done with her shots, we were informed that she needed the Hepatitis A booster. I gave the okay and bought her McDonald's after so she wouldn't hate me.
I also discussed with the pediatrician my fears about vaccines and my struggle with the decision to vaccinate Lexi. Although she was incredibly patient, she was very much for vaccinations and clearly frustrated with parents who are uneducated but opinionated. I was not opinionated. Nor uneducated. But there seem to be many parents who are jumping on the "anti-vaccine" bandwagon without really knowing why, and they are giving us genuinely concerned parents a bad name.
In the end, Lexi recieved 3 shots. MMR, and two that I cannot remember because it is midnight and my brain is exhausted. The pediatrician suggested 6 different vaccines she was due for, but I was struggling with the 3 (at one time) and put my foot down.
I do not know what the best answer is. If Lex was my first child, I probably would not vaccinate her or any subsequent children. I am uncomfortable with what I am finding. But I also struggle with putting her at risk for now-preventable diseases that her siblings are vaccinated against.
As for the rumors, they seem to hold some weight. There are cells from aborted children used in manufacturing several of the vaccines, MMR being the worst offender (I did not realize this last Friday). The abortions were done in the 60's and as far as I have discovered, they are still using cells from the same babies. Although the cells are not in the actual vaccine, they do require the fetal tissue to grow the viruses. Please forgive me, but I do not know where I stand on this. If aborted fetal tissue were continually needed for vaccines (therefor continually funding the abortion industry) I can tell you that I would be 100% against it. But 40+ years ago? Which now protects millions of children from vaccine-preventable diseases? I do not know if I find it morally wrong. I just don't know.
As for the "autism/ADHD" scare, looking back I think I let the pediatrician change my mind and I really regret that now. MMR is a scary vaccine. I wish I had said no.
I cannot give you my opinion right now. There's too much out there. When I started this post tonight, I was for them, with caution. But as I looked back over my research, I remembered my reservations. To read about the aborted fetal tissue, you can simply Google "fetal tissue vaccines."
I do not believe the truth can honestly be sought. The drug companies have mucho $$ and they make lots of it off of vaccines. I am not against our goverment, but I do not believe that decisions are made with our best interest in mind. I believe mistakes are covered up, especially when money (and lots of it) comes into play. Even if vaccines DO cause autism, I do not believe that a simple stay-at-home mom could prove it. Especially off the internet. :-/
So I close with this...do not cast me off. There is much truth, and I seek to find it. But I started with the wrong topic. :-( I do not know where I stand on this issue, and may not for a while. But food? Aluminum? Diabetes and heart disease? These are topics with which I have much to say. :) Also, I cannot simply limit my blog to my "research papers." I'm really not that opinionated of a girl. I'm more along the lines of "curious" and "cautious." And I have a growing fascination with finding out who I am and where I stand. I was once a simple wife and mother, without her own mind. Now I am a soon-to-be divorced mother of four, just trying to find her place in this world. Come with me if you want. :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I have so much in my brain that I want to share with all of you!! I "attended" a webinar on vaccinations, breastfeeding, and autism on Monday evening. It was full of an incredible amount of information on vaccines (what's in them, how it affects our children, and how to counteract the damage that may have already been done), nutrition + the importance of breastfeeding, and also a little snippet on the benefit of chiropractics and whole-body wellness.
Now I, for one, have a hard time accepting opinions as "facts." For example, I have been told by many friends that vaccines are "bad" for our children. "Okay," I would reply. "How are they bad?"
"Well, they're full of all kinds of dangerous things."
"Yes, I've heard that. But what kinds of things? Where did you get your information?"
And THAT is typically where the conversation would end. The decision to vaccinate, or not vaccinate, is a very important one. It needs to be well thought out, prayed over, and well-researched. There are two sides to the debate, and both have very strong arguments. I want to bring you the facts, along with where to read it for yourself. And not just about vaccines (although vaccines are a HUGE topic). I have been researching (for my own first-hand knowledge) a broad array of topics. Everything from vaccines, nutrition, and whole-body wellness to the Bible and what the Lord has really spoken to us (I believe the Bible is the God-breathed, Holy Word of God, and that many Christians have allowed others to tell them what is in it instead of daily studying it for themselves).
I grew up eating fast food (sometimes 3 times in one day), my older 3 children have all their shots, and I have always been a trusting, "take everyone at their word" kind of gal. But lately, I have been growing more and more skeptical to our American way of life. Why are we so tired? So fat? Full of so much disease? Aren't we one of the richest, most advanced societies in the world? Why haven't we FIXED anything yet?? Why are cancer and autism rates rising, rather than falling?!? I want answers, and I want facts. Not theories and opinions. And what I have found so far has appalled me. I cannot keep it all to myself. I said a few days ago, I feel the Holy Spirit leading me to share it with you. I fully intend to do this. But please be patient at first, as there is a LOT of ground to cover, and I want it factual, which means time to do research and post links (which also means I need to learn to post links!!). And I will do my best to get the info from the webinar up within the next couple of days.
Until then, stay in prayer and have a blessed day!! :^)
Now I, for one, have a hard time accepting opinions as "facts." For example, I have been told by many friends that vaccines are "bad" for our children. "Okay," I would reply. "How are they bad?"
"Well, they're full of all kinds of dangerous things."
"Yes, I've heard that. But what kinds of things? Where did you get your information?"
And THAT is typically where the conversation would end. The decision to vaccinate, or not vaccinate, is a very important one. It needs to be well thought out, prayed over, and well-researched. There are two sides to the debate, and both have very strong arguments. I want to bring you the facts, along with where to read it for yourself. And not just about vaccines (although vaccines are a HUGE topic). I have been researching (for my own first-hand knowledge) a broad array of topics. Everything from vaccines, nutrition, and whole-body wellness to the Bible and what the Lord has really spoken to us (I believe the Bible is the God-breathed, Holy Word of God, and that many Christians have allowed others to tell them what is in it instead of daily studying it for themselves).
I grew up eating fast food (sometimes 3 times in one day), my older 3 children have all their shots, and I have always been a trusting, "take everyone at their word" kind of gal. But lately, I have been growing more and more skeptical to our American way of life. Why are we so tired? So fat? Full of so much disease? Aren't we one of the richest, most advanced societies in the world? Why haven't we FIXED anything yet?? Why are cancer and autism rates rising, rather than falling?!? I want answers, and I want facts. Not theories and opinions. And what I have found so far has appalled me. I cannot keep it all to myself. I said a few days ago, I feel the Holy Spirit leading me to share it with you. I fully intend to do this. But please be patient at first, as there is a LOT of ground to cover, and I want it factual, which means time to do research and post links (which also means I need to learn to post links!!). And I will do my best to get the info from the webinar up within the next couple of days.
Until then, stay in prayer and have a blessed day!! :^)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I feel that I need to add some pictures. No reason. Except that I think my kids are pretty darn cute and I like blogs with pictures. :)
So before i retire to bed at midnight (again), here are my cuties..
This is Aimee. She's 8, and quite sassy. But every pretty girl needs some sass. :)
This is Andrew, my only boy. He's almost 5 and loves anything with wheels and a motor. :)
Meet Amerie. She was having a problem with static when this was taken. I think it gives the picture a little interest. :) She's 3, and argueably the most tender, loving child on the planet.
And my Lexi. She's almost 16 months. My husband was done after 2 kids, I "oopsed" a 3rd, and somehow managed to talk him into a 4th. My heart wants 12 kids, but alas, this is most likely my "baby." I don't think I need to explain how I feel about her. :)
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So before i retire to bed at midnight (again), here are my cuties..
This is Aimee. She's 8, and quite sassy. But every pretty girl needs some sass. :)
This is Andrew, my only boy. He's almost 5 and loves anything with wheels and a motor. :)
Meet Amerie. She was having a problem with static when this was taken. I think it gives the picture a little interest. :) She's 3, and argueably the most tender, loving child on the planet.
And my Lexi. She's almost 16 months. My husband was done after 2 kids, I "oopsed" a 3rd, and somehow managed to talk him into a 4th. My heart wants 12 kids, but alas, this is most likely my "baby." I don't think I need to explain how I feel about her. :)
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Update, if anyone actually makes they're way here. :)
I know it seems like I am so terrible at blogging that i should just quit while I am ahead, but that is far from the truth. I feel like the Holy Spirit is leading me, and i have been seeking His guidance to where that may be. I am obsessed with nutrition, living chemical free, and learning to be as careful with my money as possible. I am also a student by nature, so i read everything i can about the things that interest me. As a result, I am full of useful (and not so useful!) knowledge, and i feel like the Lord is prompting me to share it with those around me. But, I am also a planner and i am having a TERRIBLE time not having an exact plan and idea as to how to do it. So after much thinking, praying, thinking some more, discussing it with my "team," thinking, sleeping on it, praying, and thinking again (did i mention I am a planner?) i have decided that i just need to blog, and God is more than capable of taking it from there. :) And since i am so bad at blogging, my first goal is just to BLOG. About anything. So be prepared to hear about my cute kids and all the things they do. And maybe my deepest, darkest secrets. :D
I also want to mention (actually, confess) that I have fallen off the food wagon. I had a bit 'o pop this weekend. And frozen pizza. And only gum in between. No breakfast, no lunch. Do I even need to add that I've been crabby?? And I worry so much over my kids. I should add, however, that although I am terrible about eating, I do pretty well with my kids. They get 3 square meals, plus snacks. But I "forget" to eat, too. And when i whip out junk food, it's after they are in bed.
My brain is telling me to hit the "backspace" button. Who cares what Liz eats? I'm also a little embarrassed about how bad I am. But maybe someone will read this one day, and for that person I want to say that any American junk food junkie, lazy-boned, wannabe Country Girl/Hippie/Foodie can change. Because I am going to, and I will blog while doing it. Even if I'm terrible at blogging. Because I need to. And God says so. :)
I also want to mention (actually, confess) that I have fallen off the food wagon. I had a bit 'o pop this weekend. And frozen pizza. And only gum in between. No breakfast, no lunch. Do I even need to add that I've been crabby?? And I worry so much over my kids. I should add, however, that although I am terrible about eating, I do pretty well with my kids. They get 3 square meals, plus snacks. But I "forget" to eat, too. And when i whip out junk food, it's after they are in bed.
My brain is telling me to hit the "backspace" button. Who cares what Liz eats? I'm also a little embarrassed about how bad I am. But maybe someone will read this one day, and for that person I want to say that any American junk food junkie, lazy-boned, wannabe Country Girl/Hippie/Foodie can change. Because I am going to, and I will blog while doing it. Even if I'm terrible at blogging. Because I need to. And God says so. :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
So, um, like I said...I am terrible at blogging.
I'm going to be honest...things are a little rough for me right now. Today is 6 months since my husband and I seperated. I have so many emotions running through me. I can't remember the last good night's sleep I had. I've almost completely stopped caring what I look like, what i eat, or even what I feel like anymore. I'm so drained. I try to be so strong for my kids, but I think my 8 year old knows the truth. She had a field trip this week to a candy factory, and instead of spending all of her few dollars on candy, she bought me a rose. She said it was because she knew I am sad, and because I didn't have a Valentine's Day or get flowers. I am amazed at how special God made each of my children.
I think I am coming across as a depressed wreck of a woman. I am not. My faith in the Lord has grown so much during all of this, and I KNOW that it's all in His hands. I love my husband more than anything and i wish we could make our marriage work, but I am accepting that it's probably not going to happen. At least not now. He has no interest at all in remaining married, and only gets angry with me when i bring it up. So I'm picking myself up by my shoestrings. Maybe one day the Lord will lead us back together, maybe we will end up a part of the sad statistics. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm so tired of stressing over it and missing out on my life because it's headed in a direction I don't want. God has it all in His hands, even when times are tough, right??
I'm going to end with a couple of verses that have really spoken to me in the past year. Maybe they'll be a comfort to someone else, too.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
I'm going to be honest...things are a little rough for me right now. Today is 6 months since my husband and I seperated. I have so many emotions running through me. I can't remember the last good night's sleep I had. I've almost completely stopped caring what I look like, what i eat, or even what I feel like anymore. I'm so drained. I try to be so strong for my kids, but I think my 8 year old knows the truth. She had a field trip this week to a candy factory, and instead of spending all of her few dollars on candy, she bought me a rose. She said it was because she knew I am sad, and because I didn't have a Valentine's Day or get flowers. I am amazed at how special God made each of my children.
I think I am coming across as a depressed wreck of a woman. I am not. My faith in the Lord has grown so much during all of this, and I KNOW that it's all in His hands. I love my husband more than anything and i wish we could make our marriage work, but I am accepting that it's probably not going to happen. At least not now. He has no interest at all in remaining married, and only gets angry with me when i bring it up. So I'm picking myself up by my shoestrings. Maybe one day the Lord will lead us back together, maybe we will end up a part of the sad statistics. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm so tired of stressing over it and missing out on my life because it's headed in a direction I don't want. God has it all in His hands, even when times are tough, right??
I'm going to end with a couple of verses that have really spoken to me in the past year. Maybe they'll be a comfort to someone else, too.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Saturday
So, it's the weekend and almost a full week since I decided to swear off processed foods. It's going much better than i thought it would be. Thursday I was able to get to the fruit market and grocery store, and since then I have been making all our meals from scratch and the kids have been LOVING all the fruits and veges I let them have in between meals. I thought there would be an outcry for crackers, etc., but thankfully I haven't heard a single child ask for some (although they did find a stray pack of crackers the other day. Maybe it was enough to feed their cravings??).
Yesterday was my first big meal, and i made a fall-back dinner. Pot roast. I can make a pot roast in my sleep. I want to try soaking the roast in buttermilk for 48 hours before i cook it, but I had forgetten this step until i was assembling my ingredients yesterday. The buttermilk is supposed to help pre-digest the meat and break it down, thereby making it easier to digest. It sounds like it would add some good flavor, too.
Amerie is not a big roast eater, but she loves the potatoes and carrots. I need to figure out how to get her to eat red meat. She loves chicken, though. She'll eat it all day long, seasoned or not.
Today, Phil is taking the kids overnight, so I will not have them for dinner. We'll be eating lunch in a few minutes, and I ave made Potato Leek soup (my own recipe). The first time i made this soup, i thought for sure the kids would turn their noses up, but they each had at least two bowls of it! Apparently Potato Leek soup is supposed to be pureed and chilled, but I serve it warm and only "mashed." And so, my kids think it's "Mashed Potato Soup." The consistency is thinner than mashed potatoes (it is a soup, after all), but it's incredibly yummy!
Here's the recipe...
Mashed Potato Soup
4 leeks, peeled, cleaned, and finely chopped
3 tbsp butter
3 tbsp olive oil
4 potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1-inch cubes
2 quarts chicken stock (homemade is best)
several sprigs of thyme, tied together
sea salt and freshly ground pepper
Saute the leeks in the butter and olive oil over medium-low heat until soft, about 20 minutes. Meanwhile, peel and chop your potatoes. When leeks are soft, add potatoes and the chicken stock and bring to a boil. A bit of foam will rise to the top (I am told this is the "impurities"), skim this off with a spoon. Add thyme, salt and pepper. Lower heat to just above a simmer and let the potatoes cook for about an hour. After the hour, mash the potatoes with a potatoe masher. The soup is now done, but i like to keep it simmering until it has a thicker consistency.
Spoon into bowls and let cool a bit. Enjoy!!!
I will try posting pictures soon, but I have to figure out how. :)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Today...
I am very sleepy. I posted last night's blog at midnight and then didn't crawl into bed until 1:00 am. I have definitely learned that the amount of sleep I get affects my entire day, and snowballs into affecting the type of day my kids have. I also have a harder time making good decisions and thinking clearly when my brain is foggy.
I'm taking a class at my church that my mom is teaching. I helped her pick the workbook, and the one we chose is incredible (which is why we chose it!!). It's called "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George. In just a couple of weeks, I have noticed such growth in my relationship with the Lord. One thing that Elizabeth George recommends is to get up before your family and spend some time in prayer. This was very hard to do, and I've only done it a couple of times. But on the days I got up and spent some time in God's presence before proceeding with my day, I had such a blessed day! Nothing much was different, but I felt His presence with me throughout the entire day and as a result felt more able to conquer "life." Today, I got up with my kids and can't find the motivation to get anything done. I'm so very, very sleepy.
So...I could stay up late, and wander through my days. Or I could find some self-discipline and crawl into bed at a reasonable hour, so that I may rise early and spend quality time in His Presence before I live the life He's given me. Which one should I choose???
I have a preschooler I need to get from school soon, so, alas, i must be going. But I want to end with a scripture I came across recently. One thing I have been asking the Lord for repeatedly is self-discipline. I feel I have very little, and that if He would give me some, then maybe i would have a much easier time being the woman He's called me to be.
II Timothy 1:7 says, "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline"
So there it is! I already have it!! That one verse really opened my eyes. I've merely been making excuses for myself. And if He's given me a spirit of power, of love, AND self-discipline, what can i not accomplish, with His blessing? I can't wait to find out. :)
I'm taking a class at my church that my mom is teaching. I helped her pick the workbook, and the one we chose is incredible (which is why we chose it!!). It's called "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George. In just a couple of weeks, I have noticed such growth in my relationship with the Lord. One thing that Elizabeth George recommends is to get up before your family and spend some time in prayer. This was very hard to do, and I've only done it a couple of times. But on the days I got up and spent some time in God's presence before proceeding with my day, I had such a blessed day! Nothing much was different, but I felt His presence with me throughout the entire day and as a result felt more able to conquer "life." Today, I got up with my kids and can't find the motivation to get anything done. I'm so very, very sleepy.
So...I could stay up late, and wander through my days. Or I could find some self-discipline and crawl into bed at a reasonable hour, so that I may rise early and spend quality time in His Presence before I live the life He's given me. Which one should I choose???
I have a preschooler I need to get from school soon, so, alas, i must be going. But I want to end with a scripture I came across recently. One thing I have been asking the Lord for repeatedly is self-discipline. I feel I have very little, and that if He would give me some, then maybe i would have a much easier time being the woman He's called me to be.
II Timothy 1:7 says, "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline"
So there it is! I already have it!! That one verse really opened my eyes. I've merely been making excuses for myself. And if He's given me a spirit of power, of love, AND self-discipline, what can i not accomplish, with His blessing? I can't wait to find out. :)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Wow! Already?
So it has been just two full days since I "made the switch." I have to be honest and say that i didn't go cold turkey. I have such a hard time with the idea of all that food going to waste, but I know it's so bad for us. I am struggling with this. But this morning we woke up a little late and instead of making a healthy breakfast, like eggs, toast, and yoghurt, I gave the kids cereal. :/ I know that if the junk was gone, replaced by healthier, more natural foods, we would be making wiser choices. So I planned some meals for the next week and I will be hitting the grocery store and fruit market.
As to the kids behavior...I am already seeing a change!! I am not naive enough to think that it's going to be this easy. They're certainly not going to turn into little angels simply because I feed them nourishing food (wouldn't it be nice, though??). But I had such a good day with my babies today. :) Especially with my son. He is active by nature, downright hyper on sugar, and sometimes unbearably crabby when he's hungry. He was wonderful today! I admitted that I fed them regular cereal this morning, but he asked for a bowl of Kashi cereal (the boy loves it). For lunch, I gave them some chicken from a rotisserie chicken we had purchased, youghurt, an apple, and a banana. Tonight, I made lentil soup with sourdough bread (store-bought sourdough, not authentic). Just for some comparison, Saturday they had Lucky Charms for breakfast, snacked on granola bars, ate Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup for lunch, with Chicken 'n a Biscuit crackers, snacked later on poptarts, and had leftover pizza for dinner. Admitting how I fed them on Saturday was very hard for me to do just now. I know better than that. And how shocking it was to me that it took them over an hour to fall asleep Saturday night, even though I was constantly yelling at them. :-( They had fought and whined and yelled and sassed me all day long, by 8:00 I had neeeeded them to fall asleep. Today was SO MUCH BETTER. Andrew listened to me, which in turn made me more patient. He was also so much more affectionate. When I would try to talk to him for fighting with his sister or throwing a tantrum, he actually listened and then wanted to hug and cuddle, instead of trying to run away from me and bouncing around the entire time I was talking. I also found it much easier to talk quietly with them, rather than lose my patience and resort to yelling.
It's so hard for me to explain their positive behavior, since you are unaware of the behaviors i am comparing to. I also know that tomorrow could be just like Saturday, even though I am taking them off of sugar and prepackaged foods. Kids are kids, and every day is a surprise. :) But I will keep updating, along with all of the other changes going on.
And as for me, this is harder than I thought it was going to be, but I am not giving up. When you're a child, you rarely get to choose what you are going to eat. As an adult, it's usually the yummy-but-so-bad-for-you stuff that calls your name, and there's no one there to stop you from eating it. When we were growing up, my mom would by 12-packs of coke and we were allowed ONE can per day. I remember the day when i realized that I could have as many cans as i wanted, since I was an adult and had purchased the pop myself. That one can has gradually turned into as many as 6-7 cans per day on a regular basis. It's so bad, my mom once paid me $100 just to go a whole month without Coke (and, of course, I did it!). I love Coca-Cola. I love anything chocolate and full of calories. I've been known to eat at McDonalds 3 times in one day. This is not an easy change for me. But I want to be an example to my children. I want to teach them how to cook healthy, traditional food. I want them to naturally choose healthy eating when they are grown and making their own choices. And I firmly believe that this is something the Lord has layed on my heart.
With all that said, I must be going. I have grocery shopping to do tomorrow, along with sorting through the cupboards. At the least, I'm hiding the temptations. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I hope so!!
As to the kids behavior...I am already seeing a change!! I am not naive enough to think that it's going to be this easy. They're certainly not going to turn into little angels simply because I feed them nourishing food (wouldn't it be nice, though??). But I had such a good day with my babies today. :) Especially with my son. He is active by nature, downright hyper on sugar, and sometimes unbearably crabby when he's hungry. He was wonderful today! I admitted that I fed them regular cereal this morning, but he asked for a bowl of Kashi cereal (the boy loves it). For lunch, I gave them some chicken from a rotisserie chicken we had purchased, youghurt, an apple, and a banana. Tonight, I made lentil soup with sourdough bread (store-bought sourdough, not authentic). Just for some comparison, Saturday they had Lucky Charms for breakfast, snacked on granola bars, ate Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup for lunch, with Chicken 'n a Biscuit crackers, snacked later on poptarts, and had leftover pizza for dinner. Admitting how I fed them on Saturday was very hard for me to do just now. I know better than that. And how shocking it was to me that it took them over an hour to fall asleep Saturday night, even though I was constantly yelling at them. :-( They had fought and whined and yelled and sassed me all day long, by 8:00 I had neeeeded them to fall asleep. Today was SO MUCH BETTER. Andrew listened to me, which in turn made me more patient. He was also so much more affectionate. When I would try to talk to him for fighting with his sister or throwing a tantrum, he actually listened and then wanted to hug and cuddle, instead of trying to run away from me and bouncing around the entire time I was talking. I also found it much easier to talk quietly with them, rather than lose my patience and resort to yelling.
It's so hard for me to explain their positive behavior, since you are unaware of the behaviors i am comparing to. I also know that tomorrow could be just like Saturday, even though I am taking them off of sugar and prepackaged foods. Kids are kids, and every day is a surprise. :) But I will keep updating, along with all of the other changes going on.
And as for me, this is harder than I thought it was going to be, but I am not giving up. When you're a child, you rarely get to choose what you are going to eat. As an adult, it's usually the yummy-but-so-bad-for-you stuff that calls your name, and there's no one there to stop you from eating it. When we were growing up, my mom would by 12-packs of coke and we were allowed ONE can per day. I remember the day when i realized that I could have as many cans as i wanted, since I was an adult and had purchased the pop myself. That one can has gradually turned into as many as 6-7 cans per day on a regular basis. It's so bad, my mom once paid me $100 just to go a whole month without Coke (and, of course, I did it!). I love Coca-Cola. I love anything chocolate and full of calories. I've been known to eat at McDonalds 3 times in one day. This is not an easy change for me. But I want to be an example to my children. I want to teach them how to cook healthy, traditional food. I want them to naturally choose healthy eating when they are grown and making their own choices. And I firmly believe that this is something the Lord has layed on my heart.
With all that said, I must be going. I have grocery shopping to do tomorrow, along with sorting through the cupboards. At the least, I'm hiding the temptations. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I hope so!!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
New Year, New Start (even if it's a little late...)
So...I'm not very good at blogging. :-/ But I'm going to really, really, REALLY try to be better. :-)
There are so many changes going on in our lives right now. Some I'm making, some the Lord is making, and some are simply changes that happen over time.
One change that I am implementing is the way the kids and I eat. We've really fallen off the wagon, healthwise, and I think my kids crazy, moody behavior lately is a result. As much as I hate typical American fare, I have to admit that our cupboards are currently stocked with sugary breakfast cereals, poptarts, microwave popcorn, every type of cracker you can imagine, and dozens of jars of store-bought baby food. Why? Laziness. Plain and simple. It's so much easier to grab a poptart or pour a bowl of cold cereal when my kids are hungry than plan ahead and make everything from scratch. And the result? Whiny, crabby kids that have pale skin and dark circles. Your typical American child.
I highly recommend the book "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. It's based on the research of Dr. Weston Price, who traveled the world and studied the health, longevity, reproduction rates, illness, etc. of many civilizations who were untouched by modern society, and consumed, almost excusively, local foods. The facts he discovered are unbelievable! Fourteen groups in particular were found to be entirely free from dental problems, disease, and mental illnesses. Theses fourteen groups were from all over the world, and each had different diets. But one thing they each had in common...they consumed whole-dairy, saturated fats, meats, fruits and veges, nuts, seeds, and whole-grains. Their food was completely untouched by processing, much of it was eaten raw. The adults were strong and healthy, the children sturdy and vibrant. Women had healthy, stable pregnancies.
We're supposed to be an advanced, intelligent society and yet we spend billions every year on finding the cure for cancers, diabetes, heart disease. On medical bills due to illness; some mild, some severe. We're always tired, always aching. We can't sleep, or we need to sleep too much. We're depressed. And yet these "primitive" cultures, far less advanced than us, have stronger, sturdier, healthier bodies. Their children are rosy cheeked and full of life. Women have many children, healthy children that are the result of a healthy pregnancy. If we would stop turning away from an uncomfortable truth, we could see how confused America is about food.
Ameicans want it easy. Pop-tarts are easy. Americans want to pretend that things just happen, and there is nothing they could have done to prevent it. Heart disease, obesity, and cancer don't "happen" as often as we suffer from it. These cultures don't even suffer from cavities!!! I hardly know an adult who is blessed with a mouth free of fillings.
I am going to be honest. Changing to traditional foods is hard work. I am taking on the responsiblity of making almost everything we eat from scratch, and having to plan all our meals in advance. I have four young children. I am TIRED. I'm certainly not relishing the thought of more to do. I'm also broke. Really, really broke (hello...single mother of four, thank you). But my children are worth it. They are everything to me, and if I can maybe (just maybe) prevent Andrew from developing the heart disease that claims every male member of his father's family, or Amerie from the diagnosis of breast cancer, Aimee from diabetes, or Lexi from depression and fatigue, I am going to give it everything I have. Which means making the food we eat a top priority in my life. And my children will slowly grow healthier and stronger, eventually becoming healthy, robust adults. When the day comes that I can look into the faces of my four adult children, I will smile and be proud, knowing that I made a decision in the start of their lives that had an impact on the way they live those lives to the very end.
There are so many changes going on in our lives right now. Some I'm making, some the Lord is making, and some are simply changes that happen over time.
One change that I am implementing is the way the kids and I eat. We've really fallen off the wagon, healthwise, and I think my kids crazy, moody behavior lately is a result. As much as I hate typical American fare, I have to admit that our cupboards are currently stocked with sugary breakfast cereals, poptarts, microwave popcorn, every type of cracker you can imagine, and dozens of jars of store-bought baby food. Why? Laziness. Plain and simple. It's so much easier to grab a poptart or pour a bowl of cold cereal when my kids are hungry than plan ahead and make everything from scratch. And the result? Whiny, crabby kids that have pale skin and dark circles. Your typical American child.
I highly recommend the book "Nourishing Traditions" by Sally Fallon. It's based on the research of Dr. Weston Price, who traveled the world and studied the health, longevity, reproduction rates, illness, etc. of many civilizations who were untouched by modern society, and consumed, almost excusively, local foods. The facts he discovered are unbelievable! Fourteen groups in particular were found to be entirely free from dental problems, disease, and mental illnesses. Theses fourteen groups were from all over the world, and each had different diets. But one thing they each had in common...they consumed whole-dairy, saturated fats, meats, fruits and veges, nuts, seeds, and whole-grains. Their food was completely untouched by processing, much of it was eaten raw. The adults were strong and healthy, the children sturdy and vibrant. Women had healthy, stable pregnancies.
We're supposed to be an advanced, intelligent society and yet we spend billions every year on finding the cure for cancers, diabetes, heart disease. On medical bills due to illness; some mild, some severe. We're always tired, always aching. We can't sleep, or we need to sleep too much. We're depressed. And yet these "primitive" cultures, far less advanced than us, have stronger, sturdier, healthier bodies. Their children are rosy cheeked and full of life. Women have many children, healthy children that are the result of a healthy pregnancy. If we would stop turning away from an uncomfortable truth, we could see how confused America is about food.
Ameicans want it easy. Pop-tarts are easy. Americans want to pretend that things just happen, and there is nothing they could have done to prevent it. Heart disease, obesity, and cancer don't "happen" as often as we suffer from it. These cultures don't even suffer from cavities!!! I hardly know an adult who is blessed with a mouth free of fillings.
I am going to be honest. Changing to traditional foods is hard work. I am taking on the responsiblity of making almost everything we eat from scratch, and having to plan all our meals in advance. I have four young children. I am TIRED. I'm certainly not relishing the thought of more to do. I'm also broke. Really, really broke (hello...single mother of four, thank you). But my children are worth it. They are everything to me, and if I can maybe (just maybe) prevent Andrew from developing the heart disease that claims every male member of his father's family, or Amerie from the diagnosis of breast cancer, Aimee from diabetes, or Lexi from depression and fatigue, I am going to give it everything I have. Which means making the food we eat a top priority in my life. And my children will slowly grow healthier and stronger, eventually becoming healthy, robust adults. When the day comes that I can look into the faces of my four adult children, I will smile and be proud, knowing that I made a decision in the start of their lives that had an impact on the way they live those lives to the very end.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Obsessions
So, obviously, I'm new to blogging. I hardly even read blogs (shhh!!!). But I have several recent obsessions, and when I'm obsessed with a new idea, i have to absorb as much info on it as i can. And since i'm sure others might be interested in some of the same things, I figure i'll post it all on here. :)
My new obsessions are simple, really. I want to learn what it really means to be Christ-like. Jesus was considered "radical." He upset the common, "comfortable" religious ideas. He stood apart from those who led the church. He didn't conform. He held fast to God-truths. I think Americans have gotten so far away from God's standards that we don't even know where the lines are anymore. I have much more to say about this, but it is it's own blog. :)
I want nourish my children as much as I can. It started with upping our consumption of fruits and veges, and eliminating a lot of the junk. But as with any obsession, it's grown into something much bigger. Today, I found a cow share for $57 per year, and they deliver the raw milk to you! Whoo-hoo! I may not have my farm, but i can still pour the cream from my milk!!
I also want to garden. Now, this is a hard one for me, considering the fact that i currently reside in someone else's home (which means I have little say over the yard) and I am INCREDIBLY lazy. But the cost comparisan between buying organic, and growing your own produce using organic methods, makes it an obvious choice. I've heard good things about container gardening and I think I might start with that method. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!
Lastly, I want to raise my children to be as Christ-like as they can be. I guess this one goes hand in hand with my first one. Every day I give myself to the Lord and ask Him to change me to be like Him. To think the way He thinks, love the way He loves. Serve as He did. And what He speaks to my heart, I want to pass on to my babies. I still screw up every day, but God is merciful and forgiving. He helps me back up, and we continue on this journey. It's been an amazing and eye-opening experience.
So those are my obsessions in a nutshell! I'll keep you posted on all the craziness that is my life! :)
My new obsessions are simple, really. I want to learn what it really means to be Christ-like. Jesus was considered "radical." He upset the common, "comfortable" religious ideas. He stood apart from those who led the church. He didn't conform. He held fast to God-truths. I think Americans have gotten so far away from God's standards that we don't even know where the lines are anymore. I have much more to say about this, but it is it's own blog. :)
I want nourish my children as much as I can. It started with upping our consumption of fruits and veges, and eliminating a lot of the junk. But as with any obsession, it's grown into something much bigger. Today, I found a cow share for $57 per year, and they deliver the raw milk to you! Whoo-hoo! I may not have my farm, but i can still pour the cream from my milk!!
I also want to garden. Now, this is a hard one for me, considering the fact that i currently reside in someone else's home (which means I have little say over the yard) and I am INCREDIBLY lazy. But the cost comparisan between buying organic, and growing your own produce using organic methods, makes it an obvious choice. I've heard good things about container gardening and I think I might start with that method. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!
Lastly, I want to raise my children to be as Christ-like as they can be. I guess this one goes hand in hand with my first one. Every day I give myself to the Lord and ask Him to change me to be like Him. To think the way He thinks, love the way He loves. Serve as He did. And what He speaks to my heart, I want to pass on to my babies. I still screw up every day, but God is merciful and forgiving. He helps me back up, and we continue on this journey. It's been an amazing and eye-opening experience.
So those are my obsessions in a nutshell! I'll keep you posted on all the craziness that is my life! :)
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