Crazy things that make me happy. :)

I get excited when my kids eat healthy snacks or meals.  Really excited.  Like some women get when they purchase a new pair of shoes.  Add this to the list of things that makes me weird, I guess.

Just now, I pulled out baby red peppers with pine nut and roasted garlic hummus. 

My girls loved them!! 

Andrew's harder to convince, as he tends to take after his picky Papa and Uncle Greg.  It doesn't stop me from trying, though.  :)

My mom and i hit all of our favorite grocery/health food stores this past weekend.  It's become our Saturday routine on the weekends that Phil has the kids.  We try and make it to Eastern Market for eggs, veges, and anything that suits our fancy.  I like Trader Joe's for dairy, nitrate-free bacon, hot dogs, etc and lots of various grocery items.  Natural Food Patch in Ferndale is a must, because they have so much for so cheap.  I get my kombucha there, and I also like their selection of grains.  Their health and beauty section has many of my favorite natural picks, and the selection is the best I've found.  AND I save dollars per item compared to stores like Target.  Anything left on my list, mainly fresh chicken or beef, I get at Randazzo's.  I can't afford fully pastured & grassfed meat, but Randazzo's is the next best thing. 

THIS is what our fridge looks like when we're done.  Our fridge in the basement is half full, too.

We've got lots of eggs, fresh and hard-boiled, Trader Joe's whole-milk french vanilla yogurt (I've convinced my kids it tastes like ice cream), Trader Joe's kefir, lots of fresh vegetables and fruits. cheeses, sprouted-grain english muffins, and leftover chicken from stock I made on Monday.  I'm hoping chicken noodle soup for dinner will help my throat feel better.  I also bought a bag of shredded cabbage I'm planning to use for homemade cole slaw!!  Yummm...

Our pantry is pretty full, too.  Amidst my dad's foods and the various items that get lost in a pantry (my mom has a jar of marshmallow fluff that's been in there since I moved in a year and a half ago.  WHAT is she planning on using that for??)  we have brown rice, quinoa, various grains and beans, sauerkraut, and raw honey.  I love raw honey, so we have several large containers.  I'm trying to convince my dad to put a bee hive in the backyard this year so I can jar my own honey. I don't think he's convinced, yet...

My favorite finds this weekend were multi-colored popcorn and orange ("red") lentils.  :D  It's the little things in life that are the most exciting!!

I'm still addicted to International Delight coffee creamer.  I picked up a few large containers the other day.  I need to give this up, since the sippage of coffee is leading me to skip breakfast and lunch.  :-/  Not good at all, especially when you're in a contest with your mom and sis to lose 15 lbs!!! 

Today is milk pick-up in Royal Oak and a trip to No Pins Required in Ferndale for Rockin' Green laundry detergent.  I've been looking for a truly natural detergent that actually gets our clothes clean, and I found it!!  I originally purchased it for our cloth diapers, which is what it was designed for, but now I use it on everything (as the company suggests).  Since I started using it, I realized that clothes without fabric softener feel stiff because of detergent residue (yuck).  Rockin' Green rinses so clean that my clothes are super soft without the use of any softener or dryer sheet.  :D  Super exciting!!

A few random facts...

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man...I wish people knew that about me??"

My mom jokes about her sense of humor sometimes.  "I don't think they get me yet," she says, laughing.  And the fun of it is that they probably don't get her and that makes the things she says even funnier.  :)

I feel like I'm on some weird quest to relearn who I am.  I thought i knew, but I spent 6 years finding my identity in being "Phil's wife" and that's obviously not who I am anymore.  Now I have to relearn,  and I'm actually enjoying finding out all the little things that make up "Liz" (although it's interesting to do it as a 28/29 year old mother of four). 

As I am learning, there are a few moments I've found myself thinking, "I wish people knew that about me!"  If they knew these things, it would save me the trouble of being misunderstood.  Like my mom, and her occasional jokes that some people don't get.  :) 

So because I have a horrid sore throat/earache and need some time away from anything productive, I'm compiling a list.  I am writing it while I enjoy a mug of coffee and some ibuprofen.  Hopefully when I'm done, I can get on with tackling my day.


My list:


1.  I'm very, VERY laid back.  My favorite phrase is, "Oh, it's really not a big deal!"  This affects our homeschooling, which apparently some people don't get.  I cannot start school at 8:00 am and plow through, uber-focused until 3:00.  I would go absolutely crazy.  Most days we start around 9:30 and work on a subject for an hour.  Then we eat something and start again.  Then we break for lunch.  We pick back up after lunch and finish up our work, taking a break for a snack somewhere in the middle.  Aimee usually picks the subject to work on, so it's in a different order almost every day.  This is why I created our sticker chart.  I need a list of tasks each day or I forget to stick with the well-rounded curriculum.  By Friday, we've hit all the subjects.  For an example of similar homeschooler, click here and read the third paragraph.  :)

2.  Apparently I give "dirty looks" completely without my knowledge.  I have NO IDEA how I do it, or why, and i hate that I do it without knowing because i have zero control over it.  So if you're reading this...mean thoughts are very rarely in my head and if you've been the recipient of a look that was taken in a negative way...I DIDN"T MEAN IT!! 

3.  I'm shy.  Very.  So I'm not ignoring you.  I just wonder if you saw me and if i should say hi at the risk of you not seeing me and me looking like a total idiot while you walk by and I say hi to apparently no one.  This happens quite often in the big corridor at church where the nursery and restrooms are located.  I'd avoid that space, but it kinda connects the two sides of the church.   ;-)

4.  I overthink everything.  And I mean everything.  I drive myself crazy.  And my sister crazy.  And Bethany.  Just ask them.  You could probably throw my mom in there, too, but she overthinks stuff, too, so we "get that' about each other and therefor talk it to death together.  :D  For an example, see #3 above.

5.  I am incredibly forgetful.  If I don't write it down, which many times I forget to do, I will most likely forget to call you.  Or bring something i was supposed to give to you.  Or anything that requires the use of my memory.  The only exception is prayer...I have learned that I need to pray immediately for someone I have said that I will pray for, or I may forget someone when I have focused prayer time.  So if I say, "I'm praying for you!" I am most likely doing it at that moment.  If it's continued prayer, the Lord brings you to mind throughout the day and I pray for you again.

That's it, I think.  My coffee is cold and I need to make lunch.  Phil came to take Aimee to the movies and stayed for an hour to visit.  But it kept me distracted while the ibuprofen took affect, and I came back and finished up my post.  Now on to what will hopefully be a very productive (I'll settle for semi-productive) day...

Thoughts on yesterday's post...

Thank you to everyone who showed me so much support yesterday.  I was really under attack yesterday morning and didn't realize the extent of it until several hours after writing my blog post.  In all honesty, I was under such a cloud of confusion and self-doubt that I wanted to cry.  Run to the doctor.  Give up the things that I was struggling with so much.  Something, anything, to clear up my mind and allow me to think clearly again.  I don't know that I was even capable of simple math at several points during the day.  I prayed, asking the Lord for strength.  And suddenly, as I was driving down Van Dyke, I had such a revelation!! 

Oh my gosh!!" I thought.  "It's Satan.  He is confusing me.  And shame on me for allowing him to have this power over me!!!"  TRUST ME when I tell you that in that instant my confusion and headache vanished.  It was gone.

This made me think of two very important bible verses...

James 4:7
"...Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Ephesians 6:12
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

My self-doubt began when this influentual person suggested I put the kids back in public school.  I was angry at first, and worried they would make things difficult for me.  But then I thought about Aimee and Andrew's struggles, and the steps I mentioned yesterday to work through them.  I decided to form a "plan of action," so to speak, and be firm in my decision to homeschool, regardless of the discouragement I was receiving.  Yesterday morning, I sat down with Aimee's math books and started planning everything out.  That's when the confusion settled over my mind.  I could hardly think straight, which caused me to doubt my ability to make the right decision for her.  Should we go through 3rd grade math again?  Or just review?  If we step back, do I start at the beginning of the year?  Or somewhere in the middle?  Where, then, do I start?

Coupled with the negativity I was receiving, I seriously questioned homeschooling.  I was scared. 

"My kids deserve the best," I thought.  "How can I decide what is best when I'm so tired and unable to think??  Maybe this person is right...I can't do this!!"  I was ready to throw in the towel.

Now that I am aware of the devil's influence over my thinking yesterday, I am even more confident in my decision to homeschool my children.  I still don't think homeschooling is for everyone, but i firmly believe it is what's best for our family.  The Lord has supported me, by providing my favorite curriculum for free.  That was such a fleece for me.  And the fact that Satan was trying so hard to discourage me and leave me in self-doubt tells me I'm doing something he fears. 

Today was a MUCH better day.  I decided the best plan of action for Aimee is to give her each chapter test from the 3rd grade math book.  I review the material with her briefly (it has been a year) and then give her the test.  We will take one test per day.  When the tests start showing her weaknesses, we will begin at that chapter.  We will continue math throught the summer, which i had already decided to do, so she should catch back up in a year or two.  She will be even farther ahead of the game at that point, becuase she will have such a strong grasp on the material.

There is one thing  I want to clarify...I may have worded things in yesterday's post to suggest that i felt responsible for my children's struggles.  This is not the case.  I know that every child struggles at some point, with something.  And the beauty of homeschooling is that you can immediatly recognize where your child's struggles are and offer them the one-on-one help and extra time they need to grasp the new material or concept.  My struggle was that this person I mentioned noticed what they felt was a "lack of teaching" on my part, and without talking with me about it, firmly suggested I step down as the teacher.  The lack of conversation on the subject angered me the most, since they immediatly jumped to conclusions.  So at that point, with them already doubting my ability, I was anxious about stepping back a year, if Aimee needed.  This, as I said, would be throwing myself in the lion's den and receiving a great amount of critism and discouragement, at best.  My personality is that of a peacemaker...I hate conflict.  I was scared.

But today is a much better day.  I am confident in my abilities and the decisions I have made.  Homeschooling is a huge blessing in our lives and the right decision to make, as is taking Aimee a step backwards in math.  Andrew will benefit from daily, constant repetition of the letters and sounds, as have Amerie and Lexi already.  He just might take longer to read than some expect him to take.  And that is okay.  :)

Frustrations

I am growing so frustrated with myself!!  Our homeschooling journey has reached a few challenges, and sometimes I lack the personal confidence to know that I'm handling the problems appropriately.  I KNOW that I'm doing the right thing, but because I am the one making the decision and not asking someone else to make it for me, I question it.  This drives me nuts!!

Andrew is struggling with his letters and reading.  He remembers most of his letters (I think he trips up on G, T, I and D) and he can remember the sounds they make some days, but not necessarily every day.  Whether this is a learning weakness or lack of cooperation I have yet to decipher.  I was talking to his speech pathologist, who has mentioned a few times that phonics will probably need to be delayed with him because of his speech challenges.  She said that he's still struggling in speech with the same concepts he was struggling with last year, and phonics might frustrate him because even if he could remember the letter's sound, he can't necessarily say it correctly. So he chooses not to try, out of frustration with his speech delay.

Aimee is struggling in math, and has been for a while.  We are working on long division, with remainders.  She just can't seem to "get it."  Plus, she can't remember half of her times tables from last year.  So this week we put math on hold, in order to rememorize the multiplication facts.  I also borrowed 3rd grade math from the (wonderful!!) woman who loaned us our curriculum this year.  I have been looking it over like crazy, and there is so much that Aimee needs to work on.  She struggled in math a little last year, and since it appears that 4th grade math is mostly a repeat of 3rd grade, only more in-depth, she needs to go back and fully grasp 3rd grade concepts before she can successfully dive into 4th grade.

My struggle is two-fold.

1.)  I fully believe that taking phonics slow with Andrew is the best thing for him.  He will be 6 in May, so he's technically in kindergarten this year.  But had I enrolled my kids in public school back in August, I would have held him back and sent him to kindergarten next year.  I do think he would have done okay in kindergarten this year, but i think he would have done much better waiting a year.  And Aimee...she made the cut-off for school by 1 day.  She was ready for kindergarten when I sent her, even though she didn't turn 5 until late that Fall.  But looking back, I wish I would have had the patience and maturity to wait and send her when she was 5, going on 6.  Even though she was ready for kindergarten at the time, now that she's a 9 year old 4th grader, she's struggling a little bit more than I'm comfortable with.

Since we homeschool, I'm "keeping" Andrew in kindergarten and Aimee in 4th.  They have friends in these grades at church, and I don't see any reason to "move them back" when it doesn't affect anything.  I will instead be teaching them according to their skill levels and readiness for new concepts.  I think I will be doing lighter workloads in the summer without quitting for 2 1/2 months like a traditional school year does, so in the end they might end up ahead of the game, anyway.  But the little voice in my head, who doubts my ability to make grown-up decisions, is telling me that this is unconventional and "out of the box," so it's therefor a wrong decision.  But I know it's a good decision.  I'm praying this through.

2.)  There are certain influential people in mine and the kids lives who feel that homeschoolers should all be geniuses or at least smarter than their peers.  And since Andrew is struggling with phonics, I must not be a good teacher.  I really do think that this is the main reason i am anxious about my decision I stated above.  If I work with the kids at their own level, which may be below their grade level, I'm the first one to be blamed for their "failure or delay."  It's apparently my own failure as a teacher, and not that the kids have an area in school that they struggle with.  As a result, I have been encouraged to throw them back in public school (which i am 100% against).  So for me to then step out and make the decision to teach them at their own pace,which is unconventional, is like throwing myself into the lion's den and hoping I make it out okay.  Not only am I sticking with my decision to homeschool (which I firmly believe is under the Lord's approval), but I'm doing out of someone elses box.  I'm praying about this also.

In a sort-of related side note...these are the reasons I'm so bad about blogging every day ('cuz I know everyone is on pins and needles waiting for blog posts!!).  There is so much going on in my life each day, things like blogging, reading a book, or even making my bed just have to wait until I get a handle on the rest.

If you're still with me and reading this, thank you for being my friend!!!  Thank you for being supportive and understanding and wonderful and taking the time to read my little vent of frustration!!  I pray the Lord blesses each and every amazing person that He has blessed my life with.  :)  And if you remember my kids and I during your own prayer time, I would very much appreciate prayers on our behalf!!  Thank you in advance.  :)

What's been going on...

I think I can admit that my life overwhelms me.  A lot.  I feel guilty for admitting this, because I have a guilt complex, and I feel like it's just some flaw or weakness I must have that I feel overwhelmed.  But I do.  And I'm admitting it.

With that said, I LOVE my life.  The Lord has so richly blessed me and my children.  How could I not feel blessed?!  I have four absolutely beautiful and precious children.  They fill my life with so much joy, even when they're driving me crazy.  ;-)  I have the privelage of homeschooling them, so even though two of them are school-age, I still spend every day with them.  We're much closer because of it.  And I was the one who got to teach my son to read the word B-A-T yesterday.  :-D

I wish i had a camera to randomly record our days.  These kids are amazing.  Lexi is getting so big, and copying everything that Amerie does or says in her little baby voice.  Amerie is as loving as ever.  She's taken to petting my hair when I tuck her into bed and calling me her "little sleeping beauty."  :)  Andrew is in that phase where he's trying to "become a man," which means I no longer get a kiss or hug every time I ask.  He's "too big."  And Aimee is becoming such a little woman.  I love hearing her mediate when two of her siblings argue.  She sounds so big and mature.  She's figuring out who she is, too, and it's so incredible to watch.  She's definitely most comfortable when she's tomboy/punk rock chick.  She wants to dye her hair black with streaks of bright red.  NOT AT ALL what I would have expected from any of my kids...I'm as conservative as they come.  But I respect individuality.  :)  The hair will have to wait until she's older, though...

Garden season is starting up, too!  There may be snow on the ground, but my dad already has flats of seeds started and I've been brainstorming about container gardens in the backyard.  It's so EXCITING!!!  I'd like to can as much of my own veges in the Fall as possible.

And just this week, my older 3 started Choi Kwang Do.  Phil worked out a deal for the kids to go 3x's a week.  So far, they love it.  I'm a little concerned that 3x's a week is a bit much, so I'm keeping an ear open for signs of this. But Aimee is already focused on earning her first belt.  And my brother, who works for Tiger Claw martial arts equipment, is super excited that the kids are taking Choi Kwang Do and wearing Tiger Claw uniforms!! 

I'll end with a few of my new favorite pics.  My babies crack me up.  Not a day goes by that I don't thank the Lord for each of them.  They're mommy loves them so much!!

This girl is so goofy.  Making us laugh is a frequent goal for her.  She's definitely Wehrman to the core...


This next one is what happens when you tell Amerie to "smile."  I was laughing so hard...

I finally told her to "just look at me."  And I think she's beautiful.  :)  Even if she's "tough."

:-)

Random Pics

Amerie left this on my bed.  It's a Little People Noah's Ark and erasers the kids got in their Valentine Treat bags.  This is what my kids do...line stuff up and arrange it.  Why play with toys when you can organize them??

If you didn't see this one on facebook...she decided pajama pants weren't really her thing.  Aimee's toe socks are much more her style.  ;-)

This I found on my wall when I went to bed the other night.  Aimee is spending the week at Nana's.  She talked to me repeatedly about watering her plants, to the point that she got an, "Aimee...I've been raising four kids for awhile now.  You're all doing fine.  I can handle watering your plants."  I found this above my pillow that evening.  She also called today to make sure I got her note.  :)  As Grammy says, "Different personalities, Mama..."  

Amen.

And finally, as I was walking into the room to type out this blog post...

THIS is how my Bubba was watching TV.  Doesn't look very comfortable to me, but it was suiting him just fine!!

I love my kids!!

Happy Birthday to my Amerie Rose!

Miss Amerie turns four today.

 She's so beautiful and loving and BIG!!  I can't believe it's been four years since our little "whoops" was born.  :)

She loves to color, play dress up, and anything related to Tinkerbell and fairies.  She adores her older brother, but he's a stinker and is usually mean to her.  Even still, she'd give him the world.

I can't count the number of times Andrew wanted a toy, and Amerie freely gave it to him simply because she hates telling that boy "no."

Now that Lexi is getting older, I can see that the two of them are getting closer, too.

It's so cute to listen to their little conversations.  And as Amerie adores Andrew, Lexi adores her big sister. 

As for Aimee and the adoration of younger siblings...

She's 3 1/2 years older than Andrew, 5 years older than Amerie, and 7 years older than Alexis.  She's adored for her maturity (after all, in their eyes she's almost a grown-up!), but it's sometimes hard for them to play together.  So the adoration is a little different.

But back to Amerie...

I LOVE this picture of her.  It's so much who she is.  For those who know the Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy, Phlegmatic personalities...Amerie is a Choleric Sanguine.  Or Sanguine Choleric.  I'm not sure yet. 

She says the craziest things (anyone see my facebook post about her eating a penny?  That she didn't even eat?).  I know that 9 nights out of 10, she'll end up in my bed by morning and wake me with hugs.  But not kisses.  For some reason, she hates kisses and only hands them out at her discretion.

I love her so much.  She has so much personality and sweetness, all wrapped in a beautiful little platinum blonde.  :) 



Happy Birthday, baby girl!!!

Sleeping Babies.

I love taking pictures of my kids when they're sleeping.  My mom has always said that kids "redeem themselves" during the angelicness of their slumber.  I agree.

I recently found some pics of my kids sleeping in one of my photo albums.  I decided to share them.  What kind of a mom would I be if I withheld all of their preciousness for myself??

Now excuse me while I go give them all kisses...

 

 

 

 

 

At the risk of a transparent heart...

I just had the hardest weekend that I have had in a long time.  I was an emotional wreck through most of it, even though I prayed my little heart out.  I can't imagine what people were thinking in church this morning.  In retrospect, I probably should have stayed home.

I apologize in advance for the lack of specific details, but I want to share my struggle and something that the Lord is teaching me.

I have been deeply hurt and betrayed recently by someone claiming to live for the Lord and His ways only.  This person professes a passion for Christ and holds themself above many other Christians for their "devotion and faith" in Him.

I can't help but wonder if that's true.  Are they more pleasing to Him and far above the rest of us?

This person betrayed me.  Hurt me deeply (and then blamed me for their actions).  Which not only hurts me more, but confuses me.  If they're following the Lord and believe to be acting only in ways that please Him, why was I betrayed?  And when I clung to Him and sought Him in my pain, what was He seeing?  I believe that I am pleasing to the Lord, but this person feels their heart serves the Lord better than others.  And that I am really the one at fault.  So what does He think when He looks down at us? 

Tonight, as I have many times, I prayed, "Lord...do I get your favor?  I was obedient.  My heart longs only for You.  YOU know that Lord, and it pleases me to know that You already know my faithfulness and devotion.  So because I was , can I be the one to get your favor?  Because it's not fair that they hurt me and are living happy and guilt-free, while I'm left here with my wound.  I was obedient, God.  This isn't fair.  Please don't give them Your favor over me.  I was the good one"

That's not how the prayer sounded in my head.  It was actually quite a confused prayer, because I didn't know how to pray what my heart was feeling.  And I didn't want a wrong attitude in my praying (sometimes that's HARD).  But I was terrified that this person would have His favor and a life of joy and happiness, while I would be given nothing.

It may sound strange.  Maybe this is something you've never struggled with.  But I have been.  It consumes me at times.  I've been so caught up in what's "fair" and "unfair," and how I've been hurt.  I didn't want Him to hand this person more blessings and joy than me, when I felt that I was unjustly wronged.

What He responded with, which is the point of my blog post, is this...

If your heart is obedient to Him, you will find His favor.

If you are disobedient, you will lose it.

Plain and simple.  He knows your heart.  He knows your motives, your thoughts, your feelings.  He knows these even better than you do.  If you're heart pleases Him, He wants to bless you and take care of you.  If your heart is selfish, you grieve Him.


So yes, I have His favor and He will bless me.  And this other person?  I don't have to worry about it anymore.  Because He sees their heart, and He is just and fair.  If they really are seeking Him and pleasing Him, they will be blessed and find His favor.  If they are living for self, they won't be.  It doesn't matter that they sinned against me, because I sin, too.  We all do. And it doesn't matter that they claim to have a heart that pleases Him more than others.  Because He sees the truth, and He will act accordingly.  I can let it go.

All I need to worry about is my own heart.  And He knows it's in love with Him.  :)

A little surprise...

So...I was climbing into bed last night, after a long day.  I was tired, and ready to settle into my soft, comfy bed.  I threw back my comforter and found THIS waiting for me...

Now, I know it's plastic.  My son earned it from his speech pathologist for being such a hard working student.  But in that split second after I threw back my covers, I almost woke the entire household with my screaming.

My son, a Wehrman to the core, would have laughed hysterically had he known he "got me."  Playing pranks on mom seems to be his pursuit in life lately.

I firmly believe there is a reason the Lord blessed me with 3 girls and only 1 boy.    :)

Rough Day

I've been having a tough couple of days.  I guess it's all part of the process.  I pray that the Lord will use this heartache for His glory, but gosh does it hurt to endure it.

Sometimes I wish I could go into detail on this blog.  I want to show what the Lord is doing within me, and every bit of good and glory that is coming through Him.  I posted several days ago that i am retreating within, and in many ways I am.  But I know that there are SO MANY who have gone through heartache (or are going through it now).  And I know it's nice to know you're not alone.

Partly, I'm struggling with what I want versus letting God have control over everything.  Maybe in the end, He'll bring me what I wanted after all.  But to completely release things that I want so much...it's so hard.  And to keep myself in a place where I release any part of me that wants to be angry or bitter or resentful...


It's sometimes an hourly struggle.

I prayed so much today.  I read the scriptures.  I tried not to snap at my children when I was in the midst of my pain.  I let them have a "snow day" and figured we'd catch up on the schoolwork later.  For the most part, I think they just thought mommy was "quiet" today.

I say all that to say...rough days are okay.  If I've learned anything so far, it's that every day is new.  Just because today was hard, does not mean that tomorrow will be.  I spent the first few minutes of my day having a heart to heart with Him.  Tomorrow I will do the same.  Today I struggled.  But He was there to see me through it.  Tomorrow I may wake up in "quiet peace" and spend the day thanking Him and praising Him for being faithful. 

We serve an awesome God.  I have said that so many times, but I believe it with every fiber of my being.  He is everything to me and I do not know how I could make it through my life without Him.  When I cry, He holds my tears.   When I wipe my tears away and say, "Okay, I'm ready again," He takes me by the hand and we keep walking.  And He's oh so patient in the meantime.

There's a song by Kari Jobe called "The More I Seek You."  Whenever I fall at His feet again (and I have many times), this song starts playing in my head.  The words could have been written by my own heart...

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

There's no better place to retreat to than at His feet.  And every time i find myself there, I fall more and more in love with Him.  And then everything in my life doesn't seem so big anymore, in the light of His glory.  I can endure it.  I can move past it.  I can rest in His peace and trust in His future.

My favorite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11-13:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I'm trusting in His plans.  My plans may seem good, but His are for sure better.  And just because this moment is hard doesn't mean the rest of my life will be.  I am learning to be patient and wait on Him.  In the meantime, I am learning to let Him be everything to me.  :)

We serve an awesome God. 

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You w/lyrics

In honor of the Love month...

There's a really popular book called The Five Love Languages that I highly recommend.  Apparently, each of us have different ways that we express and feel loved.  By learning the five different love languages, and pinpointing the ones that your loved ones need, you will be much more effective at expressing your love to your spouse, children, family, and friends.

The five languages are:

1.  Words of Affirmation ("I love you"  "You are wonderful"  "I am so proud of you")

2.  Acts of Service (the act of doing something for someone else, simply because you love them)

3.  Quality Time (spending "quality time" together, not just "time")

4.  Gifts (those that express this language put a lot of thought into a gift, and hold a lot of sentiment in gifts they receive)

5.  Physical Touch (hugs, a kiss, a back scratch, or hand-holding)

(These are described as best as I can.  For further understanding, I highly recommend the book!)

Naturally, we tend to express our love in the way that we speak it, but it may not be the way that someone else needs it.  For example, one of my love languages is "words of affirmation."  I tell my kids all day long how much I love them, how incredible I think they are, and how important they are to me.  Amerie, who also shares this love language, breaks out in a smile and smothers me in hugs and kisses whenever I tell her these things.  Andrew, on the other hand, is NOT "words of affirmation."  They tend to make him uncomfortable, and he rolls his eyes and won't look at me until I'm done, even though all I've said is, "I think you are incredible and I love you so much!!"  (sidenote...praying for my kids does not seem to fall under this category.  If I say, "Lord...I pray that Andrew knows how much mommy and daddy love Him, and how much You love him, and how special we think he is" he feels loved just like Amerie would).

I've been focusing on each of my kids lately and trying to pinpoint each of their love languages.  I want them to grow up feeling the love that I feel for them, even if I have to express it in ways that do not come naturally to me.  This has been a challenge at times, but very, very rewarding.  Seeing the different combinations is interesting, also.

Example...

My love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts.  I love telling my children how important they are to me and how much i love them.  If I see a friend in an outfit that looks really nice on them, I will say so.  If someone has been working hard on something, I tell them "good job!"  These things come very natural to me.  And gifts...I LOVE picking out thoughtful gifts!!  I get a thrill out of it.  It doesn't have to be bought.  It's the feeling that person gets when they open it that I'm thinking of, regardless of what it is (I've been told this could fall under acts of service, too).  Consequently, thoughtful and meaningful gifts given to me mean a lot, too.  I also smother my babies in hugs and kisses all day.  I would shrivel up and disappear if I couldn't kiss and hug them a million times a day!!!

Aimee's love languages are "quality time" and "acts of service."  These two are so hard for me!!  I really have to put forth a conscious effort to show my love in a way she understands.  I've learned that spending a half hour with her after her siblings go down for the night goes a loooong way in making her feel loved!!  And the look on her face if I do something for her, like organize her room when she's at her dad's or help her with something when I'm in the middle of my own project, is a huge reward for me in return!!

Andrew's love languages are "physical touch" and a tiny bit "quality time."  Mostly the boy is just "physical touch."  He loves hugs.  He's my cuddlebug.  He's been known to tackle his baby sisters and not let them go.  If I walk by him and run my hand across his buzzed head of hair, it's much more effective than if I had just said, "I love you."  But, because of my language, I still say "I love you!!!"  :)

Amerie, like i mentioned earlier, is "words of affirmation."  She's also "physical touch" and "quality time."  I have lost count of the number of times she's come up to me, put her hands on the sides of my face, and told me i was, "wonderful," "beautiful," and that she's "so proud of me!"  :)  When she gets in "love mommy moods" she pets my hair and my arms and crawls in my lap, and then tells me how important I am to her.  Obviously, this girl melts my heart because we speak the same language!

Lexi...

Lexi I'm not quite sure about yet.  She's still so young.  I know she loves hugs when she's excited, but it's still too early to determine the love language she speaks best.  In the meantime, I'm giving her all five as best I can.

Which leads me to one last thought...

I was discussing these things with Bethany...

(who is gifts, by the way!!) and she said that because I make an effort to "speak love" to my kids in each of the five languages, they will be familiar with each one and therefor have an easier time expressing them as they grow older.  I thought this was really useful information that I would have never thought of!!

My next step is figuring out my parents

and my sister, Emma.

  I already know Bethany's, since her and i discuss the love languages (and personality types) quite often.  But i want the people in my life that matter so much to me to know how much i love them, even if it means expressing it in ways that don't come second-nature.

I highly recommend the book, and applying the knowledge to your kids, spouse, parents, etc.  I wish I had understood these things better when i was married.  Phil is "acts of service," which is my hardest one to relate to.  I could have done a much better job at showing him how loved he is.  Hopefully I will be able to teach my kids the five languages and help them avoid missed opportuntities in their future!!

Have a happy February!!

Winter Storm???

There's a winter storm headed this way.  The snow is expected to start sometime tomorrow, and continue through Wednesday evening.  I've heard predictions as high as 12 inches. 

We already have a good bit of snow covering the ground.

My kids have trampled it down and had their fun.  They're looking forward to fresh snow.  Me?  I'm a little skeptical about any predicted storm.  We could get the 12 inches, or less than 6.  But...it's fun to look forward to!  Personally, I'm hoping we get a ton!!  :D  My friend Elissa blogged about her plans if she gets a snowday and how she'll spend it with her boys.  It led me to think about how we'll spend ours.  Of course, we'll have schoolwork in the morning.  That's a minus to homeschooling in Aimee's eyes!  But later I'm planning on making these cookies (recipe courtesy of my sis and definitely a favorite around here!) with the kids, along with chicken and biscuits for dinner.  My parents will be driving home in the snow on Wednesday, and coming home to comfort food should help ease the stress of driving 696!  Depending on the temp and snowfall, I'm sure my kids will want to play in the snow.

I snagged these for Lexi at Target this weekend.  I only paid $3.24!!

I might take her out in the snow for a little bit.  We'll see how much we get.  Theoretically, it could be over her head!!!

We're also going to make snowflakes out of paper.  This website has some fun tips and directions for more intricate designs.  Aimee will like the challenge of copying a design, while the younger ones will practice scissor skills and small motor coordination.  When we're done, I'll hang them from their bedroom ceilings with string and create an "indoor winter wonderland!"

In the evening, if church is canceled due to the snow, I think we might pop some popcorn, light a fire, snuggle together under some blankets, and watch a movie.  The kids want to see Nanny McPhee returns, if I can brave the elements and make it to the nearest Redbox.  :)

Happy end of January!!

Lexi's new pastime

Lexi saw me crocheting today...

and asked me to teach her how.

She tried her hardest to do exactly what I showed her.





But despite her honest efforts...

I was told it's "nah wooking."



Indecision

I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  I'm stuck in a weird situation and I haven't figured out how to handle it yet.

I've always been the type without secrets, and having a blog would never be something I'm uncomfortable with.  But lately, I have had this strong desire to hide from the world.  There is so much going on in my life, and in me, and i think it's an act of  protection.  The Lord said to give Him a year, and so much change is happening in this year.  I'm not ready for it to be scrutinized, and I'm sure it would come out weird in a blog. 

In a way, I'm looking forward to the changes.  But i'm also scared.  There are several uncomfortable things in my life that God has thrown out in the open for me to deal with.  It's like I've given Him permission to do some major  "Spring Cleaning" and after almost 29 years of keeping several areas of myself, to myself, I'm a bit nervous about the journey.  The end result I'm sure will be wonderful, as everything that the Lord does is wonderful.  But the lack of control over the situation and the mystery surrounding my future (along with the humbleness of seeing all of my shortcomings) has led me to seek quiet solitude. 

I guess it doesn't change my ability to blog.  But there are a few things I've grown uncomfortable with.   I've already made it clear that my kids and I eat different and do things that may be off the beaten path.  But those were private decisions that I never meant for anyone else to make.  I never wanted anyone to feel like I may judge them if they live or act (or eat) differently.  And I never meant for anyone to feel free to scrutinize me because of something I may have written on facebook or my blog that contradicted something I said or did later.  No one is perfect, and my whole life is changing by the day.  I'm GOING to make mistakes and change things I once did or believed.  It's all part of the journey.  But I've become increasingly uncomfortable with feeling like I'm under someone else's magnifying glass. 

At least for the time being.  Maybe after God's year of growth and change in me, I can go back to the comfort in being who I am.   But for now, while I'm relearning who that is, I'm staying inside, where it's comfortable.

Pick Up Student

I was putting Lexi, who just turned two on December 30 :) , to bed tonight.  She pointed to a picture on the wall that had a poem written below it.  The poem started with "A thought..." and so the "A" was slightly larger than the other letters.  Lex pointed right at the "A" and said, "A...Apple...B!!"  :-D 

I have been painfully trying to teach letter sounds to Andrew and Amerie, who are as stubborn as they come (I know they soak up everything I teach, but they'll never let me know it!) and sometimes Lexi "learns" with us.  If she has the desire, and obvious ability, to learn with us, she's joining in whenever she wants! 

I'm so proud of my baby girl!!

Friday night movie night...with my babies :)

There's no place I'd rather be than watching "Ramona & Beezus" and "Thomas the Train" with these quirky kids.  :-)

A recipe. And photos!! :D

This is Amerie.  Eating Ham and Bean soup.

This is Lexi.  Eating Ham and Bean soup.  It's good.

This is Ham and Bean soup after it's been eaten by a 2 year old, and you decide to take a picture for your blog.

It's also Ham and Bean soup in terrible color, becuase you don't own a camera, only an old iPhone.

It looks much better in real life.

Really.  It does.

See?  Gooood...

Ham and Bean Soup

2 lb. bag Great Northern or Navy beans

2 tbsp. baking soda

1 ham bone, lots of meat still attached (think leftover christmas ham)

2 quarts chicken stock

1 cup chopped carrots, or as desired

1 cup chopped onion, or as desired

3/4 cup chopped celery, or as desired

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 tbsp. olive oil

1 tbsp. dried parsley

1 tsp dried oregeno

black pepper, to taste

salt, if desired (I added some, but thought it ended up kinda salty, 'cuz of the salty ham)

Soak beans overnight in enough water to cover them by a couple inches.  In the morning, add the baking soda and bring to a boil.  Skip the foam off the top, and simmer until the beans are starting to soften, about an hour.  Drain some of the water, and add the chicken stock and ham bone.  Bring to a boil, and simmer until the meat is falling off the bone, about 1 hour.  Remove the meat and bone and allow to cool. 

While the ham is cooling, heat the the oil in a large skillet and add the carrots, onion, celery, and garlic.  Sautee until slightly softened, about 5-10 minutes.  Add to the chicken stock and beans, along with the parsley, oregeno, pepper and salt (if using).   Remove the (cooled) meat from the bone, chop, and add to the soup.  Simmer one hour.

Then ladle into a chipped bowl, because you have kids and it's what they do.   

;-)



Confession...

I had a heart to heart with my pastor a couple of months ago.  He recommended (very highly and firmly recommended...) that I remain absolutely single and free from even thinking about entering a relationship for one year from the date of my divorce, which was November 16th.

I only know that it was November 16th, because Bethany had her ultrasound on the 15th, and I remember that date.  And that my divorce was the next day.

 I'm weird.

But I've said that.

Anyways...during that time, I'm healing and growing closer to God.  I'm learning to let Him meet all of my needs and be absolutely everything to me. 

And I don't know that it will be an exact year.  I have no clue on the amount of time.  I'm honestly not worried about it.  I'm enjoying this journey and growing more and more in love with our Lord.  At some point, He'll lead me somewhere, and I'm confident I'll hear Him and be obedient.

He is, after all, a pretty awesome God.  And He's been really, really good to me.  Better than I could ever deserve, and I'm grateful. 

The very least I can do is give Him everything and let Him lead every step I take.  :)


So...the confession part...

I'm fine with being single.  Some days, when I'm feeling stubborn, I  plan on staying single.  Forever.  I kinda like the control.

But I loved being a wife.  I want to be a wife.  I want to have a husband I respect and adore that I can love and admire and care for and cook for and have four more babies with.

;-)

Hey...this is my blog and I'm being brutally honest.

And since this is my blog, I am stating for the fact that my standards regarding men are so flipping high now that only a man chosen by the Lord Himself is going to pass.  'Cuz I am never, ever going through a divorce again.  And if I fear ending up unhappily married...I would much rather stay single and serving the Lord.  

Those are the facts, folks.

But...

Back to my confession.

I am kinda...

sorta...

Maybe, just a little...

And for the record, I don't know how it happened, because I'm not even a TV watcher...

Crushing on THIS guy...

And totally addicted to "Psych" on USA, which doesn't pass my standards for appropriate TV.

Not much passes my standards, which is why I'm having multiple problems with this.  I want to watch every episode.  I'm currently working this one out in my head.

But anyway..no worries.  The show just makes me laugh, which is something i look forward to at the end of a long, tiring day.  :)  And James Roday is nice to look at. 

I'm sure I'll be over it next week.