Monday, November 7, 2011

Why I am home, and not in El Salvador

It's been awhile since I've posted, and I've mostly decided to put blogging on hold. is the day that I was supposed to leave for El Salvador.  And for those of you who have heard I stayed home, and for those of you who are finding out right now, I feel like I should at least say something.

But...I don't know what to say.  I'm very, very sad.  And hurt.  And confused.  And trying to stay focused on God's plans and desires, and not spend too much time crying about the things I wanted that obviously weren't a part of His plan.

I did pay for my trip in full.  The Lord provided, even going above and beyond and allowing me to help a couple other people from my church.  But at almost the last minute, a situation arose and I had to make the very hard decision to stay home.  I cannot say more than that, and I am very grateful to those that have prayed and not questioned me.   I hope and pray that I will be able to accompany my church the next time they travel to El Salvador.  And I would appreciate prayers for myself and my kiddos right now.

I do know that sometimes we don't understand the "why" behind God's plans.  And that things make a lot more sense when we look back on them, compared to how they look as we're walking through them.  I thank and praise the Lord for the faith I've gained and the relationship I have with Him.  Even though I am sad, I'm not discouraged.  Nor have I lost my joy.  And although there is a lot of confusion and a need for wisdom and discernment coming, I am not afraid.  I pray all things in my life, good and bad,  are used for His Glory and I believe wholeheartedly that they will be.  I know He holds all things in His hands, and He knows my heart and my mind and He walks with me.  So no matter what, I will not deny Him or turn from His plans.  Am I weary at times?  Yes.  Stressed?  Absolutely.  Do I wish that life was easy??  Of course I do!  Those feelings are so very, very normal and He is gracious and loving and He understands.  That's when His peace and love are the most comforting.

So, that is all I can say.  I really wish I was arriving in El Salvador along with the other 16 or so people from my church.  But I am here, in Michigan, and I am okay.  I'm sad, but it's okay to be sad.  I don't know the future, but He does.  And it's such a wonderful feeling to know that I just have to obey and He will take care of the rest, even when I don't understand what the plan is.  

So thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for all the support.  I have been blessed with some amazing people in my life and I love you dearly.

And I pray the Lord blesses each of your lives, as you have each blessed mine.