Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A "well-rested unrest"

I feel weird today.  Have you ever had days when you just felt weird?  I think most of it is boredom, but I'm not really sure.

The kids and I have been enjoying a lazy summer for the past couple of weeks.  I've become very protective of my "restful/productive" days (when the kids are with thier dad).  I get my cleaning and errands done and then I relax, without guilt.  My life has the potential to be very stresful and overwhelming.  I learned, the hard way, to not make it any more difficult than it's already going to be.

So...the past few nights I've had 10 hours of rest.  Granted, several hours each night were spent in prayer and thinking about my life, but I was still resting.  This morning, for the first time since I became a mother almost 10 years ago, I woke up feeling completely rested.  It was wonderful.  And the only thing on my agenda for today is to put away some laundry, possibly go to Target, and feed my family.

Not much to do. 

Which leaves me feeling weird.  And thoughtful.  Contemplative.  A little unsure.

Sometimes overthinking can be a bad thing.  :-/

My brain is one of those over-thinking, figure it all out types.  Everything has a box and I have to figure out which box things fit into so I can understand them.  But I can't figure out which box I fit into.

When I go to bed at night, I feel like a tired housewife.  But I'm not a wife.  So can I call myself a homemaker??  I'm home all day, taking care of children and caring for my home and family.  But "homemaker" and "single mom" don't really fit in the same category.  So what am I?  And then that leads me to my next overthought I want to get married again someday?  Or just raise my kiddos and call it a well-served life?  If I do want to eventually date and get remarried, what kind of guy would want a tired homemaker?? 

This all confuses me and even overwhelms me sometimes.  I love my life and I hate parts of it.  That's the truth.  And yes, when I'm honest with myself, I want to be married again someday, even if the idea of it all makes me uneasy.  I'm busy.  I have 4 kids, that I homeschool.  I'm tired and I don't exactly get out much.  And I don't want to.  I like being home with my babies.  They're such a joy to me.

These are personal thoughts I have, that I'm choosing to share.  Because most days, when I think about my life, I feel a weird mix of peace and sadness.  I love my life, and I feel joy every night that I climb into bed, even through my exhaustion.   But sometimes I feel sadness, because my day-to-day is not what I want forever.  I feel like pieces are missing, even if I couldn't tell you what they are.  And I feel sad over it.  Unrest.  And every day, my unrest grows just a little bit more.

Today, in my rested, contemplative mood, I thought and prayed over all of these things.  I have read more of my bible this week, seeking the Lord and His voice, than I have in the last 6 months.  And what I feel Him whispering to me, through my unrest and frustration and stress and joy and peace, is this,

"This too shall pass."

Life is full of stages.  Even if we're not ready, we're constantly entering new ones.  This is only a stage.  It doesn't mean that the rest of my life will be exactly as today.  Or tomorrow.  But right now, this is my life.  And I need to feel joy and peace and completeness in it.  There are parts of it that I wish I could change, but for now, it is what it is.  If I spend this stage constantly longing for more/different, I will never feel satisfied with the next stage.  Or the one after that.  I'm learning contentment in all circumstances.  Even in stages that leave me feeling bored and ready for change.

But you know what?  "Boredom" is so much better than some other stages I've lived through.  And I really am very, very happy each and every day.  I can't count the number of times I whisper "thank you," because of the blessings in my life.  I have amazing, beautiful kids (4 of them!!!), a wonderful family and just as wonderful friends.  I love my church.  I love homeschooling.  I love babysitting.  I love my home and taking care of it.  I'm happy.

I have a feeling that my "unrest" is because I'm about to, and ready to, enter a new stage.  This is, after all, my "buffer year."  Which means that just around the corner, everything will be shaken up a little bit.  I have no idea what the changes will be, but I have complete confidence that the Lord is curently preparing it all.   It's in His hands.  And I love that I don't have to worry about it.  I just have to take one day at a time, living in obedience, and I'll end up where He wants me to go.  :)

God is so very, very good.  No matter what happens in life, He'll lead you through it. 

A year ago, two years ago, I never would have believed that right now I could be feeling so much peace and contentment, that at times I feel a little bored.  :)  I thought my life was forever going to be hard and scary.  But I threw my hands in the air and let Him have complete control, and  I am so grateful I did.  I would probably be forever stuck in "hard and scary" if I hadn't. 

Instead, I'm surrounded by His Spirit, which contnually giudes me and comforts me.  And right now, He is giving me quietness and rest. 

I'm going to embrace it and be grateful.  And be ready for the next step, whatever and whenever it may be.  :) 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

A (deeper than I intended) update on my life :)


:::deep sigh:::

Where do I even start??  I keep saying my life is changing and I don't like putting things in here that might change later.  And...let me admit it and get it over with...I'm just a regular girl who gets scared and wants to run from God's plans, or from life, when things seem to get too darn big and scary.  And if I blog about it, I'm afraid you'll see my faults and failures.  ;-)

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being tired.

I don't want to play this game anymore.

Why have I not yet learned to never utter the words to God "I'm bored"???????  When will I learn that lesson?  And why does my boredom have to be replaced with strife and struggles and exercising that Big Faith I claim to have?

I wrote in this post about my church's upcoming mission trip to El Salvador and how I prayed and prayed and laid out a fleece about going and God responded with, "Yes.  You're going.  And I will provide."

It didn't make any sense to me why I would go on that trip.  It doesn't make any sense now.

I have been on hiatus from facebook for a few weeks now (in all honesty, I don't miss it AT ALL).  So unless you're my mom, my sister, Bethany, or Aimee, you probably have no idea what's going on in my life.

I don't have any idea either.  ;-)

I feel a call to go on the November 2011 El Salvador trip with my church.  I don't know why, but I know it also has to be that specific trip.  I thought, before today, that it was just my own desires that were leading me to go.  And that when things fell apart on Friday, it would be okay to just wait and go on a later trip.  And then I spent Saturday in a state of discord or discouragement or something.  I don't know what.  I didn't feel the Spirit of God sitting next to me and surrounding me (not that He left me) and I didn't feel peace.  Mostly, I didn't feel anything.  And then in church this morning, as the worship and service progressed, I found myself crying crocodile tears over this trip.  I'm supposed to go.

For the sake of your understanding, let me explain further.  :)  I cannot afford to go on this trip.  The total cost is $1900.  By the grace and provision of the Lord, I am currently up to date on payments towards the trip.  I have paid $800 so far.  On August 7, a payment of $400 is due.  I currently have half of it.  On September 4, I owe another $400.  On October 5. my final payment of $300 is due.  My fleece, which I mentioned in my previous post, was for a child to babysit.  I cannot pay for a mission trip out of my budget.  I live with my parents, and keep my expenses minimal, to make ends meet.  I have just enough, if I'm careful, to take care of my kids.  And I am totally okay with that.  I actually enjoy living a life that allows God to be glorified through prayer and faith in meeting our needs, but that's a whole new post.  ;-)

So...the idea of going on a $2000 mission trip, for me, is CRAZY.  I cannot afford it on my own.  And sitting here, typing these words, is bringing back the tears and emotions all over again.

I live my life every day for our God.  I love Him, I love serving Him, I trust Him completely in every way.  I spend most of my day in random prayer, just talking to Him.  I know when we are close, and I know the moment I am out of line (whether it's out of disobedience or stepping out of His will).  I can feel the distance between Him and I in an overwhelming way.  I don't like losing that peace and the feel of His Presence.  But when we are close, when I am in almost constant prayer, He tells me things.  He guides me.  He shows me the path He wants me to take, and sometimes He's even gracious enough to show me visions of the future.  They're like little snapshots, and they don't always make sense until later.  But He has made it very, very clear to me that He knows the level to which I have surrendered my life and the lives of my children and He has a specific plan for us.  If I remain in obedience, trusting Him in every way, He will lead us down that path.  And even though I cannot, in my humanness, see any reason why He would ask a single mother to go on a trip like this, I know He is asking me.  And not only is He asking me, but the part that brings my tears to the surface is that i feel so sure that this trip is a very key part of the path He is leading me down.

He told me last December, that 2011 was to be my buffer year.  It's the year that I will transition from one phase of my life into a new one.  All the things that He told me would happen so far this year have happened, so I know I heard Him correctly.  I've seen more of the future and I want that life.  I want to serve Him and live for Him and bring Him glory and do His work.  I feel such joy and peace over it!!!

My fleece that I had laid out before, a child for me to babysit and the money would go directly to the trip, was answered.  I started babysitting an adorable little girl from our church.  But Friday, I found out that at least until September, she will be at home with her sisters.  When her sisters return to school in the Fall, I hope I will get her back.

I panicked on Friday.  How am I going to pay for my trip?  The little bit of extra money I have is being saved to purchase a few needed homeschooling materials for this year.   I simply cannot pay for this trip if I don't babysit.  That's why I asked for that specific prayer.  What do I do now??  I felt so very defeated and discouraged.

But today, I know that He wants me to go.  I do not know why.  I will never understand God and His ways, and I'm not even going to try.  :)  I am going to believe that He will provide the money.  I'm a number cruncher, and after crunching numbers in my head, I think I can do it.  It's not going to be easy, but I believe the blessings will be great.  I'm asking for donations, and I'm confident the Lord will speak to hearts about helping to sponsor my trip.  I know the Lord will bless each and every person who chooses to give, who helps me on my journey.  Maybe this was one way God planned to provide all along, but I was trying to figure it all out myself??  I'll probably never know.

I said it before, but I will say it one more time...I do not know why God is calling me to El Salvador in November.  But I know He watches over me and my kids and He is taking us somewhere intentional.  Somehow, this trip fits into all of it.  Maybe one day I will see the pieces of the puzzle and how they fit together.  But even if I don't, I trust Him.  :)  And I've learned that His ways are so much better than anything we could ever come up with on our own.

I will continue to blog about the journey we are on, and about the mission trip.  God is at work in every life that surrenders to Him, and I'm inviting you to watch mine if you want  :)  I pray He is speaking in each of your lives, and that you have surrendered control to Him.  The blessings are so great and so worth it.  I'm also reactivating my facebook account.  I know that I will no longer allow it to waste my time, and I miss having it as a tool for connecting with people in my life.  It's also a way to keep those who are interested up to date on the events in our lives.  :) 

If God is asking your heart to give a gift towards my trip, I would first like to say "thank you more than you know."  I pray He pours blessings on those who help, and that you understand my deep gratitude.  You can send donations to:

Warren Woods Church of the Nazarene
14300 13 mile road
Warren, MI 48088

Please enclose a note that you are donating on behalf of Liz Wehrman for the El Salvador mission trip.  If you have any questions, you can email me at

I'm stepping out in faith right now and in blogging about all of this, I'm allowing everyone to see God work.  We serve an awesome, mighty God, who answers prayer and always provides.  He also provides direction and helps us through every struggle.  I trust Him and I'm believing in Him.  And through my blog, which I will regularly update, I'm providing the opportunity for those interested to watch God work through a simple little single mother and her life.  I hope it blesses you in some way.  :)

Sunday, July 10, 2011


I hit what I thought was "snooze" on my alarm, and woke up an hour later than I should have for church.

On the way to church (actually on time!), I remembered that I forgot my next payment for the El Salvador trip that was due today.  I had to turn around and go all the way back to my house.


I was late for church.  :(

I was late for church and had to step over several women to get to my family, who decided to sit in the middle of the row, instead of on the end,  for the first time ever.


Yes, I was the crazy, "Excuse me...pardon me...excuse me...I'm so sorry!!" lady today. 

While taking communion, I choked.  Yep...I choked on the one little swallow of cranberry juice from the tiny plastic cup.  Classy.

After service, while talking with a friend, I spilled the last little bit of what I thought was my empty (and closed) cup of coffee down the front of my mom's dress.  The dress I borrowed this morning, and promised "I won't get dirty.  I'll come right home after church and hang it right back in your closet on this exact little hanger," as I slowly pulled it out of her closet...

On the way out of church, while carrying several boxes, I tripped on a rug.  That Bethany had just said not to trip on.  But she tripped on it, too.

It's really nice to have a best friend who's exactly like you.  I love you, Bethany!!  :)

I think I'm safe now.  I'm finally home, relaxing on my couch.  In a minute, I'll tackle some laundry.  Not much can happen when you're folding laundry.

At least, I hope...  :)

Have a blessed day!!

Friday, July 8, 2011

My new favorite hobby.

Hairbows.  :) 

I have an entire collection of hairbows I purchased at Target for Lexi.  She LOVES them.  But thanks to Keri's tutorial on how to make your own, I find myself sitting up too late on a Friday night, making pretty little hair clips for all the little girls in my life.  :) 

Lexi is very, very excited about all the pretty bows.  She sat next to me this evening, handing me ribbon in the order she wanted them done. 

It's fun having girls.  :)

But, for the sake of my only boy, here's a pic my mama took today.  He "looks thrilled" to be taking a photo, but it was really just the sun in his eyes.  He loves his mommy.  :)

Why I deactivated my facebook ;)

This is kind of an interesting post for me to write.  Typically, I write a blog post and then post a link to my facebook wall.  90% of the people who make their way to my blog, come by way of my posted link.  Yet, if you read the title, this is not an option for me right now.  :)

I "deactivated" my facebook 2 days ago, for a variety of reasons.  I will admit...I am a facebook addict.  I had the facebook app on my phone, and would check my notifications when I woke up in the morning.  I would spend a considerable amount of time catching up on the latest "news" while I drank my morning coffee.  Throughout the day, if i was bored, I would sit down and fool around on facebook.  Check this, comment there.  Look through someone's recently posted photos.  And every night before bed, I would check my notifications one last time before going to sleep for the night.

I would fear that I am alone in my pathetic addiction to Facebook, but I know for a fact that there are others, mostly women, who do the same thing that I do.  :)  And some women I know would be just as bad if they were home all day instead of at work.

So, when I clicked the reason I was deactivatiing my account (and Facebook requires you to give them a reason), "I spend to much time on Facebook" was number one on my list.  My days are super busy, my to-do list is typically longer than it should be.  I'm working on time management (I'm terrible at it...), so eliminating my number one distraction is something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but I just couldn't get myself to click the little button. Until now.  And I have felt very free.  :)

My second biggest reason I deactivated my account is gossip.  I'm a woman, and let's be honest...most women have a strong temptation to gossip.  I love a good story, and I love sharing it with fresh ears even more.  But I feel extremely convicted over it.

I prayed and prayed for an entire week about whether to let my account go, or just work my discipline regarding my time and my interest in knowing what my peeps are up to.  These verses came to mind again and again...

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

My other reason for wanting to let go of Facebook was in that first verse, too...I have been craving privacy, and a handful of people use facebook and my blog to keep an eye on my "business."  NO ONE has a right to the details of my private life, except occasionally my parents because I live in their home.  And they're my parents.  :)  I'm not even married anymore, so I don't have a husband to be accountable to.  I have the Lord, and I'm pretty good at keeping Him in the loop.  ;-)  But what is facebook, other than the worlds biggest peephole into your daily activities??  People tell you everything from their plans for the weekend, to the random thoughts running through their head.  There is no privacy in the land of social media.  And if I'm putting bits and pieces of my life out there for everyone to see, it will be used for good and for bad, depending on the heart who reads it.

So...I read verse 11 over and over again.

'Lead a quiet life" said to me that I don't need to tell my 367 Facebook friends what I'm doing today.  I get up, I lay my day at the Lord's feet and ask Him to bless it and walk me through it, and we go on to accomplish it all together.  Quietly.  Just me and the Lord (and 4-7 kids, but you get my point...)

"to mind your own business"  Do I need to know what everyone else is doing??  My day is super busy.  If I lose focus, I don't get it all done.  Why should I interested be in the affairs of others, when my own affairs are enough to keep my attention all day long?

"and to work with your hands"  I'm lazy.  I said it.  I think I've even said it before.  I hate that I'm lazy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.  I also get distracted very easily, and I waste my time on pointless activities.  It's another weakness I'm learning to gain control over.  If I am on facebook, I am not doing anything productiive.  Occasionally I will read a prayer request, and send up a prayer.  But that is less than a minute of my day.  The rest is a clear waste of my time.  I could be folding laundry, preparing dinner, reading the kids some books, and so on.  Until I am good at "working with my hands" instead of floating through my day, I am choosing to eliminate my big distractions.  I have cut TV and fiction novels out of my life.  It's Facebooks turn.  :)

And lastly..."so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."  I said that there are hearts that judge me by things I put on facebook.  They watch what I do, form opinions, and then talk about me amongst themselves.  ANYONE who is following the Lord with their entire heart and soul is going to have people in their life who do this.  It's pretty much inevitable.  But if you are the person God wants you to be, if you acknowledge your weaknesses and form the discipline and determination to overcome them, and if you mature daily in Christ, what bad does anyone have to say about you??  If I waste my time and merely "get through each day alive," then I have nothing to stand on in the face of criticism.  But if I pray each morning, read my bible to get my mind focused, and then maintain that focus all day long, I can go to bed each night knowing that each day was blessed and I brought the Lord Glory with the the "work I did with my hands."

I have 4 children of my own.  I babysit regularly.  I'm a single mother, and I live with my parents.  I homeschool.  I like to have a social life, and I like to be involved and serve at my church.

I'm B-U-S-Y.  I cannot do all of the things I desire to do if I give in to my weaknesses.  And if I am slacking, I face criticism.  If I gossip or maintain interest in the affairs of those around me, I suffer from disobedience.  In the light of all those things, I deactivated my Facebook account.  And you know what??  After I got throught the 15 minutes of panic ( a sign that I truly was addicted), I felt a huge wave of relief.  Each day that has gone by, I have felt more and more free.

I prayed about my blog.   Should I let it go, too?  But God has very clearly said the same thing He always says..."the blog is Mine and it's one more thing I ask of you, for my Glory."  I can't argue with that, even if I don't understand it.  :)  And I get such a joyful feeling knowing that God asks me to do things and I do them.  I see the direction He's taking me, and I am so very, very excited.

We serve an awesome God.  And in seeking to be the Liz that He wants me to be, I let Facebook go.  Maybe one day I will activate it again, but right now I am looking forward to being and doing everything that He wants.  It requires all kinds of discipline, and the blessing are worth the discomfort.  :)

God's good.  Have I said that before??  :)

Friday, July 1, 2011

Social Media and My Personality :)

I have put off this post and put of this post (and put off this post) for a long time.  :)  Every time I want to post a blog or write something personal on facebook, I get incredibly uneasy...

We live in such a different world now, thanks to social media.  And the internet.  And cell phones.  Privacy is something you have to fight like crazy for.

I am a weird mix of an open book and a hermit.  I am who I am, I love who I am, and I don't feel that I have anything to hide from anyone.  So in that aspect, facebook and blogger are two things I love and I have no problem sharing things on them. 

But on the other hand, I hate when people feel that because I share things, they have a right to share their opinions about my life.  Sometimes, I'd go so far as to call those opinions "a very strong suggestion that you should take my advice."  And even, "a very strong suggestion, that I will mention to you multiple times until you listen to me." 

I know that if I put personal stuff out there, I have no control over what is done with that information.  I have released it. And people are people.  Things will be misunderstood.  Opinionated people will open their mouths.  This is reality.  But should I quit two hobbies that I love just because I have a hard time with stronger personalities than my own??

I love blogging.  It's a release for me and it's kinda fun and I really feel that if I'm learning something from the Lord, sharing it allows the possibility for it to bless someone else.  But lately, I have had a handful of people misconstrue things that I, or other people, have done or said.  And it has caused a lot of heartache.  And frustration.  And I'll be honest...anger on my part.  And I don't get angry very easy!!

So I questioned what to do with facebook and my blog.  I almost deleted my facebook, until my daughter informed me that it's a great means of communication when I am gone and she needs to contact me.  When I'm in El Salvador, this will be very valuable.  And my blog...I LOVE my blog.  Lol.  I don't journal, I will never be a scrapbooker.  But I love my life, and my kids, and my Lord, and for me...this is a place that I can record my thoughts and my feelings and pics of my babies.  Especially when everything is changing so much.  :)  And to all of my friends who make their way here and read it, I hope it blesses you in some way.  And if you have a blog, I would love to read all about your quirks and thoughts and daily musings.  :)  Leave me a link!!!

My sister and her family are on their way to Michigan, from Virginia, as I type to spend the next week with all of us, and my brother is on his way from Tennessee. He'll be here until Monday.  On Sunday, we're having a big family gathering and family pictures taken.  I am so excited!!!  I will be taking my own pics, now that my mom has kindly shared her camera with me.  A little thing I discovered about myself...I love taking pictures.  I love it.  But I don't own a camera, so I don't take them nearly as often as I would like.  But now I will be experimenting with my mom's camera and taking lots of pics of my babies.  :) 

After family goes home, I will be making some changes in our house.  Again, I would love right now to just throw them out there.  But for privacy's sake, it has to wait.  :)  My blog, however, is going to become a place for me to record our lives.  Kind of like an online scrapbook.  :)  I love my life and my kids and all the work the Lord is doing, and I love the idea of having it on here as a record.  When my sister goes home, I will be ready to face the opinions and suggestions and tell the bearers (kindly and respectfully!!) that I do my best to live every day within the Lord's will and way, and if they have a problem with anything I do, they can take it up with Him.  Because that is the truth.  :)

Have a wonderful 4th!!!