Thursday, February 18, 2010

So, um, like I said...I am terrible at blogging.

I'm going to be honest...things are a little rough for me right now. Today is 6 months since my husband and I seperated. I have so many emotions running through me. I can't remember the last good night's sleep I had. I've almost completely stopped caring what I look like, what i eat, or even what I feel like anymore. I'm so drained. I try to be so strong for my kids, but I think my 8 year old knows the truth. She had a field trip this week to a candy factory, and instead of spending all of her few dollars on candy, she bought me a rose. She said it was because she knew I am sad, and because I didn't have a Valentine's Day or get flowers. I am amazed at how special God made each of my children.

I think I am coming across as a depressed wreck of a woman. I am not. My faith in the Lord has grown so much during all of this, and I KNOW that it's all in His hands. I love my husband more than anything and i wish we could make our marriage work, but I am accepting that it's probably not going to happen. At least not now. He has no interest at all in remaining married, and only gets angry with me when i bring it up. So I'm picking myself up by my shoestrings. Maybe one day the Lord will lead us back together, maybe we will end up a part of the sad statistics. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm so tired of stressing over it and missing out on my life because it's headed in a direction I don't want. God has it all in His hands, even when times are tough, right??

I'm going to end with a couple of verses that have really spoken to me in the past year. Maybe they'll be a comfort to someone else, too.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

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