Friday, March 4, 2011

Thoughts on yesterday's post...

Thank you to everyone who showed me so much support yesterday.  I was really under attack yesterday morning and didn't realize the extent of it until several hours after writing my blog post.  In all honesty, I was under such a cloud of confusion and self-doubt that I wanted to cry.  Run to the doctor.  Give up the things that I was struggling with so much.  Something, anything, to clear up my mind and allow me to think clearly again.  I don't know that I was even capable of simple math at several points during the day.  I prayed, asking the Lord for strength.  And suddenly, as I was driving down Van Dyke, I had such a revelation!! 

Oh my gosh!!" I thought.  "It's Satan.  He is confusing me.  And shame on me for allowing him to have this power over me!!!"  TRUST ME when I tell you that in that instant my confusion and headache vanished.  It was gone.

This made me think of two very important bible verses...

James 4:7
"...Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Ephesians 6:12
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

My self-doubt began when this influentual person suggested I put the kids back in public school.  I was angry at first, and worried they would make things difficult for me.  But then I thought about Aimee and Andrew's struggles, and the steps I mentioned yesterday to work through them.  I decided to form a "plan of action," so to speak, and be firm in my decision to homeschool, regardless of the discouragement I was receiving.  Yesterday morning, I sat down with Aimee's math books and started planning everything out.  That's when the confusion settled over my mind.  I could hardly think straight, which caused me to doubt my ability to make the right decision for her.  Should we go through 3rd grade math again?  Or just review?  If we step back, do I start at the beginning of the year?  Or somewhere in the middle?  Where, then, do I start?

Coupled with the negativity I was receiving, I seriously questioned homeschooling.  I was scared. 

"My kids deserve the best," I thought.  "How can I decide what is best when I'm so tired and unable to think??  Maybe this person is right...I can't do this!!"  I was ready to throw in the towel.

Now that I am aware of the devil's influence over my thinking yesterday, I am even more confident in my decision to homeschool my children.  I still don't think homeschooling is for everyone, but i firmly believe it is what's best for our family.  The Lord has supported me, by providing my favorite curriculum for free.  That was such a fleece for me.  And the fact that Satan was trying so hard to discourage me and leave me in self-doubt tells me I'm doing something he fears. 

Today was a MUCH better day.  I decided the best plan of action for Aimee is to give her each chapter test from the 3rd grade math book.  I review the material with her briefly (it has been a year) and then give her the test.  We will take one test per day.  When the tests start showing her weaknesses, we will begin at that chapter.  We will continue math throught the summer, which i had already decided to do, so she should catch back up in a year or two.  She will be even farther ahead of the game at that point, becuase she will have such a strong grasp on the material.

There is one thing  I want to clarify...I may have worded things in yesterday's post to suggest that i felt responsible for my children's struggles.  This is not the case.  I know that every child struggles at some point, with something.  And the beauty of homeschooling is that you can immediatly recognize where your child's struggles are and offer them the one-on-one help and extra time they need to grasp the new material or concept.  My struggle was that this person I mentioned noticed what they felt was a "lack of teaching" on my part, and without talking with me about it, firmly suggested I step down as the teacher.  The lack of conversation on the subject angered me the most, since they immediatly jumped to conclusions.  So at that point, with them already doubting my ability, I was anxious about stepping back a year, if Aimee needed.  This, as I said, would be throwing myself in the lion's den and receiving a great amount of critism and discouragement, at best.  My personality is that of a peacemaker...I hate conflict.  I was scared.

But today is a much better day.  I am confident in my abilities and the decisions I have made.  Homeschooling is a huge blessing in our lives and the right decision to make, as is taking Aimee a step backwards in math.  Andrew will benefit from daily, constant repetition of the letters and sounds, as have Amerie and Lexi already.  He just might take longer to read than some expect him to take.  And that is okay.  :)

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you. The devil one never stops attacking, not even when you are broken down the most.
    Keep hanging on to God. He makes all things new!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Keep up the good work, Liz!:-)

    ReplyDelete