What's been going on...

I think I can admit that my life overwhelms me.  A lot.  I feel guilty for admitting this, because I have a guilt complex, and I feel like it's just some flaw or weakness I must have that I feel overwhelmed.  But I do.  And I'm admitting it.

With that said, I LOVE my life.  The Lord has so richly blessed me and my children.  How could I not feel blessed?!  I have four absolutely beautiful and precious children.  They fill my life with so much joy, even when they're driving me crazy.  ;-)  I have the privelage of homeschooling them, so even though two of them are school-age, I still spend every day with them.  We're much closer because of it.  And I was the one who got to teach my son to read the word B-A-T yesterday.  :-D

I wish i had a camera to randomly record our days.  These kids are amazing.  Lexi is getting so big, and copying everything that Amerie does or says in her little baby voice.  Amerie is as loving as ever.  She's taken to petting my hair when I tuck her into bed and calling me her "little sleeping beauty."  :)  Andrew is in that phase where he's trying to "become a man," which means I no longer get a kiss or hug every time I ask.  He's "too big."  And Aimee is becoming such a little woman.  I love hearing her mediate when two of her siblings argue.  She sounds so big and mature.  She's figuring out who she is, too, and it's so incredible to watch.  She's definitely most comfortable when she's tomboy/punk rock chick.  She wants to dye her hair black with streaks of bright red.  NOT AT ALL what I would have expected from any of my kids...I'm as conservative as they come.  But I respect individuality.  :)  The hair will have to wait until she's older, though...

Garden season is starting up, too!  There may be snow on the ground, but my dad already has flats of seeds started and I've been brainstorming about container gardens in the backyard.  It's so EXCITING!!!  I'd like to can as much of my own veges in the Fall as possible.

And just this week, my older 3 started Choi Kwang Do.  Phil worked out a deal for the kids to go 3x's a week.  So far, they love it.  I'm a little concerned that 3x's a week is a bit much, so I'm keeping an ear open for signs of this. But Aimee is already focused on earning her first belt.  And my brother, who works for Tiger Claw martial arts equipment, is super excited that the kids are taking Choi Kwang Do and wearing Tiger Claw uniforms!! 

I'll end with a few of my new favorite pics.  My babies crack me up.  Not a day goes by that I don't thank the Lord for each of them.  They're mommy loves them so much!!

This girl is so goofy.  Making us laugh is a frequent goal for her.  She's definitely Wehrman to the core...


This next one is what happens when you tell Amerie to "smile."  I was laughing so hard...

I finally told her to "just look at me."  And I think she's beautiful.  :)  Even if she's "tough."

:-)

Random Pics

Amerie left this on my bed.  It's a Little People Noah's Ark and erasers the kids got in their Valentine Treat bags.  This is what my kids do...line stuff up and arrange it.  Why play with toys when you can organize them??

If you didn't see this one on facebook...she decided pajama pants weren't really her thing.  Aimee's toe socks are much more her style.  ;-)

This I found on my wall when I went to bed the other night.  Aimee is spending the week at Nana's.  She talked to me repeatedly about watering her plants, to the point that she got an, "Aimee...I've been raising four kids for awhile now.  You're all doing fine.  I can handle watering your plants."  I found this above my pillow that evening.  She also called today to make sure I got her note.  :)  As Grammy says, "Different personalities, Mama..."  

Amen.

And finally, as I was walking into the room to type out this blog post...

THIS is how my Bubba was watching TV.  Doesn't look very comfortable to me, but it was suiting him just fine!!

I love my kids!!

Happy Birthday to my Amerie Rose!

Miss Amerie turns four today.

 She's so beautiful and loving and BIG!!  I can't believe it's been four years since our little "whoops" was born.  :)

She loves to color, play dress up, and anything related to Tinkerbell and fairies.  She adores her older brother, but he's a stinker and is usually mean to her.  Even still, she'd give him the world.

I can't count the number of times Andrew wanted a toy, and Amerie freely gave it to him simply because she hates telling that boy "no."

Now that Lexi is getting older, I can see that the two of them are getting closer, too.

It's so cute to listen to their little conversations.  And as Amerie adores Andrew, Lexi adores her big sister. 

As for Aimee and the adoration of younger siblings...

She's 3 1/2 years older than Andrew, 5 years older than Amerie, and 7 years older than Alexis.  She's adored for her maturity (after all, in their eyes she's almost a grown-up!), but it's sometimes hard for them to play together.  So the adoration is a little different.

But back to Amerie...

I LOVE this picture of her.  It's so much who she is.  For those who know the Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy, Phlegmatic personalities...Amerie is a Choleric Sanguine.  Or Sanguine Choleric.  I'm not sure yet. 

She says the craziest things (anyone see my facebook post about her eating a penny?  That she didn't even eat?).  I know that 9 nights out of 10, she'll end up in my bed by morning and wake me with hugs.  But not kisses.  For some reason, she hates kisses and only hands them out at her discretion.

I love her so much.  She has so much personality and sweetness, all wrapped in a beautiful little platinum blonde.  :) 



Happy Birthday, baby girl!!!

Sleeping Babies.

I love taking pictures of my kids when they're sleeping.  My mom has always said that kids "redeem themselves" during the angelicness of their slumber.  I agree.

I recently found some pics of my kids sleeping in one of my photo albums.  I decided to share them.  What kind of a mom would I be if I withheld all of their preciousness for myself??

Now excuse me while I go give them all kisses...

 

 

 

 

 

At the risk of a transparent heart...

I just had the hardest weekend that I have had in a long time.  I was an emotional wreck through most of it, even though I prayed my little heart out.  I can't imagine what people were thinking in church this morning.  In retrospect, I probably should have stayed home.

I apologize in advance for the lack of specific details, but I want to share my struggle and something that the Lord is teaching me.

I have been deeply hurt and betrayed recently by someone claiming to live for the Lord and His ways only.  This person professes a passion for Christ and holds themself above many other Christians for their "devotion and faith" in Him.

I can't help but wonder if that's true.  Are they more pleasing to Him and far above the rest of us?

This person betrayed me.  Hurt me deeply (and then blamed me for their actions).  Which not only hurts me more, but confuses me.  If they're following the Lord and believe to be acting only in ways that please Him, why was I betrayed?  And when I clung to Him and sought Him in my pain, what was He seeing?  I believe that I am pleasing to the Lord, but this person feels their heart serves the Lord better than others.  And that I am really the one at fault.  So what does He think when He looks down at us? 

Tonight, as I have many times, I prayed, "Lord...do I get your favor?  I was obedient.  My heart longs only for You.  YOU know that Lord, and it pleases me to know that You already know my faithfulness and devotion.  So because I was , can I be the one to get your favor?  Because it's not fair that they hurt me and are living happy and guilt-free, while I'm left here with my wound.  I was obedient, God.  This isn't fair.  Please don't give them Your favor over me.  I was the good one"

That's not how the prayer sounded in my head.  It was actually quite a confused prayer, because I didn't know how to pray what my heart was feeling.  And I didn't want a wrong attitude in my praying (sometimes that's HARD).  But I was terrified that this person would have His favor and a life of joy and happiness, while I would be given nothing.

It may sound strange.  Maybe this is something you've never struggled with.  But I have been.  It consumes me at times.  I've been so caught up in what's "fair" and "unfair," and how I've been hurt.  I didn't want Him to hand this person more blessings and joy than me, when I felt that I was unjustly wronged.

What He responded with, which is the point of my blog post, is this...

If your heart is obedient to Him, you will find His favor.

If you are disobedient, you will lose it.

Plain and simple.  He knows your heart.  He knows your motives, your thoughts, your feelings.  He knows these even better than you do.  If you're heart pleases Him, He wants to bless you and take care of you.  If your heart is selfish, you grieve Him.


So yes, I have His favor and He will bless me.  And this other person?  I don't have to worry about it anymore.  Because He sees their heart, and He is just and fair.  If they really are seeking Him and pleasing Him, they will be blessed and find His favor.  If they are living for self, they won't be.  It doesn't matter that they sinned against me, because I sin, too.  We all do. And it doesn't matter that they claim to have a heart that pleases Him more than others.  Because He sees the truth, and He will act accordingly.  I can let it go.

All I need to worry about is my own heart.  And He knows it's in love with Him.  :)

A little surprise...

So...I was climbing into bed last night, after a long day.  I was tired, and ready to settle into my soft, comfy bed.  I threw back my comforter and found THIS waiting for me...

Now, I know it's plastic.  My son earned it from his speech pathologist for being such a hard working student.  But in that split second after I threw back my covers, I almost woke the entire household with my screaming.

My son, a Wehrman to the core, would have laughed hysterically had he known he "got me."  Playing pranks on mom seems to be his pursuit in life lately.

I firmly believe there is a reason the Lord blessed me with 3 girls and only 1 boy.    :)

Rough Day

I've been having a tough couple of days.  I guess it's all part of the process.  I pray that the Lord will use this heartache for His glory, but gosh does it hurt to endure it.

Sometimes I wish I could go into detail on this blog.  I want to show what the Lord is doing within me, and every bit of good and glory that is coming through Him.  I posted several days ago that i am retreating within, and in many ways I am.  But I know that there are SO MANY who have gone through heartache (or are going through it now).  And I know it's nice to know you're not alone.

Partly, I'm struggling with what I want versus letting God have control over everything.  Maybe in the end, He'll bring me what I wanted after all.  But to completely release things that I want so much...it's so hard.  And to keep myself in a place where I release any part of me that wants to be angry or bitter or resentful...


It's sometimes an hourly struggle.

I prayed so much today.  I read the scriptures.  I tried not to snap at my children when I was in the midst of my pain.  I let them have a "snow day" and figured we'd catch up on the schoolwork later.  For the most part, I think they just thought mommy was "quiet" today.

I say all that to say...rough days are okay.  If I've learned anything so far, it's that every day is new.  Just because today was hard, does not mean that tomorrow will be.  I spent the first few minutes of my day having a heart to heart with Him.  Tomorrow I will do the same.  Today I struggled.  But He was there to see me through it.  Tomorrow I may wake up in "quiet peace" and spend the day thanking Him and praising Him for being faithful. 

We serve an awesome God.  I have said that so many times, but I believe it with every fiber of my being.  He is everything to me and I do not know how I could make it through my life without Him.  When I cry, He holds my tears.   When I wipe my tears away and say, "Okay, I'm ready again," He takes me by the hand and we keep walking.  And He's oh so patient in the meantime.

There's a song by Kari Jobe called "The More I Seek You."  Whenever I fall at His feet again (and I have many times), this song starts playing in my head.  The words could have been written by my own heart...

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

There's no better place to retreat to than at His feet.  And every time i find myself there, I fall more and more in love with Him.  And then everything in my life doesn't seem so big anymore, in the light of His glory.  I can endure it.  I can move past it.  I can rest in His peace and trust in His future.

My favorite scripture is Jeremiah 29:11-13:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I'm trusting in His plans.  My plans may seem good, but His are for sure better.  And just because this moment is hard doesn't mean the rest of my life will be.  I am learning to be patient and wait on Him.  In the meantime, I am learning to let Him be everything to me.  :)

We serve an awesome God. 

Kari Jobe - The More I Seek You w/lyrics

In honor of the Love month...

There's a really popular book called The Five Love Languages that I highly recommend.  Apparently, each of us have different ways that we express and feel loved.  By learning the five different love languages, and pinpointing the ones that your loved ones need, you will be much more effective at expressing your love to your spouse, children, family, and friends.

The five languages are:

1.  Words of Affirmation ("I love you"  "You are wonderful"  "I am so proud of you")

2.  Acts of Service (the act of doing something for someone else, simply because you love them)

3.  Quality Time (spending "quality time" together, not just "time")

4.  Gifts (those that express this language put a lot of thought into a gift, and hold a lot of sentiment in gifts they receive)

5.  Physical Touch (hugs, a kiss, a back scratch, or hand-holding)

(These are described as best as I can.  For further understanding, I highly recommend the book!)

Naturally, we tend to express our love in the way that we speak it, but it may not be the way that someone else needs it.  For example, one of my love languages is "words of affirmation."  I tell my kids all day long how much I love them, how incredible I think they are, and how important they are to me.  Amerie, who also shares this love language, breaks out in a smile and smothers me in hugs and kisses whenever I tell her these things.  Andrew, on the other hand, is NOT "words of affirmation."  They tend to make him uncomfortable, and he rolls his eyes and won't look at me until I'm done, even though all I've said is, "I think you are incredible and I love you so much!!"  (sidenote...praying for my kids does not seem to fall under this category.  If I say, "Lord...I pray that Andrew knows how much mommy and daddy love Him, and how much You love him, and how special we think he is" he feels loved just like Amerie would).

I've been focusing on each of my kids lately and trying to pinpoint each of their love languages.  I want them to grow up feeling the love that I feel for them, even if I have to express it in ways that do not come naturally to me.  This has been a challenge at times, but very, very rewarding.  Seeing the different combinations is interesting, also.

Example...

My love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts.  I love telling my children how important they are to me and how much i love them.  If I see a friend in an outfit that looks really nice on them, I will say so.  If someone has been working hard on something, I tell them "good job!"  These things come very natural to me.  And gifts...I LOVE picking out thoughtful gifts!!  I get a thrill out of it.  It doesn't have to be bought.  It's the feeling that person gets when they open it that I'm thinking of, regardless of what it is (I've been told this could fall under acts of service, too).  Consequently, thoughtful and meaningful gifts given to me mean a lot, too.  I also smother my babies in hugs and kisses all day.  I would shrivel up and disappear if I couldn't kiss and hug them a million times a day!!!

Aimee's love languages are "quality time" and "acts of service."  These two are so hard for me!!  I really have to put forth a conscious effort to show my love in a way she understands.  I've learned that spending a half hour with her after her siblings go down for the night goes a loooong way in making her feel loved!!  And the look on her face if I do something for her, like organize her room when she's at her dad's or help her with something when I'm in the middle of my own project, is a huge reward for me in return!!

Andrew's love languages are "physical touch" and a tiny bit "quality time."  Mostly the boy is just "physical touch."  He loves hugs.  He's my cuddlebug.  He's been known to tackle his baby sisters and not let them go.  If I walk by him and run my hand across his buzzed head of hair, it's much more effective than if I had just said, "I love you."  But, because of my language, I still say "I love you!!!"  :)

Amerie, like i mentioned earlier, is "words of affirmation."  She's also "physical touch" and "quality time."  I have lost count of the number of times she's come up to me, put her hands on the sides of my face, and told me i was, "wonderful," "beautiful," and that she's "so proud of me!"  :)  When she gets in "love mommy moods" she pets my hair and my arms and crawls in my lap, and then tells me how important I am to her.  Obviously, this girl melts my heart because we speak the same language!

Lexi...

Lexi I'm not quite sure about yet.  She's still so young.  I know she loves hugs when she's excited, but it's still too early to determine the love language she speaks best.  In the meantime, I'm giving her all five as best I can.

Which leads me to one last thought...

I was discussing these things with Bethany...

(who is gifts, by the way!!) and she said that because I make an effort to "speak love" to my kids in each of the five languages, they will be familiar with each one and therefor have an easier time expressing them as they grow older.  I thought this was really useful information that I would have never thought of!!

My next step is figuring out my parents

and my sister, Emma.

  I already know Bethany's, since her and i discuss the love languages (and personality types) quite often.  But i want the people in my life that matter so much to me to know how much i love them, even if it means expressing it in ways that don't come second-nature.

I highly recommend the book, and applying the knowledge to your kids, spouse, parents, etc.  I wish I had understood these things better when i was married.  Phil is "acts of service," which is my hardest one to relate to.  I could have done a much better job at showing him how loved he is.  Hopefully I will be able to teach my kids the five languages and help them avoid missed opportuntities in their future!!

Have a happy February!!